34 weeks pregnant and stressed most of the time

[Ann30567]

I never expected any support from my parents or from my partner's mum either during my pregnancy or after the baby comes as they have health problems. My mum is an alcoholic and my partner's mum has psychotic depression. But both women are driving me mad and are making life incredibly difficult.

My mum decided that now was the time for me to reconcile with my sister after three years of me not speaking to her and has been giving me guilt trips saying that she wants me to make up with her before they die. She also told my sister to contact me to say that I need their support now that I'm pregnant with my first baby. I said I wasn't interested and I told mum she shouldn't interfere so now my mum has cut off contact with me. (My sister is in a relationship with my ex and has a baby with him. Very Jeremy Kyle! That wasn't the only reason I decided to cut her out of my life but it was the final straw.)

And then there is my partner's mum who calls every day multiple times asking for help with everything and so my partner is often making the two hour round trip to help her. She got much more needy after I got pregnant. In fact, whenever she knows we have any plans she does her best to sabotage. For example on my 40th birthday she called seventeen times that day. I know she is ill and I should be more patient but I am finding it harder and harder as my due date approaches. I am also moving house and that isn't helping. I am so worried that the stress I feel is harming the baby.

Wow. A lot to cover...

Your mum is being unreasonable and causing you stress. She's decided to go NC and you weren't expecting her help anyway so I'd let her get on with this childish behaviour
You shouldn't let anyone change your mind about the relationship you have with your sister. It's your decision. You're a grown woman who doesn't need the stress of this either
Your DP needs to out his foot down and support you. Not run to his mothers every call. You may not have been expecting support from your mum or MiL but you did and should expect it from DP. He needs to be doing more for you

@messybun101 Thank you for taking the time to reply. My partner finally gets it after I broke down in tears today. In the seven years I have been with him he has never seen me cry. It shocked him as I always appear so tough. The next time his mum called I heard him tell her off. Hopefully that is progress.

Hi @Ann30567, I'm also 34 weeks pregnant and I've just stumbled across this but felt I had to comment. I hope things have improved for you since your post, and I'm really sorry to read how worried you are.

I wholeheartedly agree with the previous commenter in that your DP needs to be supporting you more. He needs to understand the impact of stress on you, but also the consequences of causing stress in any pregnant woman and how important positive mental health is during that time more than ever. You need to be protected by those around you, and from what you've said about your mum, mother in law and sister, they are just causing you stress and negativity and so your DP's responsibility is bigger than ever. Hopefully he can be assertive but tactful with his mum and deal with the calls to try to take some of that worry from you.

I've done a lot of appearing tough in the past, and sometimes it's a really bad idea because you're covering up your emotions and not communicating how you really feel about something - bottling things up for a long time is draining and frustrating and eventually I would always blow up, or break down! Please don't be afraid to show vulnerability to your DP. It's not just you anymore, it's your baby too

Your mum and sister - it sounds like cutting contact may be best for now. Try to focus on yourself. Do you have others you can talk to or seek support from? Focus on doing things that make you happy. Surround yourself with as much positivity as possible - positive people, good food, try to exercise.

Moving house - you just dropped that in as if its not a big deal! Moving house is a huge deal on its own, let alone when you're nearing your due date!! Have you moved yet and if not, will it be before your baby arrives?

I moved myself a week and a half ago. We've spent all our free time lugging things around, painting and decorating, carrying out home improvements, moving furniture, sorting and organising boxes, shopping for things for the house....and it's taken over our lives completely. Its taken 6 months to complete too, which caused a huge deal of stress and frustration. I wanted to have moved months ago, well ahead of my due date. Now we're moved in but I've got the stress of feeling the time ticking, feeling like baby could arrive anytime and I'm not ready; need to "nest" and annoyed that our stuff is all over the place and impatient because I want everything sorted out in advance as much as possible before baby arrives. Then there's constantly aching and getting tired from all the hard work of this all.

So I would say, please ask for more support from your DP, friends or anyone that offers to give you a hand on the moving side of things too, whenever that will happen for you.

Anyway sorry for such a long post, I hope you get the support you deserve and things look brighter for you, all the best of luck in the upcoming weeks

@Suma2021 Thank you for replying. Moving wise it sounds like you are in exactly the same boat as me. We offered in April and there was no chain but it moved so slowly anyway. You know don't you that you are on a deadline, that your energy will be less and your movement will become more cumbersome...but there is nothing that you can do to hurry up the process. I hope you manage to get organised before your baby comes along...though personally I am considering throwing everything I don't immediately need in a cupboard and coming back to it next year!

As to family I am just trying to block out any negative energy and focus on the here and now. What I need for baby and what I need my partner to do to make my life easier. You are so right about the consequence of appearing tough all the time so I am actively asking for help now and to be fair to him, he never says no.

Good luck with your upcoming birth. I hope everything goes really well for you and your little one.