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Wish I'd never told midwife I feel emotional now

19 replies

skiingmummy · 09/11/2004 10:51

I'm sitting here worrying myself silly now. Saw the midwife yesterday for 28 week aptmt and mentioned pelvic pain, fear of stitches and the fact I'm feeling v emotional. She had me fill in a couple of questionnaires to see how 'depressed' I was and was going to speak to my doc about referring me. Wish I'd never told her I'm feeling emotional alot now. Don't want to be labelled as a basket case. She is going to have a look at my notes from 1st labour to see why stitching was so painful and I think that'll help to reduce my anxiety if I understand what happened, but I really don't want to be put down as a mental case. Surely its normal to feel a bit worried about pain specially based on previous experience? Worried now in case they send a social worker out or something to see if I'm about to lose my marbles totally!! Has anyone else had a similar experience and if so what happened?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 09/11/2004 10:59

I got this with both pregnancies. THey might send a health visitor, or refer you to hospital to talk it through. They won't send a social worker.

I got the health visitor first time round, who was perfectly pleasant if a bit hopeless. Second time round got obstetrician at the hospital (WTF?? WHY) who was brisk, cheery, told me to put on a bit of lipstick and stop feeling down (!!!???).

Seriously, I'd use this as an opportunity to go on and on about your SPD and that you are in PAIN and need a referral.

skiingmummy · 09/11/2004 11:07

LOL - put on a bit of lippie!!
Think I'd've felt like telling the obstie exactly what I would prefer to do with it!

Was there any comeback from your sessions then MI or were they more of just an opportunity for you to talk about what you were feeling?

OP posts:
pinkmama · 09/11/2004 11:19

Hi skiingmummy. I was very low with first pregnancy, GP referred me to Community Psychatric Services. I was terrified. However, they were hopeless. All it meant for me was HV got involved a bit earlier and stayed around a bit longer afterwards and just checked I didn't get post natal depression. Apparentely antenatal depression is becoming more widely acknowledged. I felt terrible and it was made worse by expectations that I should be blooming and happy. Also feared I was going mad and they would take baby away. No such thing happened, I had a fab GP and I ended up feeling very supported. Think fears and anxieties are completely normal. Hope it all goes well for you.

MummyToSteven · 09/11/2004 11:19

hi skiingmummy - typed out a whole long post then lost it - grrr.

basically - don't worry about comeback. i was quite frankly a basket case during PG (OCD/Depression) i had extra hospital appointments with obstetrician, and a few meetings with the disability support midwife, to talk through my problems, how I was doing. the disability support midwife talked over my concerns about birth/coping with a baby etc, and developed a "care plan" based on that. i was then referred to psychiatrist after several discussions with midwife/obs - and with my full consent. i really had to be referred to a psychiatrist as my GP refused point blank to prescribe ADs during PG (she is a great believer in counselling.

there was never a question of social services becoming involved and remember I was a basketcase. the only comeback i have experienced is having rather overly regular visits from my HV (problem being that I didn't get on with her. Lots of people with PND etc do find their HVs very useful/supportive so I think I just struck rather unlucky with mine).

agree with MI that this sounds like a good chance for you to focus on the medical/pain issues that are concerning you.

best of luck with the PG.

Mommy2Ro · 09/11/2004 11:20

SkiingMummy - Being emotional during pregnancy and motherhood is part of the game. You're certainly not a basketcase. (tho we all feel like we are sometimes, don't we? ... at least I do)

Anyway, I would say that if the midwife can help you find someone good to talk to, go for it! It's so hard to find time for yourself as a mom and to get support bc you spend so much time taking care of the little one(s). I think that having a non-judgemental, objective person to talk to who is only there for you is fantastic. I have two good friends in this field (one is SW, the other is therapist) and they are great listeners. They really get training to be totally available. Friends and families are great too, but with a "pro" you don't have to say, "And how are you today?"

HTH and hope you're feeling better.

MrsBigD · 09/11/2004 11:24

skiingmummy, I wouldn't worry about being 'labled as a basket case'. I'd be more worried about the lack of know how by the medical staff that's supposed to help you...

I was lucky to have a great locum (!) doctor when I fell into post natal depression.

And here's the low-down I got from her:

Feeling down is perfectly normal and doesn't mean your clinically mentally ill! (before or after birth) as it IS a life changing episode of your life and you don't know what to expect - despite reading all the books and mags...

Secondly medical staff (especially HVs!) are much quicker nowadays to refer to 'consultation' to 'cover their butts' in cause they miss out a real severe case that might lead to self-harm or harm of others.

Not much help I know but I thought you'll be happy to hear that there is no stigmata attached to feeling low in relation to pregnancy/birth etc.


skiingmummy · 09/11/2004 11:49

Thankyou so much for these messages.
It has put my mind at rest somewhat that I won't be labelled a nutcase and they're not going to come and take ds away coz of it!!

It would be nice to be able to talk to someone honestly about my fears and maybe even get some helpful advice for the pelvic pain. I do feel a bit guilty for making a fuss and part of me feels I should just be getting on with being pregnant without complaining - I mean how many millions of women do cope fine and just get on with it? However relationship with dh is suffering and I really don't want that.
Just want to feel normal again!
(Well as normal as a pregnant working Mum can b!)

OP posts:
Donbean · 09/11/2004 12:03

sm, i think the questionaire about assessing for depression is standard proccedure and in no way there to diagnose mental illness. I think that you are voicing the problems that thousands of pregnant women feel at some stage or another (or like me from the begining to the end of my pregnancy!)If you think that you are a basket case because of these things then perhaps i should admit myself to the local psych unit because i can completely relate to you and i KNOW that i am not a basket case. Keep your chin up and be reassurred that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with you whatso

Donbean · 09/11/2004 12:06

Additionally, may i suggest large Bridgit Jones type knickers for the support of your pelvic muscles, at least 12 bars (family sized) of chocolate for your emotional state and a large G&T to steady your nerves at the thought of the mean time, here is a huge hug((((((()))))))))

bundle · 09/11/2004 12:07

both times i was pg i got a number for the gynae physio, do you know if your hospital has one? i had some sciatic pain at the end of my pg but if i'd had it earlier i would certainly have got in touch with her. i don't think you need a referral.

skiingmummy · 09/11/2004 13:22

Donbean - got the knickers already, just eaten the 12 bars of choc (note to self..must buy bigger knickers) and will have a small g&t this evening!

Bundle - my antenatal classes start tomorrow so the midwife yesterday told me to have a chat to the physio after the class and if I still felt I needed more help to ring her for a referral. Wasn't sure who the referral was to but maybe its to the gynae physio.

OP posts:
merglemergle · 09/11/2004 14:23


Don't worry about your HV etc refering you to social services-it is IMPOSSIBLE to get them to intervene!

I often have to try to get help from social services for my clients (normally they are asking me to get SS to listen and give them help) and even getting them to come out and assess is virtually impossible and takes weeks even where it is a clear cut case. They are massively overstretched.

I do understand your concern though as I think that once they do get involved, it is impossible to stop their involvement (as some mns know ). They are like a big ship that cannot easily change course.

But I really can't see them getting involved because your midwife says you are feeling "emotional". Not round here, anyway (Wales).

bundle · 09/11/2004 14:24

skiingmummy, i signed up to do ante natal exercise class/primer on birth etc and met the physio..she had all the dh's doing pelvic floor exercises too

nailpolish · 09/11/2004 14:26

i had to fillin a questionairre about depression and the midwife told me it was a survey and a new thing that the nhs has started - so maybe it was just a standard procedure thingy. (this was 2 months ago) my MIL had just died and i told her this cos my mood was really low at the time and i scored "high" on the quetionaire. dont worry, im sure they wont go on just a one off like that and chat to you more later.

skiingmummy · 09/11/2004 15:26

lol @ bundles dh doing pelvic floor exercises

NP - sorry about your MIL.
Did anything happen as a result of you scoring high on q? Was it just they talked to you more? Wouldn't mind that.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 09/11/2004 15:34

it was in my notes so mw just let me blub it out whenever i saw her. i was really tired cos my FIL asked me to help with funeral and i was 8 and a half months pg but how could i say no? dh was a mess and i had to watch out for him plus i had a 2 year old! my hv read it in my notes too and she keeps asking me if everything is ok and pops round unexpected esp since dh went back to work.

(bet you wish you had never asked now!)

i do know for a fact that mw's and hv's in the nhs as a whole are trying to raise awareness of pnd so im pretty sure the questionaires and standard proceudre now. social workers is way down the line even if you do get pnd.

please dont worry. you just sounded so worried in your initial post xxx

bundle · 09/11/2004 15:51

just after i had dd1 i waited over an hour and a half in a clinic to see the doctor after weighing her and people went in before me who i thought had arrived after me. that was it: i blubbed. another hv (not the one i'd seen, she was too busy looking over my shoulder to take any notice of me when i was talking to her) noticed and thought i had pnd. she came to my house the day after and we sat & chatted for over an hour. it was lovely, and i'd had no idea she thought I was really desperate

skiingmummy · 09/11/2004 15:56

Nailpolish I was worried this morning. It just kept going through my head all last night about what I'd said and what they might do if they thought I was depressed and that was making me more stressed out.

If it just means I'll get more opportunities to talk about how I'm feeling then I could cope with that! I like to talk.

I think part of my prob is that I don't think dh really understands quite how down I feel about things - pelvic pain, thought of stitches, fact I've gotta stay in a week after baby2 so am gonna miss ds like crazy (bad choice of word!), likelihood I'm gonna be made redundant, loss of brain cells/memory, amount of weight I've put on.... I think its all just getting on top of me a bit. Its reassuring to hear that others have felt a bit overwhelmed too and maybe its ok to feel a bit down.

OP posts:
vivie · 09/11/2004 16:08

Hi skiiingmummy
I lost the plot about 30 weeks into this pg (my second) feeling completley knackered, worried about how I would cope with birth, a newborn and a toddler, house full of builders showing no signs of ever leaving, financial worries because of builders, etc etc and went to see my mw, but she was on hol and so I saw one I didn't know. I ended up blubbing uncontrollably anyway and she wanted me to fill in the depression questionnaire. I refused because I wasn't depressed (I have been so I know what depression feels like), I was just knackered, worried about the future etc etc. However, my bump was measuring big at that time and it turned out that I've been carrying a lot of extra fluid which has had to be monitored so maybe it wasn't a wasted trip. I didn't want to be labelled a basket case either and did regret going, but then it did make me realise that being pregnant is really bloody hard work and that I had to slow down and accept offers of help. I guess that's the point of this post - don't feel inadequate because you're finding being pregant hard, it is!!! Especially if you have pevic pain, a busy job, a toddler etc etc. Now, go and sit down with a large slice of cake and a glass of red wine and watch some soap operas!
Hope you're feeling better soon.

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