I keep saying “I don’t want this baby” in my head

[Helenmumoftw0]

Found out 2 days ago I am pregnant with our 3rd, I haven’t missed my period yet but I can’t stop saying how much I don’t want this baby but also can’t give myself a reason why! We have used natural family planning for the last 9 months to avoid pregnancy with the idea of “if it happens then it’s meant to be” and it would be our last but I am really struggling, I can’t stop crying when I’m alone, I feel awful like I am hurting my other 2 children, I feel like I have no one when I have an incredible husband? Why am I so scared to have this baby?

Im petrified that I'm going to die and leave me babies behind, with my last delivery 8 haemorrhaged and ended up in theatre they put me to sleep and stopped the bleeding but with this baby I will need to have a c-section to minimise the risk of bleeding again! I am so scared

Tell a health professional how you are feeling and your partner. You are presumably early in pregnancy and have some choices. You are really anxious, but things will be all right what ever happens. You need to get the worries out in words to process them.

Oh, OP, I'm so sorry to hear this. Do you feel you have a choice about whether or not to continue with the pregnancy? What does your DH say - are you able to talk to him about how you feel? All I would say is that sometimes early pregnancy hormones can have you all over the place. I was pregnant a few years ago and from the start it all felt wrong, I felt terrible, scared and all out of sorts, even though we had been trying. Please do try and talk to someone xxx

Hi @Helenmumoftw0,

That sounds tough. Where do you think this is coming from?
Anxiety is an awful thing.x

Go and see your doctor as soon as possible. As pp said, you have plenty of easy options at this stage. You can't spend the next 8.5 months with this level of fear an anxiety.

I’ve been in this position OP and I ended up terminating. I’ll tell you what I think it was for me (doesn’t mean it’s the same for you but this was my experience) - I think it was the hormones and just fear of change. I totally panicked. I couldn’t make sense of how I was feeling given that before I got pregnant I was like you and felt ‘if it happens it happens and I wouldn’t mind another baby’. It was like a switch flipped in my head when I actually got pregnant and I just felt horrendous about it. I rushed into a termination feeling I could make it go away and pretend it never happened. Of course that was naive and it had a terrible impact on my life for quite a long time after. I had a lot of counselling (for other issues too but the termination triggered a lot of stuff mentally for me). I still hold guilt over it all.

I’m not saying that to put you off termination if you decide that’s best for you, just saying don’t panic and rush anything. Pregnancy hormones can have a massive impact on how you feel and it doesn’t always make sense. If you were happy with the idea of a baby before then it may just be a temporary hormonal feeling at the moment that will pass. Talk to someone and give yourself some time and space.

Hello @Helenmumoftw0.

I echo what others say about speaking to a professional about this. I’ve had a termination and like @Hadenough21, the mental health fall out was huge. However many many women have terminations and never glance back. It’s very individual.

I’d wanted to be pregnant and then completely flipped my lid when I got that positive test. I’m not sure why or how it happened. It’ still completely befuddles my brain.

Just take your time. You have options but all I can say is that this reaction seems so common (just not spoken about). Have a look at other threads on prenatal depression and anxiety. It’s a real thing! You’ve also had a though time last time round in birth so this pregnancy could be reactive to that?

Take care for now. Go easy on yourself. This is tough.xx

I wouldn't want to go through pregnancy and then raise a child that I did not utterly and wholeheartedly want. Pregnancy is hard. Raising kids is hard. If you're 'meh' about it, that doesn't feel (to me) like a reason to have another human being. It's too big. Not to say you wouldn't go on to love and want this person and make it all work.

Please talk this through about all of your options and the things you're feeling.

From what you have said, I think your fear is around the pregnancy and delivery itself rather than an actual baby.
It's normal to feel like this, nobody talks about it.

If you decide to continue with your pregnancy, speak to the midwife about extra support due to previous experiences.

Thank you everyone I really appreciate the replies! I think you all right and I’m terrified of the birth rather than the baby. Iv also spoke to DH and my DM and they said I was exactly the same at the beginning of my daughter’s pregnancy 6 years ago I never stopped crying and didn’t know why I felt so depressed, I totally forgot about that as it passed quickly!

I will ring my GP and also give it a couple of weeks to sink in!

Xx

I think it’s a very common reaction OP, just not really talked about. It’s scary isn’t it, even if you want a baby, it’s a big thing to go through and when you get that positive test it can hit you like a ton of bricks that you’ve now got a huge physical and emotional challenge ahead. Good luck

Hmmm, im not sure, i think sometimes thoughts are just thoughts and dont need to be listened to or obeyed without question.
You have not known for too long, maybe give yourself some space and time for the pregnancy to settle and see how you are after the shock/reaction fades.

So glad you talked to them OP. Good luck with things.

Anxiety is a bugger. It tricks our brain into believing things.xx