Breast or bottle?

[NilPoisDrama]

Simply what the title says…

We are in the process of TTC, my DP & I have different views on feeding...

I am not opposed to the idea of BF, however, I would prefer to express and bottle feed or even formula feed. My main reasons not to BF is that DP has an 8 year old from previous and he lives with us 50% of the week, I don’t know how I would feel when he is here and I am BF-ing and also I don’t think I would be confident in public etc.

DP seems to think it is the most ‘natural thing’ to do, agreed but I’m trying to be realistic in the fact that it doesn’t just ‘happen’ for everyone. My best friend has recently had a baby and BF for 6 weeks before realising her little boy has a dairy allergy and she cant BF without cutting out dairy herself.

What’s everyone’s opinions/ experiences?

At the end of the day, fed is best!

The middle way. Mixed feeding. Best of both worlds.

Thank you @Lonoxo I have suggested this, as we can both do feeds.

DD1 ended up exclusively ff after bf. DD2 ended up ebf after having the occasional bottle. I think combi would be the best. Exclusively pumping will be hard work and the worst of both worlds.

Tell your DP to fuck off with it natural so it easy. Breaking a leg, gall stones, childbirth and dying are all natural- it’s doesn’t make them pain free or easy. It’s your boobs and therefore your choice.

BTW another of my girls have/had CMPA and excluding cow’s milk from your diet and bf is often the easier path when you have a baby with CMPA.

If you mix feed without expressing when you formula feed your supply will change

In reality mixed feeding only really works with mostly breastfeeding and the occasional bottle of formula unless you are happy to express alongside breastfeeding and formula feeding

Expressing is not always as easy as you’d assume either and some women who have no issue with supply when directly feeding their baby at the breast do not always yield the same quantities with a breast pump. It can be very hard work

@Pissinthepottyplease

BTW another of my girls have/had CMPA and excluding cow’s milk from your diet and bf is often the easier path when you have a baby with CMPA.

Yes
Managing CMPA with appropriate formula and other medication can be quite a fraught process compared to cutting dairy from the diet of the baby is breast fed

Thank you @Pissinthepottyplease for sharing your experience!

I am leaning more towards mixed feeding. Ahhh, I completely agree with you!! That’s such a valid point, I’ll tell him that next time 🤣
DP is wonderful but he really winds me up on this subject, he does say ‘it’s your body and do what you’re comfortable with’ but I just feel like he’s judging me already. I don’t know I may change my mind completely when the time comes!

Why don't you start with BF and just see how you get on? I found the thought so strange when I was still pregnant and wasn't sure how long I'd want to BF for, but because you feed A LOT in the early days it soon felt totally normal and uneventful and I didn't mind feeding in public. If you have nursing tops that have a slit in front of your boobs (rather than the type that you open from the shoulder) no-one can see anything because baby's head actually covers your breast. Not so comfortable in front of some family members but then it was also a nice excuse to go upstairs and escape the visitor frenzy for a moment of calm!

I ended up feeding for way longer than I had thought, mainly because it is so practical- you can just pop out (well after packing spare clothes for all weathers, a million muslins, tissues, wipes, nappies, umbrella, sunscreen, blankets, sun shades, slings, toys, ... ) without having to worry about having food on you. I found it very reassuring to always be able to feed my baby- the milk is always there, always ready, correct temperature, sterile, automatically adjusts itself to any illnesses (antibodies) and the weather (literally gets more watery in hot weather), its quite amazing really. Often BF is a struggle in the first few weeks and if you get through those (get an IBCLC or a la Leche League leader to help with any issues, they're amazing and so much more knowledgeable than midwives/HV) it pays off so much later on.

Agree with PP that pumping is awful. I didn't know initially that the baby is MUCH better at getting milk out than any pump is. So pumping is such a slog compared to baby doing it on their own, and you also lose the bonding/skin-on-skin aspect. It sounds like you are thinking it through very rationally/logically right now- I'd see how it feels when baby is there, and go with your feelings rather than thinking you can rationally decide now. It's such a personal and emotional topic, you might feel completely different than you imagine now.

One of mine had CMPA and it was easier cutting out dairy than dealing with the hassle of bottles (and that stinking milk!).

With good support most can breastfeed if they wish to. That is not to ignore that there are some circumstances where people cannot and thank goodness we have the option here of formula feeding.

For me there were no overwhelming positives or benefits of formula over breast but many the other way around so I chose to breastfeed.

Pumping is hard and exclusively pumping is the worst of both worlds. I breastfed and loved it but I did pump to see if DS would take a bottle (and when I returned to work if I needed to/felt full) and found it a total chore.

I will say though, your DC’s half-sibling won’t notice or care how the little one is being fed. Once you’ve got the hang of it, the ‘one up one down’ clothing method works a treat - vest/bra down, loose top hangs over, baby’s head covers your boob.

I agree with pp - expressing is tough. I planned to combi feed both mine but ended up ebf instead. I could never get much milk out via expressing (despite the fact I had an abundant supply - absolutely no issues with weight gain, just for some reason it didn't translate to how much I could express!) and I left it too late to introduce bottles so both refused them. First I introduced the bottle at 8 weeks pp - ended up being waaaaay too late, he wouldn't entertain it despite multiple different types of bottles, teats and formula. Second I tried at 6 weeks. Again, no joy. So I think if combi feeding is something you want to do, introduce a bottle early and think about formula as expressing may not work. As an aside, I found bf very very easy. It was never painful for me, no supply issues. The main annoyance was that no one else could ever feed due to the aforementioned bottle refusing, but that becomes less of an issue as feeds become spaced out and when you start weaning.

I combi fed from day 1 with DD. I breast fed through the night and the majority of day feeds when we were at home, but formula fed when out and about or if I was napping. I never expressed and managed to combi feed for the first 3 months, then we went onto formula for convenience.

It ultimately comes down as your choice though, not your DP

Honestly, your advice has been really reassuring so thank you all for taking your time to respond. From a young age I assumed I would breastfeed but more recently I have been feeling very reserved about it. You have all put me at ease and I feel a bit more confident now. When the time comes I will do what’s right for me and the baby!

I hated expressing, and it didnt work for me, with a good pump at home the most I ever got was 20ml. BF is so hard at first, but much easier later on, you can't leave the house and forget them. I hated feeding in public though, spent a lot of time hiding in the car or in corners of cafes.

I'd give it a go and see how you get on. There's no harm in step children seeing a baby getting BF, but also, if the baby will accept a bottle then great, your DP can help out with feeds too!

For now don't stress. When baby is here you can make a choice based on how you feel.

I combi fed a CMPA baby and EBF one that isn't. I hated combi feeding and EBF would have been so much easier with him.

For now, really read up on breastfeeding and normal breastfeeding behaviour. Then see how you go.

Feeding in public was so much less scary in practice than I thought. No one cares

@MsSquiz I would feel more comfortable doing this. I think I am more inclined to combi feed as others can jump in to help with feeds, if needed.

I totally understand it’s my choice, it’s really hard not to feel judged when you say you’re thinking of FF. He’s never judged me in the past but I know he has strong feelings on BF. Although he couldn’t tell me if he was BF or FF or the difference it makes to growth and development, if any whatsoever.

Expressing and bottle feeding is double the work, quite literally. It’s not as easy as it sounds. It’s exhausting and my last choice for feeding.

Breast is best, that’s just fact, but if it’s not for you then it’s not for you.

I’ve BF exclusively from the breast from birth (no bottles, no expressed milk or formula) and DD about to
turn 2 and we are still going (1-2 feeds a day now though).

The first weeks are tough but the pay off is incredible. No regrets here. I’d always choose BF over FF myself (I was FF as my mum didn’t get any support but she BF my younger brother).

I know others have said this already but I wouldn’t try to plan this too much - it’s much easier to decide when baby is here and you can see how breastfeeding works for them / you. Personally I found breastfeeding very easy (I appreciate that I was lucky) and though I had thought I might combi feed I didn’t bother in the end. I got the knack for feeding in public in two tops (one up, one down) very quickly and never had any supply issues or discomfort. I did find pumping pretty hard work though and DD never really took to bottles anyway so I didn’t persevere with that. I have friends who wanted to breast feed but it didn’t work out for them and others who never wanted to at all and knew formula was right for them. All our babies are fine and healthy.

I set out to combination feed so packed ready made bottles for birth. Good job as I was very unwell after birth and dh had to feed, change our baby girl for the 1st day as I wasn't able. She did start off well with the breast after a couple of days but eventually started to reject it in favour of the bottle, now over 2 week old and fully formula fed. I don't do well with supply pumping, do consider that as a possible issue.

Breastfeeding is really hard work in the first few weeks as you're both learning, baby is always hungry and your supply is building, your nipples are dying and you're recovering from birth...however usually if you're able to make enough milk and baby is gaining well then after the first few weeks it's such a reward being able to just whack out your boob for comfort and food! I HATED the first 4 weeks as it was agony as I had flat nipples that had to be pulled out by baby sucking, but now I still BF at 11.5 months and it's so lovely and cuddly and she's a pro. I found months 3-5 hard as well as she was suddenly alert and so distracted and would have to be fed in an empty boring room. Mind you, one of my friends who FF also had this developmental stage.

Also I did do some pumping but only enough every month to have a small stash of 2 days in the freezer for emergency as I'm not going back to work until she's 1. If I had to solely pump to feed I'm not sure I could have coped bf past 6 months.

I breastfed for over 16 months and absolutely loved it and am very proud of it but the first few months are very difficult- relentless and exhausting. I had to really work at it and if my heart hadn't have been in it I'd have certainly given up. Once ds was about 4 months it became a breeze and I was able to reap all the benefits e.g convenience. For us as a family it was worth it but FF if you want and all will be well too. It's such a personal thing. If you do want to do it then I'd suggest researching / buying stuff before the baby is born to help yourself.

I started with breastfeeding and then introduced a bottle of expressed milk with them both at 3 weeks. They had no issues switching between breast and bottle and made it easy when being left with others.
I stopped pumping around 6 months having built up a massive stash of frozen milk which I wouldn’t bother doing again and would switch straight to formula instead of pumping so much.
Both boys self weaned from the breast around 9 months.

Anecdotally, I found amongst my peers and I, that introducing a bottle (either expressed or formula), early on didn’t lead to nipple confusion once nursing was established and the baby was gaining weight well.

I breastfed DD for 20 months, yes it’s the best thing for your baby but it is tough going, some people have an easy journey and some (like me) don’t.

I would say direct breastfeeding is ‘easier’ in most instances than pumping, EP is proper graft, to pump til empty, feed then clean and sterilise and start all over. Those women are heroes.

Unfortunately breastfeeding support in the UK is dismal, even from midwives and health visitors. If you do want to try it I’d recommend the infant feeding team at your nhs trust to help with effective latch and positioning (if in the UK), to read up on breastfeeding behaviours like Custer feeding and normal nappy output.

But breastfeeding doesn’t need to be all or nothing, we gave a few bottles of expressed milk a day, and it was a nice break for me even though I was expressing.

I do think though comments about how ‘natural’ breastfeeding is implies is should be easy which for many women is far from the case. So those sort of comments are really damaging. I also feel like the bloke doesn’t get too much of a say as it’s your body that’s doing the work and if it’s too much for you, that’s ok, you do what works for you in that moment!

In 10 years time, no one will ask your child how they were fed as a baby because in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter xx