Feeling really strange

[teaandcrumpets35]

I found out last week that I'm about 4-5 weeks pregnant. I already have a ds10 from a previous relationship who is and always has been an absolute dream.

Life is easy at the moment. I have EOW free when he goes to his dads. I get a lot of time to socialise, exercise, do my own hobbies and so on. I'm in a much better position financially and in a happier, healthier relationship now too compared to when I had ds. I own my home. Things on paper are much better this time around.

But I still feel so scared about going back to the baby days. About losing all my freedom. About having a baby/child that doesn't sleep or behave as well as my ds always has. In the past ten years I've also lost important family members including my dad so it's playing on my mind that a new baby will never have any memories of him.

It feels like in some ways my circumstances have improved but in others, nothing will be as good or easy iyswim. I feel like I've totally forgotten what to do with babies.

Sorry this is a very jumbled rant but I just wondered if anyone could offer any understanding or reassurance.

Bump

@teaandcrumpets35 honestly this sounds like a totally normal reaction! I have a toddler DD and although I'd love a second (only a tiny possibility, IVF etc.) part of me would probably be relieved if we didn't have another baby as it's basically like setting an explosion off in your nice, calm, ordered life!

Similarly to you, on paper, it's a good time for us to have a second, but as grateful as I am for our first, I also think it takes a huge toll on your body, emotions, social life, work life etc. However, that's focusing on the negatives - I try to remind myself of all the positives. The experience of being pregnant and giving birth, the baby developing and reaching milestones, the happiness. Also, I bet your knowledge and memories will come flooding back. And most of it is winging it anyway!

Do you have a loving, supportive DP?

Thank for you replying. I know my op was muddled.

Yes my partner is very loving and supportive. We got married earlier in the year so the timing along with everything else is 'ideal' on paper.

You have hit the nail on the head with the explosion comparison. My life is pretty easy right now. We have our routine and as my ds has gotten older I've had the time and space to explore my own personal interests, look after myself and rediscover myself a bit. I'm acutely aware that for the next few years at least I am back to being the grower of and then the primary caregiver of a new human. I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed by it all and kind of sad about that time and self indulgence that I will lose.

But you're right, there's a lot to be happy and excited for as well. I always wanted another child and now it's happened I should be grateful. I just think we have been very happy and I'm worried about the inevitable disruption and changes to all of our lives.

I'm wondering if acceptance is key . . . I think, if I were to have a second baby, I'd tell myself that yes, it's really bloody hard, the next couple of years will be difficult but you'll come out the other side of it, just the way you did with the first. Also, I'm thinking the second will surely be less stressful than the first - I think I'd be a lot more easy-going the second time around; I worried about EVERYTHING with DD but now I know that a lot of it doesn't matter and things work out fine. So maybe that will help; it won't be as new or scary.

The issue I have is that I was 40 when I had DD; I'll be at least 43 if we try for a second. Physically, it will be harder . . .

(Physically as in physically caring for a newborn and then a toddler . . . Middle-age is kicking in! )

Yes age is another factor for me too. I was late twenties when I had ds, this time I'll be late thirties and am already knackered most of the time!

I guess with my first ignorance was bliss. Now I know how all consuming parenting can be even when you're blessed with a 'good' kid.