Did anyone plan to not find out the sex and eventually cave?

[hellobigknickers]

Just that really!

I have my 20 week scan this week and our plan was to not find out the sex this time. We did with our daughter and wanted to do it differently with this one.

However. I am drowning in girls clothes. My nesting instinct has kicked in big time and I'm desperate to sort stuff and clear the house so we're ready for the influx of baby crap.

I just wondered if anyone broke and regretted it? Or if anyone left it a surprise with they're second and how they sorted clothes before the baby was born?

Suprise with both mine. Holding on to all baby crap until I know we’re definitely definitely done having babies and will clear out then.

Just waiting for someone to come along and say what’s the issue with dressing boys in pink…

I didn't find out with either of mine but did told on to some stuff for #2.

I went through all of #1 stuff and got rid of anything that I wasn't keen on anymore and sorted it in to carrier bags per size then put them all inside a suitcase so it was all organised in one place atleast.

We had one of each and ended up just reusing stuff anyway, colours/designs don't really matter especially in the early days!

My scan is next week, and we don’t intend to find out. I know exactly what you mean though. I have SO much stuff from my first dc. We didn’t find out then either, so most of the ‘first’ stuff is pretty neutral. My plan is to have the rest as organised as possible, and then deal with it when the new baby is (hopefully) here.

Not sure I’ll thank myself for that when I’ve got a newborn, but that’s the plan!!

If you really wanted a surprise, keep it a surprise for now as you may regret it! And if in a few weeks you still REALLY want to know, you could book a private scan to find out. Or call the doctors, surely the gender will be on the notes? I have the same dilemma so I am going to attempt to wait it out but if I cave, I cave.

I found out both times.

People are kinda wierd about people finding out. People really defend the whole "suprise" position.

If I had a pound for every time I heard "you get few enough suprises in life!".

Well actually as an older mother I'd had quite a lot of emotional suprises in my lifetime at that stage, not all of them good, and I was 100% done with suprises!

But whenever the subject comes up at work (female dominated, people get pregnant all the time and invariably someone asks them if they're going to find out) people get into this big "suprise" circlejerk where they're all agreeing that it's the only thing you should do.

Even here on MN, you see it a lot.

The fact is, people are different and have different histories and have different mental health. Holding out would have done my head in and pregnancy is hard enough tbh. It absolutely made my last 20 weeks so much nicer, being able to visualise my family, even if I couldn't visualise their actual face.

If you want to find out, for whatever reason, then find out.

I wanted to find with DC 1 and 2 but as soon as I knew I was expecting DC 3 I decided I wanted it to be a surprise.

When we went for our 12 week scan, DH randomly blurted out (semi joking I think?) 'is it a boy or girl' and the doctor (fetal medicine specialist) said '70% girl' so we actually ended up knowing the sex of DC3 even earlier than we had with the other two.

Am now 38w and she is still looking very much like a girl!

I didn't and 2 were a surprise. The first baby my first thought was oh, it's a boy, I wanted a girl. The second hooray it's my baby girl. 3rd I know was a boy and got used to the idea by the time he came.

Looking back I wish I'd found out early on so that any disappointment I felt could be got out of the way with all of them. I would have loved them all regardless of sex.

Don't cave! It will be a lovely surprise. As PP have said, as long as your daughter's stuff is organised in sizes it will be super easy to get it down when you need it if you do have another girl. For now you just need to worry about getting a few neutral things for the first 3 months or so.

We kept the surprise both times, DC2 is not born yet and not knowing what we are going to have is really adding to the excitement. I want to know but I don't want to know if you see what I mean, I spend every day trying to guess but am so glad i didn't cave!

We weren't going to find out but a week before the 20 week scan we just said to each other "shall we find out... and not tell anyone?!"

So we did but we told everyone we still don't know! It's my first child but my DH's second and so we already have a boy, so we're super excited that we're now having a girl!

All of the grandkids in DH's family are boys and it's the first child on mine, so we're excited to let people know it's a girl when she hopefully arrives. I also like that we still have a little secret just us :)

I had my 3rd baby on the 14th May this year. As I'd already had a boy in 2017 and girl in 2019 I wanted to keep this one a surprise. An hour before my 20w scan I was definitely in two minds whether to just find out, but I didn't and I'm glad I didn't. It actually made my pregnancy a little more special not knowing what the baby was. I also wanted my OH to be able to tell me the sex as soon as the baby was born. He got to do it this time round and that meant a lot to me. We had another little boy!

Me I felt exactly the same as you.. had a surprise last time and by the time I had been induced and gone through EMCS I couldn’t care whether it was a boy, girl goat or bloody donkey.. this time I was hell bent on doing the same and when I looked back I thought it didn’t really matter all that much - Like you I’m also swamped with boys clothes ! Which has been a relief financially! Im 32 weeks now and I’m glad I’ve experienced both xxx

@PrimeraVez ahh no! Were you annoyed?

@Helpamummy yes that's exactly how I feel! The excitement of not knowing is really lovely, but the logistics is just really annoying. I do also feel a bit detached from
this pregnancy - I had a miscarriage in feb and kind of haven't let myself believe this baby is really ok.

@heybabes my daughter was the 4th grandchild but 1st girl and I definitely don't regret finding out with her, it was so lovely!

@MuMmaOf3littles that's so lovely. I actually found out what our first was for the same reason - I wanted it to be DH who told me what it was, we had the lady write it down and we went for a nice dinner and he opened the envelope there. Did you have any inklings?

Comparing the 12 week scans, they look totally different in terms of head shape, which makes me think this is a boy

We weren't going to find out with DC3 but we had bad news at the scan so we made a snap decision to ask as we wanted something nice from the day. We didn't regret it and it meant we could have more fun decorating their room and buying the cot bedding etc.

[quote hellobigknickers]@PrimeraVez ahh no! Were you annoyed?

@Helpamummy yes that's exactly how I feel! The excitement of not knowing is really lovely, but the logistics is just really annoying. I do also feel a bit detached from
this pregnancy - I had a miscarriage in feb and kind of haven't let myself believe this baby is really ok.

@heybabes my daughter was the 4th grandchild but 1st girl and I definitely don't regret finding out with her, it was so lovely!

@MuMmaOf3littles that's so lovely. I actually found out what our first was for the same reason - I wanted it to be DH who told me what it was, we had the lady write it down and we went for a nice dinner and he opened the envelope there. Did you have any inklings?

Comparing the 12 week scans, they look totally different in terms of head shape, which makes me think this is a boy[/quote]
I said from early on in my pregnancy I was sure it was boy. My pregnancies definitely feel different between boy/girl. But also because I suffered from Hyperemesis on all three babies. Out of my first son and daughter it was worse on my son. And my latest pregnancy it was the worst yet so was sure it was boy. Although either sex would've been perfect, I've always wanted two boys and girl and that's what I have. I compared all three scans and the only difference on mine was that my daughters head seemed a bit more rounder than the boys xx

I've had 3 and the last one was a surprise. I wish I havent found out with the other 2, its an amazing feel when you find out at the birth.

I found out. Let DP decide if he wanted to know (not allowed at scans, early Covid days).

But we told no one and that was a condition in him knowing. He thought it was silly but me pregnant is a three headed monster so he agreed.

We didn't want any gendered stuff and this was how that was shut down.

Lots of greys and yellows and animals for clothing so works well for future babies too!

For my son, we found out. For my current pregnancy, I was adamant from the start I didn’t want to find out, even thought my gut said girl.

We did end up having a gender scan as we had a rocky start to the pregnancy and I was right, it’s a baby girl! My husband always wanted to find out, and we felt DS3.5 would perhaps bond a bit easier knowing it was baby bro/sis. He takes great pride in saying baby sister now.

Most of our baby things were neutral, but I’ve taken great pleasure buying a few terracotta/dusky pink/sage green bits just for her as we will re use as much as poss.

Don’t feel bad if you do change your mind - I was so set on it being a surprise but actually, it feels just a lovely knowing we have a little girl joining our fam soon. My grandmother was also over the moon as it’s the first girl in the family for over 30 years so I’m glad she knows that

But whenever the subject comes up at work (female dominated, people get pregnant all the time and invariably someone asks them if they're going to find out) people get into this big "suprise" circlejerk where they're all agreeing that it's the only thing you should do.

That’s really interesting. I work in a male dominated team, a lot of them are fathers with similar aged kids to me. The vast majority of them found out with their kids, most of them were desperate for boys, they all thought I was bonkers for not finding out.

@heybabes This is what we have done, we've known for a while now what we're having but we're not telling anyone or letting them know that we know. Saves receiving lots of gendered gifts, cuts down on people trying to name guess and it'll be an extra piece of nice information to share when the little one arrives.

Not me (I found out the sex with my first and intend to do the same with my second) but I have some friends who didn’t find out at the 20 week scan, but had a really rough time for various reasons between around 20 and 32 weeks and decided to find out at a growth scan at around 32 weeks. They said finding out the sex was a happy event in an otherwise bleak time and it really helped them.

I'm 28 weeks with my first and was adamant that I was going to wait until they were born but now I'm getting so tempted 😨🤣🤣 I've mainly neutral stuff bought with a few blue bits because my neighbour had a boy and has passed stuff to me , they will be used regardless. I just want to know which name we will get to use lol I have one picked for each

It sounds like you're very curious about it and want to go.

Wondering what your reasons are for going against that and making yourself wait?

Sorry typo - should say "and want to find out"

[quote queenatom]@heybabes This is what we have done, we've known for a while now what we're having but we're not telling anyone or letting them know that we know. Saves receiving lots of gendered gifts, cuts down on people trying to name guess and it'll be an extra piece of nice information to share when the little one arrives.[/quote]
You need to be really disciplined to keep this up! A friend of mine was planning to reveal the sex at her baby shower (she wasn’t bothered, but a friend of hers really wanted to make the cake!) but she referred to the baby as she all the time to me without even realising she was doing it. I didn’t let on.