Scared of PND reoccurring..

[Josie9998]

Hi all.
I have 8 weeks left until I give birth to baby no.2.
I am really excited but I have also been filled with nerves and dread (I feel so guilty saying this) about welcoming baby no 2. I have so much love for the baby but its the unknown that scares me. My 1st born is 17 months old, he really is the love of my life however he was born in March 2020 as soon as everything shut down. I had very little support or interaction with anyone apart from my partner and his parents who we lived with at the time. I didn't see my own family for weeks, and by own family I mean my 2 sisters I am not really Close to anyone else. My baby also was mixed with days and nights for the first two weeks of his life, so to say I had no sleep is no exaggeration and it still to this day traumatises me. Everything started to take its toll maybe 8 weeks after he was born I was crying all the time, felt the loneliest I have ever felt and to this day still feel the same. My partner helps when he can but he works 6 days a week, I have no support from anyone really apart from my mother in law and I hate depending on her solely for support I just feel guilty. Its the loneliness for me more than anything I think, none of my so called friends ever came to visit apart from one and to this day haven't. I was never diagnosed with PND but I know I had it, I never spoke to anyone about how I felt not even my partner. But at my recent midwife appt I explained to my midwife that I'm anxious about giving birth again, but haven't explained to her how I felt last time, I have never been open about my feelings I feel ashamed. I love my kids more than anything but not a day has went past where I think how will I cope with 2... has anyone any advice?

I think you should talk to your midwife about it, it's so common, there really is no shame needed. And after baby is born just keep being open with your health visitor, again they see it all the time. You aren't necessarily going to feel the same again and you have the added benefit of knowing with hindsight that you weren't well.

Dealing with becoming a parent is incredibly difficult at the best of times let alone at the start of a pandemic! You’ve done amazingly well to be feeling so connected to your son.

You still have plenty of time to reach out and get help if you think you can. I also suffer from PND and have had worries with this pregnancy so I got a referral from my midwife to the perinatal mental health team and they have been amazing. I got referred at 30 weeks and now at 38 weeks I feel a lot more confident and prepared.

As for the loneliness I’m not a stranger to that either - I joined a mental health support group for mums & expectant mums online through my perinatal Mental health team so it might be worth asking if there is anything like that that you can join.

Best of luck and well done for talking xx