Thinking About Trying

[CourageSage]

Hello. So my husband and I are getting closer and closer to wanting to start trying. But there are things holding me back that I'd love thoughts on.

First, I'm overweight. I'm about 5'6" and I weigh 180 (last I checked. Don't love seeing the scale). Width wise I'm 42. I know by BMI is 29. The recommended is 18 - 24 ish. I understand all that but I've been struggling to lose it (it kinda runs in my family). I have a more active job than I use to so it's motivated me to try harder but here's the question; what goal should I give myself bare minimum. I'm really ready but the amount to lose seems overwhelming with how badly I want to be a mom. What would you guys recommend setting as a realistic goal? Or mom who were considered, "overweight" what is your pregnancy story? I've heard being overweight can make pregnancy harder or cause health issues and that scares me?

Second question, so my SIL is sorta the queen bee of the family and although her relationship with me is pretty good. There's a subtle jealousy that she has towards me. I married my husband first when she expected to marry her now husband first (he proposed not long after our wedding) and she kept comparing her wedding to mine. It's whatever and thankfully she got to be the first to have a grandchild (4 month old niece). All this being said, when her daughter turns one in April, she'll start trying. This worried me because my husband thinks I could be at a healthier weight by late winter/early spring, meaning I could potentially get pregnant close to her. I anticipate that sharing pregnancy with her would not go well. She became hating a friend of mine during her first pregnancy because their due dates were weeks apart and her baby was going to be born first and that's not even family. All this being said, I was wondering if anyone has been in this situation and how they handled it? Or is there a gracious about of time to wait without putting my plans on hold? I don't really care about her jealousy but I also don't want to cause family squabbles.

Finally, I would love to know tips about preparing for a baby so I can be sure we are ready before we start trying.

Also, thanks for any and all replies

There are a few issues going on and I'd start trying now and by starting trying I really mean just stop using contraception for now and concentrate on your health.

Having babies and young DC is exhausting so you anyway want to be in good health. Is there an exercise class that you fancy joining or have you tried swimming or C25k?

As for the SIL she doesn't sound comfortable with her own life and that's to be pitied really. You have your baby when you want but just try to ignore and silliness coming from her, it seems to be based in insecurity.

As for getting ready for a baby, get fitter, enjoy a few good nights out with your DH and save some money up so that you can enjoy your Mat Leave without worrying about having to go back to work early

If you want to be precise about it then a weight of 156lbs would put you into the “healthy” range. Where you are now though is only “overweight” - I believe that the problems you refer to are more when you get into the “obese” range.

Losing 24lbs (if that’s what you want to do) needn’t be overwhelming. A 30 year old 5’6” 180lb woman with a moderately active lifestyle (6-10K steps per day) and 3x exercise sessions per week needs 1918 calories per day just to maintain that weight!

To lose 1lb of fat per week (and 24lbs over 24 weeks) you need to use 3500 more calories than you are consuming. An average of 500 per day. So you would need to consume 1418 calories in average. Or increase your regular activity but that is a lot harder to do consistently!

I’d suggest starting a food diary using something like MyFitnessPal app so that you can have a look at what you’re currently consuming and where you could make changes. A low (not zero!) fat diet is an easy way to achieve this since fat contains 9 calories per gram whereas carbs and protein just 4 calories per gram. Filling out fibre rich carbs and lean protein with plenty of veg and some fruit as well as drinking plenty of water will keep you feeling satiated. I’d cut out alcohol but not caffeine but do what works for you.

A small caveat is that as you lose weight you do need fewer calories, however I would suggest that your x3 per week exercise sessions involve lifting weight (could be just bodyweight) in order to increase muscle mass. Your body requires more energy to build and sustain muscle than it does fat so this will help. And make you feel good. Plus it will help to prepare your body for pregnancy, childbirth and being a busy parent!

I hope that helps. If you can afford it then any decent personal trainer will work all this out for you and motivate you. If not then there’s tonnes of free resources online/YouTube/library books but the motivation will need to come from you if you want it. Good luck!

@CourageSage I am the same height as you, but 10lb heavier, so I’m in the obese category. I have previously lost 2 stone before my wedding, but gained 10lb during honeymoon/wedding period. My aim is to loose the 10lb to get just into the ‘overweight’ rather than obese, then begin trying. Although it’s ideal to get into the healthy range, I don’t feel like I can put it off any longer, so am giving myself a month or two to try and loose as much as I can, and then will begin TTC. Good luck!

Sorry I meant to add, from what I’ve researched, most of the complications are caused when BMI is 30 +, though I’m sure the closer to 25 the better.

I appreciate these posts. @DominicRaabsTravelAgent, I haven't tried a c25k, I may look into their exercise regimen. Exercise is the hardest thing for me right now. Thanks for the reminder about my Sil. I sometimes forget that she's probably just insecure and hopefully, if that were to happen, since she already had the first grandchild, she'd be excited. That sounds like great plan as far as prep.

@SweetBabyCheeses99, I definitely appreciate looking it at that way. Seems a little bit more obtainable thinking though that way. I definitely need to work on the exercise than diet. My very thin and athletic husband says we already eat pretty well. But thinking about it that way will definitely help.

@Peonies94, I hope your journey goes well as well. That's good to know. I'm young so I definitely can wait, I just don't think I want to anymore 😂 We've been married two and a half year so ideally I'd love to give birth in 2022 as it just seems right to be in the 3rd year haha. Doing my best (and trying hard) for a month or two before actively TTC is a great idea. I think it will help me not have BOB if I set that as a goal to revaluate where I'm at.

@CourageSage thank you! Yeah I’m not too old, but recently got married after living together 3 years, so I just feel now is the right time! Yes that’s my plan! Just need to be motivated and continue to diet and improve my fitness over the next two months!

Well, l am going to be in the same boat! Let me know how it goes 😊

Yes you too! Keep me updated :)

Try not to think of it as a fitness regime. Try to look at fitness as just something you do, something that gets you closer to what you want.

Plus, you'll need a tonne of energy once you e had the baby and probably even more when they're running around (I've just spend an hour bowling in the garden for DS).

The C25k really is designed for people who aren't doing any exercise, you'll get fine

Thank you. I appreciate that