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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Childbirth logistics

22 replies

LadyHalesBroach · 01/08/2021 09:28

Probably getting ahead of myself but trying to figure out what is the easiest scenario…

I’m due to give birth to DC2 almost exactly around Xmas by ELCS. Medical reasons - due date is 31/12 but they won’t risk me going into spontaneous labour so I’m guessing it’ll be a week or two before ie. Monday 20th December for illustrative purposes.

Who looks after DD?

I don’t have any family. DH has mum and dad who live about 400 miles away. They’re quite frail now, a bit set in their ways - all fine. Our debate is that they come down on the train half way, we pick them up the rest of the way, and then they are in situ for DH to drive me to the hospital and be present for birth. I doubt he’ll be allowed to stay and I’m happy for him to not stay the night tbh.

But that means that they’ll be here for Xmas. Which would be absolutely fine if there wasn’t a 3 day old baby in the house and me having just had surgery. My ILs are not hands on, they sleep a lot during the day (not a criticism, they’re mid70s and it’s just how they are). But even a cold hearted DIL like me wouldn’t say ‘thanks for staying now off you go’ over Xmas time. That would be heartless. But I can’t bear the thought of having to cook Xmas dinner, or not being able to just float about in my dressing gown with various bodily fluids leaking out of orifices in the privacy of my own home with no visitors.

The alternative is to sack off the idea of having the ILs over entirely. We’ve got friends we know through DD’s school who have offered to look after her in the event of an emergency, and I wonder if we got the CS scheduled for a school day that they might take DD home and then DH drives home that night and it’s all sorted. We then get Xmas to ourselves to deal with newborn and no need to cater guests. The sad part of that is that ILs will be disappointed they’ll have Xmas on their own.

So yeah that’s it. Ducked either way really. Our fault really for having (a second) Xmas baby, living far away from ILs and having no support system.

I should probably just suck it up and welcome the ILs with open arms at Xmas and just deal with it, shouldn’t I?

OP posts:

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SGChome20 · 01/08/2021 09:31

I have this predicament as well. Not pregnant yet but planning a second and wonder what we’ll do. In all honesty I’d probably rely on the friends who are closer or even pay a babysitter for a while maybe?

Cocomade · 01/08/2021 09:34

I think having the ILs will be too much for you.
Having a section there's no way you'd be able to stand and cook Xmas dinner!
I would go with your friends personally.

headintheproverbial · 01/08/2021 09:35

Personally I'd go the friends from school route. Only caveat is that you don't know for sure which day you'll have your CS - obviously anything can happen.

For my second we fortunately had CS booked in early morning. DC2 was born at 10am, DH stayed the day and went home for DC1 in the early evening. DC1 went to nursery as usual and all was fine.

Original poster

LadyHalesBroach · 01/08/2021 09:42

@headintheproverbial that is the organisational bliss I aspire to!

OP posts:

Chelyanne · 01/08/2021 09:51

If the in laws would need looking after then they are not the right people to be helping you out. If friends are willing to help I would go with them and have a good thank you gift ready for them too.
Check with your trust what days they like to plan elcs, my trust do Tue-Thu. I know our kids are finishing for Xmas holidays before the 20th this year though, your school should have published their holidays on their website already so you can check.

RedMarauder · 01/08/2021 09:56

Get your friends to look after her.

She will have a kid around her own age to play with, and you won't have to host difficult people at a stressful time.

Bancha · 01/08/2021 09:57

I would absolutely go for friends. Not wanting visitors just after you’ve had a baby is totally understandable.

If you go for friends, do they know DD? Are they able to be flexible? ELCS don’t always happen on the day/time they’re planned. Do you have any close friends you could ask, who might be able to be more flexible than the friends from school?

twinningatlife · 01/08/2021 11:36

I had twins in lockdown 3 - DH didn't make the birth as no one could get here in time to look after DD as it was an emergency as all 3 lives at risk. It's just one of those things and a risk we took getting pregnant in a pandemic although we would never have thought we would be back in lockdown January 5th and c section was originally planned for when she would have been at school

To be honest I think I'd go with having your ILs but making it clear to your DH you aren't lifting a finger and that's it

I'm not sure you can rely on the friends as what happens if you have to go in in the middle of the night?

periwinkle86 · 01/08/2021 11:50

I would definitely go with friends if I were you. It sounds like your in laws will find looking after your dd tricky anyway if they usually sleep a lot of the time, and you don’t want the pressure of cooking Christmas dinner etc. If you do go with the in laws you should make it very clear that Christmas dinner etc will not be happening in the way that they might be used to, as you won’t be up for it.

Christmas certainly complicates things for those of us due around that time doesn’t it?! I’m due early Jan with family living far away and our only option if we want to see family this year is to host Christmas whilst heavily pregnant as we don’t want to travel 4 hours away from the hospital!

BertieBotts · 01/08/2021 14:59

Go with friends or find them an AirBnB to stay in.

Let them know if they expect Christmas dinner it's going to be a KFC. Or book everyone in at a local pub or something (you could skip/stay at home if you don't feel up to it).

BertieBotts · 01/08/2021 15:00

I'm not sure you can rely on the friends as what happens if you have to go in in the middle of the night?

What do you mean? Why are friends less able to respond in the middle of the night than grandparents? What do you think those of us do who don't have family living in the same country!

trilbydoll · 01/08/2021 15:05

For Xmas catering, you could get all the food from Waitrose Entertaining, we do every year. It's just a case of putting various foil containers in the oven at various time intervals, even the sleepiest 70yo could cope with it but on balance I think I'd go with friends for childcare and say to PIL sorry, major surgery, absolutely cannot host.

3womeninaboat · 01/08/2021 15:07

Our family won’t do childcare so we paid for it, but also accepted that I might have to go it alone.

BobbleWobble1 · 01/08/2021 15:33

We will be in a similar situation as no family local. Only friends I have also have little ones of similar age/due date so I couldn't possibly ask as it would just be too imposing. At most I could as for an emergency nursery pick up but that would really be it. I'm due mid January and it's been playing on my mind a lot.

We think we're going to try and have a plan in place but be prepared for the fact I may need to go it alone. These things are just too unpredictable and I'm not planning for a CS.

Of the options you have I would definitely go with friends. No way would I be hosting Christmas for frail relatives but that's just me.

NerrSnerr · 01/08/2021 15:36

We were going to do the friends option but had an emergency so ended up going alone as it fell right on my 2 year old's bedtime so felt she needed to be the priority. It was fine.

Original poster

LadyHalesBroach · 01/08/2021 16:29

Well the decision has been made for us. They don’t feel comfortable travelling on the train, too scared of how busy it is and having to take a suitcase. It’s been suggested that we come straight to them after the hospital so we can still have Xmas together… I nearly spat out my tea is haste to shut that idea down (travelling 400 miles after a c section?!). I politely told them I’d need to be around for the midwife visits, yeah MIL, even around Xmas.

I’m relieved because now we don’t have to uninvited them. As PP pointed out, my DD will actually be out of school by then - I should have checked. I think asking a fellow mum friend to have DD for a full day is a bit much, though I know she’d do it because she’s nice. We’re looking into babysitter availability. I have suggested to DH that I go it alone but that’s been shot down as a last resort only thing.

And no we don’t know anyone in the area. Our friends are all too far away and my family is 0.

There’s always a way around it! I’m not too worried….

OP posts:

mumofmunchkin · 01/08/2021 16:38

Do talk to a friend, don't just write off that idea. Having a school age friend round to play really isn't a big hassle - whenever one of my kids friends come round to play (they are 7 and 5) they just vanish off together and it's the easiest parenting of the day. I would absolutely have a kid round for the day if their mum was going for a section, no hesitation.

boymum88 · 01/08/2021 16:55

Does her school teacher do baby sitting over the holidays if so they maybe a good shout, or find someone local and book them in a couple of times before baby's due so you can all get to know each other and u and Dh could have a date night / day before baby arrives

Pissinthepottyplease · 01/08/2021 17:04

I very much doubt a school teacher would do baby sitting.

If she has a childminder you could ask them or a member of staff at wrap around or if not ask her friends Mum. How old is DD? My oldest is going into year 1 and I would happily pick up her friend and bring her home and give her dinner and if needed I would be fine with them staying over night.

Pissinthepottyplease · 01/08/2021 17:06

@LadyHalesBroach

And no we don’t know anyone in the area. Our friends are all too far away and my family is 0.

There’s always a way around it! I’m not too worried….

Honest ask the fellow Mum. Having a friend round to play is the highlight of my 5 year old’s holiday and is much easier for me as like a PP said they keep each other occupied.

MissChanandlerBong22 · 01/08/2021 17:58

I think you might be surprised at other parents’ willingness to look after your DD. It might feel like a big ask but I think people will be much more willing than you think. For one thing their child will love it!

I also don’t have any family childcare and am due mid-Jan. My son’s a lot younger than your daughter so won’t understand what’s going on and it’s harder to ask other people to look after him. But Plan A is to that his keyworker from nursery will come to our house and look after him and we’ll pay her accordingly. I’m still working on Plan B and Plan C 😂

Applesandpears23 · 01/08/2021 20:14

I would be happy to look after another child because the parents were having a new baby. It would make me feel really useful.

For Christmas dinner get frozen food from cook. It is all as easy as oven chips and they give you a printed timetable of when to put it all in the oven so your husband will be fine.

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