Increasing fears about labour and delivery after traumatic first birth

[uglynakedguy0808]

Hi everyone,

I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with my second baby.

A little back story on my first - I had my first 8 years ago, I was 10 days overdue and contractions started incredibly strong, and all in my back. It turned out DS was back to back which wasn't picked up until labour started. I was in so much pain I was projectile vomiting constantly at home and in the way to hospital to be checked, not from any medication or anything, just from the pain.
After a few hours I was given pethadin, which was a godsend for me ( I think I was only 2cm dilated at this point after hours of pain and couldn't be given an epidural at this point). After a couple of hours the pethadin started to wear off, I asked for more but they couldn't give me any as it wasn't long enough since my last dose. Anyway, as the pain came back, I totally lost control, I was completely gone, I was screaming, lost control of my bladder and bowels and was probably a total and utter nightmare for the midwives, but the pain was just too much. When I was dilated enough I was given an epidural and the experience got a whole lot more pleasant from then on.

The experience totally scarred me, and now that my pregnancy is progressing, I'm getting SERIOUSLY worried about me losing control again and going through the same hell again. I'm under no illusion that labour is easy and I want to be able to do it better this time, but I just doubt I can. It's worth mentioning with my first, my partner at the time was not with me (I had my mum with me) as he had cheated on me during the pregnancy so we split up. I am now in the happiest relationship I could have ever hoped for with the best partner ever, and I want to be able to experience the excitement of labour with him as this is his first child, but I don't want it to be anything like it was last time.

Im not really sure what I'm asking here, but i just kind of wish I could see into the future to know if this time will be different/better in anyway. Or do I cut my losses and ask for an ELCS due to my fears over it? Did I have particularly "bad" labour pains due to him being back 2 back? Or is there not much difference pain wise between a normal labour and a back 2 back labour?

Any advice, comments, support welcome

Back to back is more painful yes.

Definitely worth discussing an elcs if you feel like you would like more control over the birth.

I had my DS yesterday (second baby) and he was back to back, oh my god! Never experienced anything like it! Definitely a hell of a lot more painful than my DD labour.
It is important to keep in mind, that while an Csection is of course your choice, the recovery time is a lot longer, with more possibilities for complications. Also, second labours are statistically shorter and easier than first as your body already knows what to do. It's not always the way but statistics are on your side! Good luck with whichever delivery options you go for!

I had back to back with my first and it was incredibly painful but I didn't with my second and whilst it was actually a slower labour it was a much better labour with a better outcome as delivered unassisted whereas in my first I had forceps so definitely better overall.

I had a traumatic birth with DD1. It was bloody awful. I asked for, and was given an elcs for DD2 and it was actually really peaceful and controlled and the recovery was no where near as bad as I'd anticipated. I had a day or so of abdominal discomfort, then back to 'normal' quite quickly. Recovered faster from my C-section than I did my vaginal delivery.

You can have an elcs. You dont owe your partner a vaginal birth. A c section will be just as special. He wouldnt want to see you in pain would he? I had a textbook fine water birth and it was such a horrible experience for me I went for elcs and so happy I did.

Bless you!! My first was back to back through most of labour, pain so bad!! Pethadine helped. I also got in the birthing pool which helped loads.

I was sure I'd have the same problem with my second!! However, i had a lovely homebirth in water and never touched the emergency pethidine i had been prescribed.

Apart from the labour itself being different, not back to back, i completely believe it was my mindset going into it.

I read Ina May's birth book and it was a massive eye opener for me. I used hypnobirthing techniques and what I'd learnt from the book and felt SO much more in control.

I 100% recommend the book and planning on ways to cope with any pain - breathing techniques, visualisation etc etc.

I fully believe this time you will be far more in control going into it xx

Thank you so much for everyone's replied, they are really helpful.

I think I'll discuss with midwife and go from there, I've only seen her once and I don't know why I didn't bring it up, but as the days/weeks go by I'm getting increasingly worked up.

I wasn't sure if my reason was a good enough excuse to be given an ELCS, but have read on similar threads that it is ultimately my choice on how I deliver.

I would love to think I'll be able to do it this time but the worry and anxiety I think may ruin it, so am considering asking for ELCS.

Thanks all x

State of mind is everything with labour and how we deal with pain. Back to back labours are also quite horrific. This labour will be easier and quicker, that’s overwhelmingly supported by statistics. I’m sure you could make a case for an elective LSCS, but I also think you could overcome this anxiety and have a positive labouring experience. I’d guess the latter route would help you emotionally heal from your first labour experience too.

Could you have a look at Ina May Gaskin, hypnobirthing, positive birth company etc? You really are statistically very very likely to have a quick and easy labour. Second babies are a midwife’s dream to deliver.

Very pleased to hear you have a supportive partner now. Good luck!