Husband driving me insane during pregnancy

[FTMRLH]

My husband has wanted children for along time and it was me that needed convincing.
The entire pregnancy he hasn’t really showed much interest but has always been the kind of person who doesn’t get excited until we’re actually doing something, such as getting off the plane at our destination.

He isn’t domesticated in the slightest and I have made a rod for my own back by basically always doing everything for him.

I think I hoped somewhere that when I became pregnant he would have a sympathy to help me more.

However I have been so wrong.

He has no experience with babies whatsoever and I just feel like this baby arriving is going to be another thing for me to sort, yet him to come home and briefly enjoy around his current lifestyle.

Am I being unreasonable thinking this and has anybody else felt the same? I want to shake him but everytime I try to speak to him about it I just get met with defenceful comments.

How far along are you?
Have you both signed up to antenatal classes?

It does sound like you need to step back and stop doing everything for him, that's not how a team works and in parenting you'll need to be a team for it to work. It doesn't necessarily mean splitting every chore but it does mean each person pulling their weight, and the one who hasn't given birth will be required to do more to begin with.

Has he had rubbish role models at home, or are you the type of person who likes to feel needed and now it's become extreme? Is he just a lazy sod? You don't need to answer those questions here if you don't want to but you do need to reflect on the root of the issue and communicate, before the baby arrives.

He isn’t domesticated in the slightest and I have made a rod for my own back by basically always doing everything for him.
Well you wont have any time for this. Pick 3 meals, he needs to start cooking them.

He isn’t domesticated in the slightest and I have made a rod for my own back by basically always doing everything for him.

Not the most promising prospect for a father.

I think I hoped somewhere that when I became pregnant he would have a sympathy to help me more.

It’s not help. It’s being a grown up.

Good luck OP, you’ll need it

His parents are bad role models, however I think maybe his mum babied him for too long. I don’t require to feel needed but have always been taught not to rely on someone and therefore have just got on with it with the mentality of ‘I’d have to do it all if I was single’
Stupid really.
I’m a matter of weeks away,
My husband is also self employed and therefore working ALOT in order to afford to take some time off when the baby arrives.
I’d say I am the main breadwinner which is a mental strain on him too

Just don't. My husband comes from a background where women do all the housework (as do I) but I wasn't having that. When we moved in together and both worked I just set things straight from the start that we both do everything basically. I would never do it all myself and so just don't do it and tell him that he needs to. Maybe start the conversation now about when the baby comes that you need him to cook twice a week and vacuum etc....get the idea in his head that he's expected to pull his weight. Even better tell him you're feeling the strain of the pregnancy and can he start cooking?

To add that even with the load split I am manically busy as is my husband so this is not a nice to have, this needs to be a reality check for him.

I think you're wise to anticipate this being problematic.

Best thing I ever did was leave my husband with my first baby. He happened to be on gardening leave as I was going back after mat leave, think it was only 3 weeks, and I was only in work 3 days a week, but it absolutely improved, possibly saved our marriage.

I would start negotiations on sharing childcare. It is likely he will convince himself that you are much better at looking after baby and also that you find it quite easy and maternity leave is some kind of holiday.
I have seen so many women accommodate this thinking and worse prevent their partners from taking on domestic responsibility. Men are perfectly capable of doing everything except breastfeeding

I had this. I really wanted children but wanted to wait a year. ExDh persuaded me to go for it saying his family had a history of taking a long time to conceive. Of course we ended up conceiving first try and it was like once he'd proved to himself there was nothing wrong with his balls he could totally take his foot off the pedal.

One really clear memory was a few days after bringing DC home we got a letter for a new credit account we'd set up just before the birth. Late payment, charges etc, nothing awful but obviously not great. He was blown away, brought it to me mothering about why the direct debit hadn't been set up and 'how could this have been forgotten?' I just replied that I'd been a bit busy giving birth to remember and perhaps he was just as capable of setting it up and if he hadn't then why not?
It was like his world had crumbled. Just the split second look on his face of 'oh shit, she's not going to remember to do everything anymore'.
It didn't really improve unfortunately but he has a LOT of issues and I'm glad he's now an ex. Pull your husband (partner? Sorry I can't remember) up, get him to start doing some things around the house. Because very soon your job will be the baby (assuming you're doing the traditional maternity leave setup, early weeks of fourth trimester etc, I don't meant the baby is your job forevermore but when he goes back to work and you're at home then best believe your priority will be the baby over household chores, as it bloody should be, you are literally growing their brain with interaction and bonding after birth). Don't settle for lazy behaviour. If he has a job and can hold it down and be competent at work then he can damn we'll do it at home too.

Best of luck with your new arrival and I hope he sorts his shit out for you