BMI 30+ and scared

[Xsaxa12]

So, second baby, planned and lost 2 stone prior to conceiving - still technically obese but fit and healthy - size 16 (18 sometimes for boobs) basically I am scared about midwife appointment I feel so ashamed that I’m bigger and know they are going to be horrible about this, was the same with my first child.. anyone reassure me? It’s just horrible to think they will just take the specialness away…. They were horrible first baby really ruined it and it’s making me feel sad xx

My BMI was 32.4 at my recent booking appointment, way higher than my previous 2 pregnancies where my BMI was about 25 for both. I was dreading it but literally not a word was said about it. Just told me to keep eating a healthy balanced diet and got a leaflet about exercise. Request another midwife if they're anything other than professional about it!

Mine has been nothing but lovely. Sympathetic, understanding but with a gentle reminder to try and stay as healthy as possible.

I don’t see why they will be horrible about it, but they do have to point out any potential problems. They would fail in their duty if they didn’t.

Not on topic but just wanted to gently ask if you're vaccinated. You're in two risk groups so I would strongly recommend you get vaccinated if you're not already.
Congrats on your good news

My BMI was in the overweight range at booking and the midwife said it wasn't an issue - that there were additional things that she would recommend for people with BMIs above 30 and above 35, but that there shouldn't be any judgement or criticism going on. She emphasised that I shouldn't diet or feel embarrassed, just to keep eating a healthy diet.

You've done really well losing that weight and if anyone tries to make you feel bad, ask for a different clinician!

My bmi is 35, I have pcos and this is my first pregnancy where I got to the point of seeing a midwife.

I was SO worried!! But she was lovely, she said because of my bmi I have to take aspirin everyday from 12 weeks, and I get 3 extra scans during the pregnancy with the nhs..... so not complaining

I've setting the shed up to be a gym for when baby arrives early next year haha

My BMI is 40 and the midwives have been lovely. I'm looked after a lot more due to the risks associated and they midwife did have to go through and tell me what the risks were (she was very apologetic bless her) and sonographers have explained that scans might not be as clear due to it but have been nothing but lovely.

If you get one that isn't then ask to change.

On the plus size, because I'm large I do get a lot of extra care. (Although some of that will also be due to the fact I have an underlying health issue which limits mobility but you wouldn't know that just from looking at me )

I was offered a referral to bloom to support me with healthy eating during pregnancy which I opted to take but there was no pressure from them on that front it was completely up to me :)

Good luck with your pregnancy op

Hi everyone thank you so much your comments have been so reassuring, aware of duty of care. I work in infectious disease so was vaccinated well before majority 👌🏻 I honestly just feel so worried because of first time around the midwife who was at least three times the size of me telling me how my baby would be still born because I had a BMI of 28 🙄 I think just old trauma and poor care haunting me. Your stories and comments have really helped ease the fear thank you everyone xx

My bmi was 32 in my 4th and 5th pregnancies.

Everyone was very nice, I was also 39/40 and 41 so went to every appointment prepared to apologise for being obese and older. The only time it was really mentioned was by the sonographer at my 20wk scan who told me not to put any weight at all (I hadn't by that point) but my MW and consultant just said to try not to put too much on. No difference to my care to my first 3 except I had to havs a GTT with 4 and 5.

The only downside was having to take fragmin from 28wks.

Please raise it with someone if your midwife is unkind again, its unnecessary, and if weight loss were easy we would all be in healthy bmi range!

Thank you so much you’ve no idea how much this helps xxx

@Xsaxa12 I've got a high bmi too, I had lost 2 stone prior to pregnancy, but because I'm 5ft nothing I'm stumpy 😂
But I've turned it into a positive. I have extra scans. I'm looked after more thoroughly, I have both midwife and consultant care.
My daughter is following a perfect 50th centile line, so she is not affected by my bmi/ excessive weight. I've put three stone on in pregnancy, I'm 35 weeks nearly and my weight hasn't been mentioned since my booking appointment, I suspect the next time it is discussed will be with anaethetist at my 'just in case' appointment.
No one has the right to upset you, a midwife doesn't have to be horrible to show a duty of care, perhaps should work on her bedside manner 🙄
Hope your ok 🥰

Similarly to you, I lost 2 stone prior to getting pregnant but my BMI is still 31 so in the 'obese' category. I was also worried about what my midwife would say but she was absolutely lovely! When she weighed me she obviously made me aware but made a comment not to worry because I was 'only just over' which I wasn't expecting (I thought they'd be awful about it too!) I was prescribed stronger 5mg folic acid because of weight but that was all. Try not to worry too much, maybe even mention your bad experience to your midwife so she's aware of your concerns? And if she makes you feel uncomfortable at all then request a change, you need to be comfortable enough with her to have open discussions throughout your pregnancy at the end of the day! X

Similar experiences to others - BMI around 30 at check in but everyone involved in my care was nothing but lovely. It was just treated as another fact about me and I was cared for accordingly (had aspirin due mainly to age & BMI) but not one person made me feel embarrassed or bad & in fact I felt that they went out of their way to be reassuring on the occasions it did need to be referred to. If on the very off chance your midwife does make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, call and request to see another one. Good luck OP - enjoy your pregnancy!!

My BMI was above 30 when I was pregnant with ds, I was size 16/18 when I got pregnant with ds & about 15 stone. Until the last week of my pregnancy I had only put on 21lb but then got pre eclampsia & filled up with water & was pretty ill. 4 weeks after ds was born I was 11 stone & size 14, being so ill contributed but I lost my pregnancy weight & more. The only thing that was said about my BMI was they wanted me to have a glucose tolerance test but I declined, ds was 6lb 4 when he was born at 36+5.

Hey OP, no personal experience but just wanted to reinforce that your first midwife was absolutely inappropriate and if you ever hear such a comment again you definitely should complain. Causing emotional distress to a patient is not in line with duty of care.

Thank you everyone my nerves are not as bad now! I am very thankful 🥲 xx

My BMI was 41 at my booking appointment. Had I not brought my weight up repeatedly at appointments im not sure it would ever have been mentioned. Some doctors and midwives even dismissed it when I mentioned it (which I wasn’t happy about cause I know it does bring added risks) anyway I’ve a much higher BMI than you and I delivered the most perfectly healthy baby boy 2 weeks ago, I spent ally of my pregnancy worrying what impact my weight would have on him but thankfully it was none. Definitely for future pregnancies I would want to be a lower starting weight but im thankful he is healthy

I hope you reported that midwife from last time round, OP - telling you you're going to have a stillbirth because of your weight is horrible (and inaccurate!)

My BMI is well above 30 (similar situation, lost some weight whilst TTC but not enough to get me under that threshold) and I was fully expecting shit from the midwives about it given that I once got a lecture about my weight from the GP when I came in with a suspected ear infection. Pleased to say I have had zero nagging about it to date (currently 26 weeks), it has only been mentioned when it has been a trigger for additional testing/treatment recommendations such as booking a gestational diabetes screening or the recommendation to take aspirin.

My booking BMI was 37 and not a single person has shamed me for it. I did get warned that I might not get as good ultrasound pics but they've been fine and clear and told i'll have extra scans at 32 and 36 weeks and even that was handled nicely.

My mother had a BMI of nearly 40 with both her pregnancies 30 years ago and had really easy pregnancies with both of us.

If being overweight meant you would have a still born then they'd be no fat mothers. what a load of rubbish. i'd have reported that midwife

So sorry you had such an awful experience first time round op, I had a BMI of 36 with my little boy and similar now in my second pregnancy, I've definitely never felt shamed for it and while it was mentioned it was just a matter of fact part of my booking in and I had an extra appointment with a specialist midwife to discuss nutrition etc. I try to look on the positive which is that I get 2 extra scans and chances to see my little one!

That's awful that they shamed you about your weight in your first pregnancy! Midwives should be there to support you throughout your pregnancy and help you the best way they can. That does NOT include making you feel bad for your weight. They can outline any potential risks sure but, the thought of someone who is meant to help is upsetting someone in a very special time is disgusting.
I am a bit higher BMI than you, its gotten higher since my first birth, and at my first midwife appointment last week, she said that I would need blood thinning injections throughout, and just to keep up with the exercise in my free time. I have a very active job, and I do eat healthy the majority of the time so im unsure as to why I am so big haha. But anyway, a good midwife should not judge =) I know plenty of larger ladies who have a healthy lifestyle and judging them as if they are lazy etc is just wrong.