How did you cope when you desperately wanted a baby?!?

[Kiwiinparis]

Backstory: my DH and I are currently saving for our first house (something that we decided we absolutely wanted to have before TTC). If all goes to plan we should be in one within the next year.

The issues is, I desperately want to get pregnant and have a baby. All my friends (bar one) either have just had their first baby or are pregnant. The logical part of my brain knows we should wait to get our house and save some money before TTC but my heart wants to be on this journey NOW.

My question is, how did you all bide your time before you could Start TTC? What did you do to distract yourself?? Desperately need some tips my brain is just full of baby stuff

I know this feeling well OP. I was TTC for 10 years & it was on my mind every day, very draining especially when it felt like everyone around me was pregnant!

I channelled my energy into some fun hobbies, I took up rock painting & soap making. Pretty cheap & easy to do & I found the creative aspect very therapeutic. If you're in the UK I'd suggest a visit to Hobbycraft, pick up some cheap starter craft kits to see if there's anything you like.

Thank you so much for the good tips! We aren’t in the UK - based in the Southern Hemisphere! We had originally had plans to do a little more travel in Europe too before TTC but with Covid and not knowing when our country will ever open it’s borders to the rest of the world we have put that on hold for now!

First of all I think you and your husband are very sensible to save for your own home before starting your family. On here alone we come across people who did not do that, who have children and are desperate to get out of inadequate housing.

It's quite natural to want a baby but, honestly, a year or two is not long to wait. You hope to be in your own place within a year which will positively fly by, then you can think seriously about trying to conceive.

Looking at houses on Rightmove can be quite interesting :-).

Presumably you are working which will fill up a lot of your time.

I agree with the above poster that it's a good idea to start a hobby, something you think you will be good at and doesn't cost much.

Good luck and I hope it won't be too long before you achieve both dreams.

I am in the exact same position as you op. Do you mind me asking how old you both are? We are early 30s and we get weekly updates that friends/family are pregnant. We have a few holidays booked this year but likely going to get cancelled wish we at least had that to look forward to!

I too was wondering how old the op and her husband are. From her post and the fact that they don't yet have their own home, I imagined they were late twenties but could be wrong.

If you have a baby before getting a mortgage, it will probably impact the amount you can borrow (you'll have a dependant, possibly reduced income depending on your maternity leave, cost of childcare if applicable etc).
Plus moving house while heavily pregnant/ with a newborn does not sound fun.

I didn’t ever have this feeling through my whole life, just never thought I’d want a baby. Then one day last year it was like a bomb had gone off in my head and I just needed a baby and needed one now! Even waiting while TTC seemed like it was really hard going. The way I felt at that point I wouldn’t have been able to wait until next year. I think I’d have to do it and worry about all the financial things later

Assuming you’re in your twenties / early 30s, buying a property first is most definitely the right thing to do and just think of it as you’re making your future children’s lives more secure by doing it this way

We are both 28

I think it’s also the fact that all of my friends are settled down and having babies now which makes me feel like we are late to the game (I know we aren’t, but where we come from late 20s is when you typically start a family)

Don’t plan your life based on what other people do, do what is the right thing for you and your partner.
I didn’t start getting pregnant til I was 38, did I give a shit what other people did or whether they had kids earlier? No

It’s very difficult, that feeling can be so overwhelming.
Personally, through the ‘waiting’ period and through the ttc period (took much longer than expected) I concentrated on getting myself into the best possible position to be a mum and to have a baby. So I lost weight, got fitter, improved my diet, did some level of self-help introspection (can’t think how else to put it!) to work on some negative behaviours, saved as much as I could etc. Just all getting myself in a better place, and gave me something else to really concentrate on.

@Kiwiinparis

I think it’s also the fact that all of my friends are settled down and having babies now which makes me feel like we are late to the game (I know we aren’t, but where we come from late 20s is when you typically start a family)

28 is young.

I get what you are saying about friends but, honestly, what's a couple of years either way? Nothing in the scheme of things.

Never compare yourself to others, you are you. Do all your friends have their own houses? It's sensible to buy before you have kids.

Good luck.

Aww I was 28 when I desperately wanted my first baby too OP, so I can empathise, I know it’s such an overwhelming feeling.

But sensible head says, if you can get your own home comfortable first it will make things much easier for you.

I had my DS1 a few weeks before I was 30. You have lots of time.

Good luck OP

I sympathise. If it helps I really think you’re doing the right thing. There’s obviously no right time to have a baby and I’m not suggesting everyone should wait until they’re in the perfect place (there’s no such thing) but I have lots of friends who went for it before being close to the right place in terms of accommodation or finances and it really is causing them a big headache now. One common scenario I’ve seen among friends is being really keen to start TTC another one within 2-2.5 years and being unable to do it because of money or space.

In terms of passing the time, like PP I focussed on getting myself into the best shape possible, physically and financially. I ate healthily and lost a stubborn half stone. I also did some low cost things I wanted to do that I knew I’d find it tough to do after - so for example I trained for and ran a half marathon, did some U.K. hikes I’d always wanted to do (like the Three Peaks), that kind of thing. And I saved money. Without wanting to sound smug I’m really glad I did wait that bit longer. It meant I could enjoy the full year maternity leave and meant we could TTC our second without any financial worries.

But I do sympathise!

@MissChanandlerBong22 sorry to interrupt but I am in a similar situation to op. I think you have provided some brilliant tips, do you mind me asking how old you were in the end when you ttc? Did you save money towards maternity to provide you with that additional financial blanket? Glad it went well for you in the end.

Its a little daunting for me wondering if we are doing the right thing waiting, I am 31 now so hoping waiting another year won't affect me too much in terms of fertility!

I'm sure you'll be fine in a year SummerBreeze.

Personally, once the house is around the corner, I would (hindsight is a wonderful thing) come off birth control and let my body adjust to this, get the tracking kit I wanted to use (OPKs and thermometer) and start learning to track my cycle so I'm focusing on something but also learning the things I need to know to TTC.

Completely understand that this may be the opposite for you and may make you want to TTC sooner, and may not be helpful. But I wish I knew more about signs of ovulation etc. earlier.

Until then, not a clue, throw your time and energy into the house hunt? I used that and planning a wedding to quieten my body clock.

I know exactly how you feel. I am also 28. My boyfriend is 32. I would have a baby tomorrow if I could. We have agreed trying next year. Our house is scheduled to go through in September. We are actually already living here just sorting mortgage etc as buying from my parents and it is such a beautiful family home which is making me feel even more like I want to get cracking. Both in good secure and well paid jobs. I do feel like a maternal switch just flicks inside of you and it gives you this urge to have a baby - I don't really know how else I would describe it. I do think its hormones and to do with mother nature. Anything we do, places we go I think ahh can you imagine bringing a little one with us. So I completely understand how you feel! Glad I'm not the only one 😂

To add things to do as a distraction, I have a very time committed hobby (a horse) but I agree with others in keeping fit and going the gym. Lots of walking. I spend a crazy amount of time reading mumsnet. Funnily enough I found mumsnet when I started thinking about babies about 3 years ago and I have found it invaluable to just find out about things pregnancy related, breastfeeding, giving birth, babies health etc. I feel like it's a bit like a head start for learning but this probably hasn't helped with the urge 😂😂

I'm in a similar boat op. Similar age and getting married at the end of the year. We've got an abroad wedding next year so were debating whether to try next year or not but came to the decision we couldn't put our lives I hold for other people and we're going to TTC Christmas.

Thennnn I was offered a job opportunity starting in September with a training program that takes 2 years, and having a baby/mat leave during that isn't really an option. I've taken it because it will enable me to earn so much more and will be so much better off financially, but the thought of feeling like this for another 2 years isn't great

My personal experience is, I was like you, I wanted to do it a certain way. We bought our house in 2016 and got married in 2017, we wanted both of them done before TTC. Watched a lot of our friends have babies, not in the way we planned, but do you know what, things worked out just fine for them! Us on the other hand, it took a long time and now our first baby is due this month. We’ve been ready since 2016, so my thought is there’s never a right time and you don’t know what life will throw at you. Yes I completely agree financial stability and a home are important but for many it works out just fine anyway! Wishing you the best of luck

We waited a long time and are able to offer our children so much more than we could have done if we had had them the first year we decided we wanted to. I was at the perfect point in my career too so during their childhood I will be able to earn more half-time than I was earning full-time at your age. You’re doing it for your future family .
Have your AMH tested if you are worried about your fertility.

@3womeninaboat fertility issues are alot more complex than just AMH

Having had a lot of IVF I’m very aware of that, but aside from getting pregnant an a suboptimal time just to see if you can, what other easy to test options are there? If you have some, definitely share them here for OP’s benefit.