Really freaking out

[Gemgem81]

I’m hoping this post helps in some way to get what’s going on a little easier to contend with and maybe others thoughts and interpretations will seem far less massive than what I see it as so here goes… I’ve just turned 40, I’ve been separated from my husband for 3 years now and we have 2 children together (10&12). We get on really well as parents and the children see there dad pretty much every day as he lives close by and like I said we get on so take the kids out and stuff together. (We don’t love or fancy each other anymore more hence why we aren’t together) now for the last 3 years I’ve on and off had a friend with benefits situation with a colleague from work which was fine until I’ve recently discovered I’m pregnant!! Now I don’t know what to do? For 8 weeks of it I was in denial, but was forced to have a scan as had a few pains etc so now I’ve seen the growing baby… I’m worried I’m too old to do this again, I only have 3 bed and love where I live but it’s not going to be big enough, I have a good job but only work part time so can I afford to do this? How on earth do I tell my ex husband or the children as I don’t want to hurt or destroy there worlds… It’s literally tearing me apart as me choosing the baby would be a selfish decision but then me destroying 3 peoples lives actually make that 4 when there’s the dad of the new baby to think of - I don’t know what to do.. how to tackle any of it or where to go… I’m starting to wake up
I’m the nights in cold sweats, have huge anxiety and panic attacks… yes I’m over thinking and yes maybe these things aren’t so massive to an outsider but I have no perspective any advice please…

I have no advice, but did not want to read and run

@Gemgem81
Take your ex husband out of it, he is an ex so what you do in live has really no more impact on him anymore if it turns his world upside down it will be him to deal with.
Are your older kids 1 of each or of the same sex baby will be in with you for a while you can make it work and kids will be able to help you and might enjoy having a baby around.

Do you want to have another baby and potentially be a single parent to 3 children?

There will always be ways to manage but it isn't always easy and you have to want to do it or you will be miserable.

Your ex shouldn't have any input in this situation.

Do you want a baby OP?
It’s really only your choice that matters.

Not surprised you are anxious, that is quite a pickle.

What do you think would happen if you told the baby's father about the pregnancy? Might he help you think through the options, after all he helped get you into this tricky situation?

Thanks lovely’s for replying I feel so lonely and screaming on the inside. I am absolutely terrified of it all tbh. I’ve had 3 terminations in my life time and 2 miscarriages so frightened that if I chose that route then I could do damage to my body as they so you shouldn’t ever do more than 3… my current children are one of each flavour so not sure where the new baby would go. I guess I’m just panicking about every little thing… when I went for the scan I did sit there feeling sick that what if they discovered it had passed away (I was really worried about it) and thought that answered my question as to keeping the baby, but I am 40… my children are grown up, yes this could be the last time I could be a mum but I do have 2 so am I being greedy? I am more worried about how I tell my ex husband and our children? I worry about everyone’s thoughts on it and am I doing the right thing? I don’t have any baby stuff anymore so would have to get it all again. Yes the father would support me but I still worry can I afford it not to mention can I deal with no sleep and doing it all on my own - sorry guys for being a pain

The baby’s father is aware of the baby and will supper me regardless of my decision but that’s another thing he’s 53!! I’m 40! It wasn’t ever supposed to happen

You say the father would support you, is that purely financially or would he provide emotional support and parent this baby?

@Gemgem81 you mentioned women aren’t “supposed” to have more than three terminations… I’ve never heard this before. Most medical peeps I know agree that carrying a baby to term and delivering is much harder on a woman’s body than pregnancy, especially if it’s done early and you can use medication rather than a procedure.
Not trying to steer you either way - just wanted to mention that. If you really want another baby, have another baby!

my children are grown up, yes this could be the last time I could be a mum
Nonsense - you'll always be their mum!
(Meant in a nice way)

If it was me, i honestly wouldn't want to be dealing with having a fuck buddy's baby. Being older, already kids that are independent etc etc

But it's not me. You need to do what you want and think is best.

Good luck x

I would not be continuing with this pregnancy for many reasons. Financial, being a single mum at 40, starting over with child rearing at 40, disrupting my existing children's lives. But what I would choose is irrelevant. You have to do what's best for you.

I think you are worrying a bit too much about what your ex and current children will think. I think most children would be happy to have a baby sibling (or at least they will get used to the idea), and your ex might build a life with someone else eventually and your family set-up will change with him anyway.
To me the most important aspect would be that the baby's father would be willing to support you. Only you can know if the support he is willing to offer would be enough for you.
Plenty of women have healthy pregnancies at your age. I suppose you need to consider whether you want to start again with a newborn. Are you looking forward to your current kids growing up and flying the nest? Do you want your 'freedom' or do you want to have dependent children for a bigger chunk of your life?