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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

pregnant & petrified

13 replies

kaylock · 05/08/2021 12:06

Hi I am new here, and could do with some help, I am 42 happily married, house, dogs, business etc a really lovely life. I have been with my husband for just over 20 years, after moving in together all those years ago we naturally tried for baby and it didn't work, we tried IVF twice first cycle was free and the second one our family helped pay for and again it failed, and we just left it as what will be, will be, as time ticked on everyone around us is having kids, our friends other family members and we were left behind, a bit like the childless lepers. People feel awkward they don't mention their kids around you or when they get pregnant they put off telling you etc i know its difficult situation and people try to navigate the best they know how. When you meet new people the dreaded burning question of do you have kids? which for people who have had no trouble conceiving must be just a natural question, anyway we left the IVF as I said for about 10 years, then for some reason I got in my head that i was menopausal, this sent me into a panic, thinking oh my god this is it now or never i have waited too long to try again, full on panic. I explained to my husband who wasn't bothered either way as i said we were happy, (although always feeling like something was missing) so around Christmas we started the IVF again, we didn't tell anyone not friends or family just didn't want the questions or to get anyone's hopes up, I am also a very quiet private person so even being on here is difficult for me, but like i said i have told no one so have literally no where to turn. Everything went fine and two days ago I did a pregnancy test and it was positive, I thought after all this time and effort I would be over the moon but i am just petrified instead, i don't understand it , my husband is chuffed to bits as i think he had buried a lot of feelings over the years and says he feels like a weight has been lifted that he didn't know was there, I suppose after that amount of years its hard to tell. so why aren't i bouncing of the walls happy like i should be?, I mean how many people would give their right arm to be in this position! thousands! and here's me being an ungrateful bum hole, i don't know if its shock or what, i am just so confused and feel alone and upset that I aren't super excited, i just keep crying with guilt and just general being scared of carrying a baby, giving birth etc etc I do suffer from anxiety and am on a very low dose sertraline for it, so that will making things worse for. I just feel so lost and alone and I don't really know how being on here can help I just don't know what else to do, obviously i have spoken to my husband hes just confused by my reaction.

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Taenia · 05/08/2021 12:24

Hey just wanted to stop by and say congratulations :)

Also wanted to reassure you that it's quite normal to feel this way initially. We were also trying and I had the same type of reaction once I found out I was pregnant. Cried. Was scared and when we told people it felt like they were all so much more excited than I was.. and it made me feel like I was being an ungrateful so and so.

Birth and labour and the baby scared me so much that I just shut down all conversations..

I'm 21 weeks now and I still occasionally get a bit overwhelmed by it all but as time has progressed I've got on better terms with it and am even getting a bit excited :) I'm able to talk about it and enjoy conversations :) although I am avoiding conversations about bad labour stories to avoid totally freaking myself our more :)

sarah13xx · 05/08/2021 13:28

Well congratulations first of all, what a lovely happy ending 😊

Secondly, I haven’t gone through any of that but have always had a huge fear of pregnancy/birth so seeing ‘pregnant’ on a test really terrified me after about 2 second of being delighted. I’ve always known a c-section was the way I’d do it though and it’s exactly what I’ve done. It’s next week! You can have one without medical reasons if you feel it would make you less anxious. I know some people would rather go naturally though. I had an early scan which I think helped me to get excited because the worry of ‘will their be a heartbeat?’ took over and I was so pleased when there was. The 12 week scan was the point it really sunk in though and I could see an actual baby on the screen! My advice is let the news sink in first. Then take it in very small chunks, work to each appointment/scan and just take it step by step. Being pregnant is nothing like I imagined. I’ve heard people moaning for years about how awful it and how sore their back is. I haven’t had a sore back once the entire time I’ve been pregnant. I was a bit sick for a few weeks before 12 weeks but since then I’ve just felt normal! It really isn’t bad at all (in my experience) 😊 Have you told anyone yet? When are you going to? Everyone will be so excited for you

kaylock · 05/08/2021 13:33

thank you for replying it makes me feel less alone, hearing well reading someone say congratulations is really weird. and of course congratulations to you too xx

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kaylock · 05/08/2021 13:38

Hiya sarah13xx i aren't sure how to reply i have never used this before, yes i think let the news sink in for a few days or weeks will be the best thing, its blown me away quite honestly. No we still haven't told anyone yet we have a scan on 20th of this month at the IVF clinic so i guess we will see what happens then. thank you for taking the time to reply it really does help xxx and congratulations to you too its so weird to say it and have it said to me xx

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sarah13xx · 05/08/2021 13:40

@kaylock good luck on the 20th. Chances are after that you will feel completely differently. I still question if I’m actually pregnant and just find the whole thing really strange 🙈 it does sink in a bit as you go on though! Just focus on getting to your scan and worry about everything else after

KurtWilde · 05/08/2021 13:45

Congratulations! I imagine after trying for so long it's a sudden shock when it actually happens! I'm wishing you and your lovely DH and tiny bean all the very best Thanks

Derbee · 05/08/2021 13:51

@kaylock I feel exactly the same as you. Thank you for posting! I got my positive test last Friday and have pretty much cried all day everyday since then. I am terrified, and not sure that it’s what I want etc.

I joined another thread, but everyone is so over the moon and excited that I don’t really feel like I belong there. I know I’m lucky to be pregnant, (especially as my DP had a vasectomy reversal) but I just feel so terrified and unsure about it all. Haven’t felt excited at all yet, which makes me feel like a terrible person Sad

kaylock · 05/08/2021 14:06

@Derbee worked out how to reply properly now, I feel exactly the same like what on earth have i done! i keep crying all the time i am ok for a bit then its like a wave of panic comes over me its horrible, i thought I would be over the moon at the news i am so confused and as you say feeling like a dreadful person, I am just hoping and praying i am just in shock, i don't want to spoil it for my husband either and feel even more guilty. at least we know we are not alone which brings some comfort xxxxx

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kaylock · 05/08/2021 14:06

@KurtWilde thank you for your kind words x

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Lcachu · 05/08/2021 16:47

Hi @kaylock

This is me right now. In my first trimester and the anxiety is taking over. I'm waking up in the middle of the night in hot sweats and having constant nightmares, some related to the pregnancy and some not. I'm generally freaking out a little.

I'm going to speak to my midwife and see what she recommends and will let you know if I get any helpful advice.

Quadrilingual · 05/08/2021 16:54

@kaylock

Hi I am new here, and could do with some help, I am 42 happily married, house, dogs, business etc a really lovely life. I have been with my husband for just over 20 years, after moving in together all those years ago we naturally tried for baby and it didn't work, we tried IVF twice first cycle was free and the second one our family helped pay for and again it failed, and we just left it as what will be, will be, as time ticked on everyone around us is having kids, our friends other family members and we were left behind, a bit like the childless lepers. People feel awkward they don't mention their kids around you or when they get pregnant they put off telling you etc i know its difficult situation and people try to navigate the best they know how. When you meet new people the dreaded burning question of do you have kids? which for people who have had no trouble conceiving must be just a natural question, anyway we left the IVF as I said for about 10 years, then for some reason I got in my head that i was menopausal, this sent me into a panic, thinking oh my god this is it now or never i have waited too long to try again, full on panic. I explained to my husband who wasn't bothered either way as i said we were happy, (although always feeling like something was missing) so around Christmas we started the IVF again, we didn't tell anyone not friends or family just didn't want the questions or to get anyone's hopes up, I am also a very quiet private person so even being on here is difficult for me, but like i said i have told no one so have literally no where to turn. Everything went fine and two days ago I did a pregnancy test and it was positive, I thought after all this time and effort I would be over the moon but i am just petrified instead, i don't understand it , my husband is chuffed to bits as i think he had buried a lot of feelings over the years and says he feels like a weight has been lifted that he didn't know was there, I suppose after that amount of years its hard to tell. so why aren't i bouncing of the walls happy like i should be?, I mean how many people would give their right arm to be in this position! thousands! and here's me being an ungrateful bum hole, i don't know if its shock or what, i am just so confused and feel alone and upset that I aren't super excited, i just keep crying with guilt and just general being scared of carrying a baby, giving birth etc etc I do suffer from anxiety and am on a very low dose sertraline for it, so that will making things worse for. I just feel so lost and alone and I don't really know how being on here can help I just don't know what else to do, obviously i have spoken to my husband hes just confused by my reaction.
Aw congratulations and thank you for sharing your story with us. The can't imagine how you are feeling but it's great that you're sharing how you feel on here. I've just joined this after testing positive today and my initial reaction with BFP was fear, worry and dread rather than excitement too. I hope that people on here as well as friends and family will be as supportive as you need and that you start to feel less anxious soon.
kaylock · 05/08/2021 18:11

@Quadrilingual thank you x

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kaylock · 05/08/2021 18:16

@Lcachu i am so sorry you feel awful hopefully the midwife will offer some advice xx

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