I'm feeling really low and don't feel comfortable confiding in someone in the real world.

[Awarethebear]

Hi, I'm eight weeks pregnant and I feel so low, mentally, physically and emotionally. I feel so fat and ugly, I feel old and so very insecure. I'm paranoid my partner will meet someone on his travels to work and I feel so jealous of the women he says are fit and have nice tits on the television which is just so not me. He doesn't understand why I'm crying or angry even though he knows about the hormonal changes its as though he still can't comprehend the connection. Last night he snapped I saw an angry look flash across his eyes for about five seconds whilst he angrily shook a blanket he was folding at the time and raised his voice at me, I can't remember what he was saying as the look shocked me and it reminded me of the look I have seen on an ex before he would get violent. It's made me wonder is he capable of being violent in the future? Our wedding is booked for November this year, I'm just doubting everything now, the pregnancy isn't planned.

The change is hormones is just one part I think you need to talk to your doctor so they can recommend professional help for you. The feelings of distrust towards your partner are deep rooted and are being made bigger because you are pregnant. People do shout because situations are at times completely unreasonable. You cannot go through life thinking he will no ever raise his voice , just like you cant say you’d never raise yours. I think you need to speak to someone who can advise on how to handle these feelings you are having. You also need to talk to your partner he can never know what you are thinking

There are two sides to this:

First trimester hormones are real. They are very real. I remember at around 6 weeks, thinking, “oh yeah this is just like when I was on the mini-pill… I just feel alone and ugly and overwhelmed and on the verge of tears.” It gets better though!

The other thing is that well.. sometimes our intuition gets dialed all the way up. But sometimes, we also just feel extra vulnerable when we’re pregnant. No one on here can say for sure what’s going on with your partner. If you don’t feel comfortable confiding in a friend or family member, find a counselor or therapist.
They can help you recognize the start of patterns that can be problematic and get out if needed. But it also sounds like you have some trauma from previous relationships that needs to be worked out, and a professional can help you navigate that much better than a sister or even a bestie.

Thankyou both for taking the time to give me some advice and company. I do have a history of depression and yes I have been in several traumatic relationships in my life, I should maybe seek some help I am just sick of crying over serious and very trivial situations.

I’m the same OP. Only now being in my second pregnancy do I know how crazy the hormones are. I am irrational. Saying that I don’t want you thinking you are being irrational too. The hormones just exacerbate situations that you probably would have let go before. It’s hard to distinguish without looking back though.
If you really think your partner is abusive you need to talk to someone in real life who can keep an eye on you. It’s so hard being pregnant. I really struggle with my emotions. Chat whenever you like, I’m happy for you to PM me. I’m currently in the obese category so not feeling super good in myself either. My partner is loving love island aswell so that gets me miffed too. I’m trying to not buying into my stupid insecurities though as that’s all it is. Lots of hugs xxx

It turned out I had a miscarriage which started at six weeks, I thought it was just implantation bleeding, I started bleeding again on Monday, had a scan wednesday and my miscarriage was confirmed. We were upset yet relieved I might turn back into the real me. I realize I have issues with insecurities and I think that's due to an abusive upbringing and past abusive relationships. I've never really valued myself which has a low impact mentally. I feel so loved and useful to my partner though and that gives me a new sense of self worth. Thanks everyone for listening.

I’m so sorry @Awarethebear. You take as much time as you need to process things and to getting back to a comfortable place. Be kind to yourself you deserve it. xxxxx

I'm so sorry about your miscarriage.
He sounds like an arse, who on earth talks about tv women they fancy and their tits over the age of 14.
Sure your hormones might have dialed up your feelings but he's hardly making you feel good. Having been in an abusive relationship before you recognise some of the signs, don't doubt yourself.

Thanks for getting back to me @QuiltedHippo, it is childish and it does get to me. It makes me feel very un attractive.