Anxiety about EP/pumping

[littleweeze]

I'm looking for some encouragement/advice for pumping.
My first born now 2y 4m, I didn't breastfeed, I tried for a week and then gave up. My normal bra size is 32J anyway and I suffer from anxiety issues with the size of my breasts anyway, I'm hoping to have a breast reduction after having children. So I turned to pumping (and formula top up) for a few months with no. 1 (crying through most of each pump as I felt like a cow), but had a great supply so did as long as I could mentally embrace it. I suffered with PND as we were very busy and went straight into working after having him (running my own business) so it was all a whirlwind.

I'm due no.2 in December and strangely not so nervous about the birth, but more anxious about pumping again. I want to give no. 2 breast milk, especially as I had a good supply last time, but when I start to think about it, it makes me feel worried that I'll mentally struggle again. I'm usually a very 'go with the flow' person and whatever feels right works, but for this I'm stuck in my own head about it.

I was given a medela pump which was fine, but had an awful pumping noise which I really don't think helped. So was thinking of going for an elvie this time, althoguh an investment I hope if it makes a difference, and life is different this time, I've changed my business, so I hope it will help me mentally.

My questions are:
•has anyone else suffered mentally suffered like this?
• any advice on getting an elvie so I can get on with things rather than sitting stuck with a medela in one spot?

would love to hear other EP stories and advice!

Honestly I found pumping so so difficult. I much preferred BF though. I also have large breasts, 38H, and found a good website with info regarding feeding with large heavy bust, I will hunt for it again and link it here in minute.

You could try feeding again, but if it's causing anxiety already, you need to ask yourself is it really worth it? BF is wonderful but you have to enjoy it otherwise it just isn't worth the stress IMO. Your baby will be just as well fed and just as happy with formula if you wanted to go that way.

www.verywellfamily.com/breastfeeding-with-large-breasts-431769

Also the Evie pump might be something to look into, it's hands free and queit as well but expensive.

Elvie pump sorry

I found it took more than a week to get bf established, I had to top up both times due to weight loss. CMPA second time not lack of supply.
I think its probably best to try for a few weeks and have a feeding plan if you want to bf. Once you both get the hang of bf its really easy but is does take practice.

Thank you both @HalloHello and @Itllbeaninterestingchristmas , really great to get your advice/feedback. It'll certainly be a little bit of how I feel at the time. I didn't have it in my mind that I HAD to BF last time, but I'd give it a go and it wasn't good for me last time. I know it takes a while sometimes to get settled into it, but I just couldn't face it. I also had 70 weddings to decorate starting 2 weeks after no.1 was born, so couldn't be with him all the time. And my mental state wasn't fit to keep trying so I turned to pumping and formula.

But this time I'd like to be prepared for every option. It's just a big investment for an Elvie, so a lot of pressure to use it. Just need to relax about it and do whatever happens at the time.

I would be a similar size to you OP, (I remember how many 'baby holds' were literally impossible due to the size of my boobs!) and I exclusively breastfed fine (after a few weeks difficulty getting established) but couldn't get on with pumping. When I returned to work I borrowed, then invested in an Elvie. I also found the 'normal' pumps I had a huge revulsion towards, they somehow made me feel like cattle, I would literally feel almost rage when hooked up to one, which I didn't feel like at all with actually feeding.

The only problem with the Elvie was I really didn't get a lot from it. So the other pump I had I rarely used because I hated it but it was was 'better' at what it got in terms of output, and that was despite me having a good supply (an oversupply really) with feeding directly( However I know what you get feeding and what you get pumping can be different). I was at that point only breastfeeding in the morning and on return from work so my work-time pumping was really to have something to drop in to her childcare as she got used to not feeding in the middle of the day but she was on solids at that point, so I honestly don't know about it for exclusively feeding. You did so well to produce that much to pump early on so you may have a better experience with it than me. And I definitely preferred it 1000% for the hands free element and discretion: its not silent, but I did on occasion got out for a walk with an oversized scarf over me feeling confident people wouldn't be able to tell.

Is there anyone you know who has one? Or who could lend you one for a bit?

I think the main thing to prioritise is your mental health. I was lucky that I loved feeding, but it took no emotional toll on me if that makes sense, and I like to think I would have stopped if it did. I would be inclined to recommend trying to feed without pumping for a bit if you think you can to establish supply and see if you find it any easier this time, but obviously that may not work. Ultimately though I'm also pregnant with no 2 and they're just not going to have the same experience as no 1, in lots of ways, so I think the main thing is to prioritise how to get all of you as a family unit through the difficult baby stage and not worry that its somehow 'uneven' if you go straight to formula with no 2 because the most important thing for the family unit is you feeling as strong and supported as you can.

If it helps, my mum could not breastfeed my older sister at all... struggled no end and gave up. When I was born, I went straight on the boob, no issues. The midwife told my mum "you've done this before!" to which mum said "nope, 10 years ago bottle fed!"
So you might find your experience very different this time.

Personally, I breastfed last time, but pumped once a day to build up a freezer stash. I can't imagine having to pump for every feed - must be much harder... but I think you at least know what you're going into this time around. Hopefully you'll be able to prepare yourself a bit more for what lays ahead :-)

I had an Elvie when EP for DD for three months before she could latch, and I agree that it's good as a supplemental pump but I wouldn't use it as a main one. They also are very unreliable. I've been through three of the hubs as they've all randomly stopped working. Replaced without argument but it was really annoying.

I used a Spectra for main pump and used Elvie for middle of the night (as it was easy) and out and about if I was visiting friends or something. But even though I had a v good supply, I didn't get a great amount with the Elvie - nowhere near as much as the Spectra.

They are horribly expensive too, which would be fine except I think the build quality is really poor. Aside from the three hubs breaking, there were issues with some bits snapping off that I had to get replacements for (apparently a common issue), which I wouldn't expect after spending more than £400.

I have similar sized breasts. Successfully breasted one of my 3 DC. In your situation I would either give breastfeeding a go, or just formula feed. The pumped breastmilk is really not worth the toll on your mental health.

Is it worth considering at least trying breastfeeding directly? If you are a go with the flow person, it's so much easier than expressing once (at least if) you can get the hang of it?
Expressing gave me very negative feelings each time I tried, but actually breastfeeding felt good.
(Although there was no way I could have breastfed and gone straight back to work - in fact regardless of feeding method I wouldn't have coped with that).

Regardless of what you decide to do, maybe it's worth speaking to the Breastfeeding Network or the La Leche League for advice?

Also, the Kellymom website is a minefield of info... super helpful in all things boob and breastmilk: kellymom.com/mother2mother/exclusive-pumping/

I EP'd for a month as my DC was in the NICU. I agree thats its incredibly challenging mentally. You get the hassle and discomfort of breastfeeding with none of the reward of cuddling your baby. I only continued as I knew DC would go onto the breast eventually. If they werent, I would have FF. I agree your unlikely to get the same amount from an Elvie as a hospital grade pump. I think in your shoes I would try to BF or stick with FF if its going to affect your MH too much.

Thank you everyone for your advice. Truly feel grateful for having asked about it, I really felt I was stuck with my options, but you've helped me to realise actually probably what my issue was pumping, and perhaps not BF. I think you're right I might give BF a bit of a go this time around.

I unfortunately don't know anyone with an Elvie, but I would have certainly tried to borrow one if I could! I think you forget how hard the first few months is and lack of sleep overnight. I assumed second hand wouldn't be good (if I could even find one!), but would be great to get feedback if anyone has bought 2nd hand one to try?

My husband and I really did well with splitting the 'shifts', reading through my notes from last time, because I wasn't BF I'd have a 4 hour kip whilst he had and no1 asleep with him, then we'd switch, that was a great benefit of not BF. But as I said before life circumstances were very different then for us. This time round we're going into our 'quiet work period' for a few months, so hopefully I can take it a lot easier and slower this time.

I'm inclined to perhaps try BF again and not write it off straight away, and keep with the medela I've got for now, with maybe getting an Elvie if the medela is getting to me. I like the option of using formula and breast milk so I have the flexibility of being away from baby, and then less pressure to get BF established if it's not going well.

Didn't know the Elvie perhaps doesn't draw as much out. Last time I was perhaps getting 100-120ml each pump each breast with the medela, so I certainly wasn't short of supply. It's definitely satisfying to know how much he was getting through pumping and not BF.

Thank you for reassuring me, and remembering to take it as it comes, and really great to hear other people's stories about their experiences, especially those with the experience of also having big boobs!

Hi :)

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am currently 4.5 months into my EP journey. I intended to breastfeed but my little girl didn’t latch well so here we are! I don’t have a large bust so not sure if my advice will be as relevant but I found that almost every bit of advice online was from the US.

I bought a medela swing pump before my daughter was born and this worked well for my whilst my husband was off work and able to attend to our baby whilst I was pumping. However I quickly realised this was absolutely not going to be sustainable for me once he’d gone back to work. After a lot of debating I took the plunge and bought the double Elvie pump. I can hand on heart say that I would not be pumping now if it wasn’t for the Elvie! And I’ve used it every single day for 4.5 months, around 6-8 times a day. I have had to replace some of the small parts but the hubs are still going strong!

The elvie pumps are fab for pumping out and about and it’s very unlikely anyone will realise you’re pumping so this may help your anxiety. I still use my medela once a day to help ‘clear out’ as I’ve had mastitis twice. I’ve found that I get the same amount generally off the elvie pumps as I do with the medela! Happy to answer any questions you may have x

I pumped for 5 months with my 4th baby as he couldn't breastfeed. I absolutely hated it but felt I should do it as my others had all been breastfed.

I borrowed 2 different electric pumps (can't remember brand names and it was 8 years ago anyway) would that be an option for you? I also had a manual for when I had to pump when out and about.

I would suggest joining www.facebook.com/groups/566808133515254/?ref=share
Exclusively pumping uk mums
Great group with loads of advice, I used a spectra s1 which was great, you can always look on eBay for a 2nd hand elvie as it's a closed system

You may want to Google D-MER to see if it helps explain some of the feelings you are having when pumping.

That's great thank you. Never heard of D-MER before but that certainly seems to be how it felt last time! Thank you

Just have to see how I feel nearer the time I guess. Still long way to go, only 25 weeks but look a lot further than that!!