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Original poster

Positive 2nd births after a tough 1st

11 replies

Ummm21 · 14/08/2021 21:34

Hi ladies, I won’t go into all the gory details but my first birth experience was pretty awful as was the recovery. I am now pregnant with number 2 and trying to decide on birth wishes. Whilst I know I can’t control what will happen, I would like to be absolutely clear on what I don’t want as most of my anxiety is a result of not being listened to last time and ending up with much more intervention and trauma than was necessary. The hospital has acknowledged that my negative experience was down to staff behaviour and process rather than anything physiologically going wrong and keep trying to assure me it won’t happen again…but…
My question is for those that have had a traumatic or stressful birth and then gone on to have another child, did you just go with the flow? Ask for a planned c section? Try to go with the natural route with clear wishes for if that doesn’t work? How did it work out in the end? I guess I’m keen to hear positive experiences after a not so positive first time. I know what will be will be but any insight might help :)

OP posts:
Gakatsbsk · 14/08/2021 21:36

Not me but my friend and also my cousin. Each had traumatic first births, both had elective c sections the second time.

You have the right to an elective c section on the basis of maternal choice (in the UK). If a doctor / midwife refuses your request you have the right to be referred elsewhere

Pissinthepottyplease · 14/08/2021 21:45

I was in this situation and I ended up with an emcs with DD1. DD2 I booked a c section for 39 weeks as DD2 was very big but I had a VBAC at 38+1. I wanted a VBAC. I had very detailed plans for both a VBAC and c section - I had to discuss them with a consultant who agreed to some but not to other requests.

I would strongly recommend asking for a referral to maternal mental services and asking a PMA to help you make your plans.

Psmith83 · 14/08/2021 21:47

Hiya, I am also pregnant with second after very difficult 1st birth and got put on a birth trauma pathway at booking in after they read my form. I have opted for elective c section and I'm grateful to have a very supportive midwife. I'm now doing as much reading and thinking about recovery from abdominal birth as possible and I guess trying to be open to the possibility that this time around it won't be so awful, and I guess I'm hoping for a wound that needs healing rather than birth injuries.

Boombadoom · 14/08/2021 21:54

My first delivery was traumatic and I swore never again. 2 years later I was giving birth again!

My first ended in a c section so I went the c section route the 2nd time which I am so grateful I did. It was the most incredible experience of my life and healed me from the first one. I was asking when we were having number 3 in recovery! I Rode that high for weeks.

Best of luck in your decision x

needsomesleeppls · 14/08/2021 22:36

Same as most PPs, long induction and lengthy recovery from injuries and am having elective c section for second.

Discoballs · 14/08/2021 22:55

I had an incredibly traumatic birth with my first. I was in labour for day, no progress, he was back to back and projected to be huge. Failed epidurals. Begged for a section 3 days in and made to continue through labour when I knew it was all wrong. I tried so hard to advocate for us and no one would listen. Eventually induced and shoulder dystocia. He nearly died.

I had post natal depression and then PTSD. I was really scared to have another because I was frightened of another traumatic birth and also PND.

Eventually got pregnant with second, big gap as I wasn't sure I could do it. I listened to a podcast that mare me realise counselling at the time while pregnant was the way forward rather than waiting to see what the birth world bring. Really worked well for me as I was able to process my first labour.

I also requested a c section straight off due to trauma. If this is something your considering read the NICE guidance on it as there are certain phrases you should use to make sure you hit the criteria. The c section was the best experience of my life. Truly cathartic, uplifting, joyous, calm, controlled labour that I needed. As a pp said I was elated for weeks. It fixed me somehow. Counselling started the process but my second delivery completed it. My eldest is 7 tomorrow and I can finally think of his birth and listen to my labour playlist without sobbing. All the best with whatever you decide. You're not alone. Many of us have walked this path and come out the other side and you will too.

Coffeeonmytoffee · 14/08/2021 23:01

My first was a nightmare - long, difficult and finally I had an emergency csection and my DH fainted. I had a crap recovery and miserable time in hospital.
The second was a VBAC and it was lovely. Just amazing - quick - I was 7cm by the time I got to the hospital and it was just so straightforward. I had 24 hours in hospital and loved it.

Southwestrunningmum · 14/08/2021 23:03

My first was terrible (because it was so quick) my second was perfect, 2 and half hours. It hurt (of course) but genuinely amazing.

Findmeatthebeach · 14/08/2021 23:07

I had a very traumatic first birth and was terrified of giving birth the second time. I had an extremely supportive husband who signed us up for hypnobirthing, which was amazing! I highly recommend finding a class, we had private lessons in our house (because no one else had booked on the course so she just came to our home!) and it was so worth it. I then went on to have a very calm water birth and it was an amazing experience, even though the baby was humongous - over 11lb! It really was the complete opposite from my first birth.

mumoftinyterrors · 14/08/2021 23:24

I had an induction with my first that was a complete nightmare from start to finish. So much so that I made a formal complaint to the hospital and suffered from PTSD for years afterwards.

When my son reached 5, I knew I wanted another baby but was absolutely clear from the off that I wouldn't have the baby in a hospital setting and did a LOT of research on the alternatives. We hired a team of independent midwives to assist with a home water birth. As I had them from 12 weeks pregnant, I built the most incredible relationship with them and trusted them completely. I knew it was the best decision for me and could relax when I went into labour because I knew I would be listened to. My labour lasted less than 2 hours, my birth pool had barely filled up when I began pushing my son out. He was out in 3 pushes and I had no bruising or stitches, unlike with my first birth.

Second births are usually easier (from what I'm told) but I think knowing what's coming is so beneficial.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and labour x

Original poster
Ummm21 · 15/08/2021 20:01

Thank you so much ladies, that’s really helpful. I have toyed with the idea of a planned section and haven’t ruled it out yet, the main reason I’m not just going for it is the recovery with a very active toddler. But I have been very upfront about the potential for me to request one even at these later stages and they have been fine with that. I have also had them confirm that should I need inducing again I can ask for a c section on the day as I will absolutely not be letting them anywhere near me with that drip again!
Thanks again, I really appreciate all your replies x

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