What you wish you had known..?

[SweetSunflowerBoo]

Is there anything you wish you had learned or been told about pregnancy/giving birth/ post partum/ having a newborn- before you experienced it??

Just looking for ideas or advice from people's experience

Just for some insight I'm 23 weeks and it's my first pregnancy beyond 8weeks

So first time mum 💙

Thanks!

Take in some olive oil to help get the meconium off baby’s bottom. A recent suggestion from a midwife - I hear it can be sticky and baby’s bottom/skin is delicate to be wiping over and over again.

It's all so personal and different for every woman - ie my eyesight is fine, I didn't lose any hair post partum. I only bled for about a week afterwards. Both pre and post natal care I received was amazing (shout out to all at Salisbury maternity unit, including the porters and security staff, and the HVs/visiting midwives withing the Wiltshire area 🙌💓).

I just wish I'd enjoyed my pregnancy more (never stopped fretting something would go wrong) and worried less about how my ds was developing (he's a totally normal 5yo 🤷‍♀️).

Ask for help if you need it, make it clear unsolicited advice is not welcome. And savour every moment in the first few days and weeks after birth. They're amazing.

Cluster feeding for hours and hours is normal
The bleeding after can be very heavy with huge clots

Night sweats are real!
Breastfeeding can hurt in the first instance, even when done right!
Cluster feeding is temporary- it will get better!
Insist they check for tongue ties.

You feel like you've been hoofed in the vag post birth, and no one prepares you for the amount you bleed, getting up and down off a chair you feel like your insides are going to fall out 🤣🤣

Yes nobody listens about tongue ties even when you can actually see it in their mouth! My baby had to drop so much weight they were hospitalised anybody would listen, even though I spotted it on day one before we left hospital.

Take loads of maternity pads with you to hospital - I mean loads- what you think you need and then triple it. Also get really heavy duty ones - I found tena pads (the ones designed for incontinence) very absorbent and comfy.

Taking a little thank you gift in your bag (like a high street voucher) for your midwife will be appreciated.

That there's a limited amount of control you have over labour so you'd be better off reading about breastfeeding, baby care, postnatal recovery etc rather than fixating on birth.

When they say 2nd babies come quicker, believe them. My DS was born by the bus stop outside the hospital on Sunday morning due to us not making it to the hospital in time!

I wish I’d known that everything is just a phase, and you can get through it

It's OK if you don't feel "a rush of love" after your little on arrives. Everyone goes on and on about it but it doesn't happen for everyone. It doesn't mean you don't love your child, it doesn't make you a failure!

That my newborn would be asleep for 99% of the time In the first month - I was cooking meals and doing chores 2 days after getting home which I wasn't expecting to be able to do.

Also piles can arrive after birth and have only just settled 2 years later!

And sex doesn't have to be painful after birth. It took me 18 months of pain but after a small op I'm good as new.

After you give birth (if in hospital) you get taken up to the ward and then at some point you will be told to take your baby along to a room for their ear test. It doesn't take long. My son failed on one ear but they waited a few hours and did it again and then he passed

The euphoria you feel after birth is the best feeling in the world- no drug compares!!

Ask for help with that first after birth shower if you need it (the midwives always offered to help me with it). You will feel so much better after a shower. Just be prepared to bleed right through your pants during first couple of feeds. (Thats what happened to me in any case!)

You might feel a sense of panic when that baby is handed to you and you are expected to take care of them and protect them. Like WTH, how on earth am I supposed to know how to take care of this little screechy thing???!!!!!!

The more your baby nurses, the sooner your milk will come in. And OMG the pain of engorgement! My breasts went rock hard and I couldn't find a comfy position to sleep in in bed! But it doesn't last too long, around 24-48 hours thankfully!

Jaundice makes newborns very sleepy and difficult to feed. But keep feeding, you don't want them losing too much weight.

You will likely have a huge appetite after birth for the first few weeks. Try eat nutritious meals but you deserve the treats too!

No one told me that my boobs would be massive and rock solid a few days after birth. I also didn't know that they would go down again in a week or so, thought they stayed that way the whole time you were breastfeeding.

No one talks about how important it is to make sure that your DH gets a chance to learn how to take care of the baby too. No one talks about the importance of still doing things for yourself and doing things that you love and enjoy. Do not give up your whole identity.

1. Water Wipes are the best. Don't mess about with cotton wool. Would you normally try to clean up a big mess with cotton wool?!
2. Lack of sleep and lots of new things to remember. Get a whiteboard so you know the last time baby ate, shopping you need etc and so it's obvious and you don't have to keep telling other people in the house.
3. Think ahead. Plenty of snack food (including for hospital), freezer meals, phone charger, change for parking, taxi number etc. Do not trust a hospital to provide food, water, painkillers or (should you need it), formula, in a timely fashion.
4. Babies involve lots of moving and handling - the baby itself, car seats, equipment like prams and buggies etc. Practice using any unfamiliar equipment, take care of your back and place things in handy places -- you don't want to block the all important path to the bathroom/loo and nor do you want to have to fetch nappy stuff from another floor - put it in a bag or box in a few convenient locations.

For the first couple of weeks there were plenty of 'what have I done' moments. I second @nobranothanks - I didn't feel an immediate rush of love for the first few weeks and felt majorly guilty however you are sleep deprived and emotions are all over the place! Now at 8 weeks those feelings are very much behind me.

Disposable tena pants for hospital, didn't wear anything else for the first few days.

Don't underestimate healing and taking care of yourself. Ask the midwife to check stitches at the home visits. My episiotomy has caused me grief that could have been prevented if they'd checked.

Don’t worry about potentially having an episiotomy (a cut), it’s better than tearing and is literally the least painful part of the whole thing - it’s so quick and I didn’t feel it at all.

Also, if you do have an episiotomy, ask your midwife to check that your stitches are healing properly at any and all opportunities. They don’t always offer, but are always happy to have a look if you ask.

Adult nappies. At least for the first day or two. I thought I knew how much bleeding there’d be and that a maternity pad will be fine. But no and no.

Also, I found that if I started to get a bit frustrated because of lack of sleep or lots of baby crying, singing helped. Even if it was absolute bonkers drivel “I’m changiiiiing your littleeeee bottooooom nowwww!” it helped me calm down. Probably due to breathing differently. Deep breaths would have probably worked the same

Get loads of sleep, whenever you can before the baby is due. Not because you won't get much when the baby comes (which is also true), but because you don't want to go into labour on no sleep, like I did! I had only had an hour, it was 1am when I went & then I didnt get sleep again for another 20 hours. Thank god I had a fast labour!

Some babies just cry all the time and the reason for it may never be found and it doesn't mean there is necessarily a medical cause. Also I had no idea what the effect of that constant crying for 7+ months would be - PND, strain on our marriage, increased anxiety and all sorts. BUT it does get better, slowly and gradually, but it does eventually.

I didn't realise I would need so many maternity pads and once had to send my poor DB out hunting for the ones I found most comfy and absorbent .

I was too scared of nipple confusion and agonised over small introductions of a dummy and bottle, which was ridiculous, it was fine and I should have done both sooner.

@Muma1992

Get loads of sleep, whenever you can before the baby is due. Not because you won't get much when the baby comes (which is also true), but because you don't want to go into labour on no sleep, like I did! I had only had an hour, it was 1am when I went & then I didnt get sleep again for another 20 hours. Thank god I had a fast labour!

Ugh a similar thing happened to me except I was already going to bed quite early every night as I suspected this would happen. However typically we went out the evening before so I didn't go to bed til midnight-ish and then was woken at 4am with contractions. I didn't give birth until about 9am the day after THAT, all without any sleep. Unsurprisingly I ended up with an instrumental, I don't think my pushing was that effective given how exhausted I was!

Gas and air is amazing!

Rest, rest and rest. Birth is hard work. Even if you feel fine in the days after you should still rest.

Bottle feed if you want. Breast feeding isn’t easy, don’t feel bullied into it if it’s not for you.

Cuddle your baby as much as you want. They grow so fast x

@MeadowHay I needed an assisted birth, because I was so exhausted that my pushing wasn't doing much! I bet when you finally got a bit of sleep, it was heaven! I enjoyed my tiny naps after (but was too busy looking at my baby mostly haha)