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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

My partner is away for 6 weeks and I feel so vulnerable!

18 replies

sas94 · 26/07/2021 00:10

I'm only 12 weeks so I'm not far along and I'm able to carry on as normal. I just feel super emotional about it, he's gone on a course so he can get a good qualification before the baby comes, but it means him staying away for 6 weeks. I know its not long but I'm so used to having him around and I feel super vulnerable and sad. I'm also dreading having to go to a scan on my own. Any tips on how to get over this?

OP posts:
Moominmiss · 26/07/2021 00:41

Hi, I’ve no advice as such, just that I’m in the same position. I’m 32 weeks and my partner has just left today to work away for the next 5/6 weeks. It’s an 8 week job but he’s only going to do 5 or 6 (or less if I deliver early). Was just too good a financial opportunity to turn down at a time when the extra money is going to come in super handy!

He’s about 2 hours away. I’m having an elective c section and should be given my date in a couple of weeks so we can plan better when he needs to come home. But this is baby number 4, and I have Gestational diabetes controlled with insulin so realistically my consultant could decide to deliver as early as 37 weeks, but will be no later than 39.

I have several consultant appointments coming up, as well as growth scans which I’ll be doing alone. Plus looking after my 3 children, one of which has to go into hospital for a small surgery in a few weeks, and dealing with builders who are currently building our extension.

On top of all of that I’ll have to do all the buying of the back to school stuff on my own as he’s essentially away for the entirety of the school holidays and my eldest is starting at secondary school so lots to sort out. While I’d usually be the one to sort the vast majority of this anyway, somehow without him here I feel like my head is going to explode with trying to make sure my pregnancy brain doesn’t let me forget things like appointments and dates, and what I need to have bought for when etc! I’ve got a wall calendar with everything written on it so hoping if I follow that day by day it’ll fool proof things! 🤞🏻

I don’t think it’s hit me yet that he’s gone and that he won’t be around until a day or 2 before my section date! All the baby stuff is still in his mums loft 🙈 so he’ll have to get that down for me in the day or 2 before I go into hospital.

Going to keep myself busy with washing baby bits and a good old bit of deep cleaning my house! Lol

RainingZen · 26/07/2021 04:16

I went to my 20 week scan alone as my DH was working away. I reminded myself that loads of women do this, that even if it was bad news he would be just on the other end of a phone. In the end i found it quite empowering and I enjoyed being the first to know the sex of my baby and being able to deliver that news to him (cute baby-reveal text message as he wanted to know as soon as his meetings ended).

You are nearly through Trimester 1 and most women find tri 2 so much easier. Try and distract yourself seeing friends, go swimming, pamper yourself a bit.

tiredmama2020 · 26/07/2021 05:44

@sas94 It’s hard OP but you’ll manage fine, do you have family around? We had our first baby last year (got pregnant just before covid struck!) so I had to attend all scans and appointments alone. DH also works offshore for weeks at a time 😔 it’s lonely but it’s fine!

Redsockwhitewash · 26/07/2021 06:52

I spent the whole of my pregnancy alone as my DP had to move to Africa for work for 8 months. I did all the appointments and scans alone. At times I felt lonely and worried in case anything went wrong with the baby but I actually grew to enjoy it (and now look back very happily on that time). I bonded with the bump and really looked after myself - went for walks, cooked healthy meals, did gardening, read loads and slept for hours and hours! It also really made me miss my partner and pine for him, which made his return so special. Find ways to fill your time and see family and friends and look after yourself. 6 weeks will fly by.

Noterook · 26/07/2021 06:55

You'll be fine, it's weird at first if you're used to them being around all the time, but try to make the most of it. Watch what you want on TV, make the meals you like, starfish in bed, long calls with friends etc. DH was deployed for 6 months when I was pregnant and I took friends or my mum to scans.

sas94 · 26/07/2021 13:47

@Moominmiss

Hi, I’ve no advice as such, just that I’m in the same position. I’m 32 weeks and my partner has just left today to work away for the next 5/6 weeks. It’s an 8 week job but he’s only going to do 5 or 6 (or less if I deliver early). Was just too good a financial opportunity to turn down at a time when the extra money is going to come in super handy!

He’s about 2 hours away. I’m having an elective c section and should be given my date in a couple of weeks so we can plan better when he needs to come home. But this is baby number 4, and I have Gestational diabetes controlled with insulin so realistically my consultant could decide to deliver as early as 37 weeks, but will be no later than 39.

I have several consultant appointments coming up, as well as growth scans which I’ll be doing alone. Plus looking after my 3 children, one of which has to go into hospital for a small surgery in a few weeks, and dealing with builders who are currently building our extension.

On top of all of that I’ll have to do all the buying of the back to school stuff on my own as he’s essentially away for the entirety of the school holidays and my eldest is starting at secondary school so lots to sort out. While I’d usually be the one to sort the vast majority of this anyway, somehow without him here I feel like my head is going to explode with trying to make sure my pregnancy brain doesn’t let me forget things like appointments and dates, and what I need to have bought for when etc! I’ve got a wall calendar with everything written on it so hoping if I follow that day by day it’ll fool proof things! 🤞🏻

I don’t think it’s hit me yet that he’s gone and that he won’t be around until a day or 2 before my section date! All the baby stuff is still in his mums loft 🙈 so he’ll have to get that down for me in the day or 2 before I go into hospital.

Going to keep myself busy with washing baby bits and a good old bit of deep cleaning my house! Lol

@moominmiss Oh I feel for you. Especially with 3 children! It's so difficult when you know it's good financially but it doesn't stop it being hard emotionally! Sending lots of love your way ❤️

OP posts:
sas94 · 26/07/2021 13:48

@RainingZen

I went to my 20 week scan alone as my DH was working away. I reminded myself that loads of women do this, that even if it was bad news he would be just on the other end of a phone. In the end i found it quite empowering and I enjoyed being the first to know the sex of my baby and being able to deliver that news to him (cute baby-reveal text message as he wanted to know as soon as his meetings ended).

You are nearly through Trimester 1 and most women find tri 2 so much easier. Try and distract yourself seeing friends, go swimming, pamper yourself a bit.

@rainingzen yeah that is true. Lots do do it alone. I hope trimester 2 is easier! Thank you for your advice ❤️❤️

OP posts:
sas94 · 26/07/2021 15:56

[quote tiredmama2020]@sas94 It’s hard OP but you’ll manage fine, do you have family around? We had our first baby last year (got pregnant just before covid struck!) so I had to attend all scans and appointments alone. DH also works offshore for weeks at a time 😔 it’s lonely but it’s fine![/quote]
@tiredmama2020

I do have family around, my nan in particular is super supportive so I am lucky in the aspect. I'm glad you got through it ❤️ does he still go away?? X

OP posts:
sas94 · 26/07/2021 15:58

@Redsockwhitewash

I spent the whole of my pregnancy alone as my DP had to move to Africa for work for 8 months. I did all the appointments and scans alone. At times I felt lonely and worried in case anything went wrong with the baby but I actually grew to enjoy it (and now look back very happily on that time). I bonded with the bump and really looked after myself - went for walks, cooked healthy meals, did gardening, read loads and slept for hours and hours! It also really made me miss my partner and pine for him, which made his return so special. Find ways to fill your time and see family and friends and look after yourself. 6 weeks will fly by.

@redsockwhitewash

This is actually a really nice way to look at it. Thank you for the advice. ❤️

OP posts:
sas94 · 26/07/2021 15:59

@Noterook

You'll be fine, it's weird at first if you're used to them being around all the time, but try to make the most of it. Watch what you want on TV, make the meals you like, starfish in bed, long calls with friends etc. DH was deployed for 6 months when I was pregnant and I took friends or my mum to scans.

@noterook

Haha the starfishing in bed is a good positive! Thank you ❤️

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2021 16:01

What is it thats making you feel vulnerable? Do you live in a rough area? Could you sleep elsewhere whilst he's gone or anyone who can stay with you? Are you high risk? Has he got an agreement with work to leave urgently if you're unwell?

Re scans, im not sure if all hospitals are letting two in anyway but its still crap. Can anyone meet you outsdie?

Moominmiss · 26/07/2021 16:04

@sas94 sending you lots of love to you too. Regardless of how many women do it alone every day, when you’re used to your partner being there, it’s a big adjustment to get used to when all of a sudden they’re not!

Others are right though about one thing, and that’s the 6 weeks will be over before you know it. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway! So for now I’m definitely going to just enjoy the few perks of not having him here. The spreading out in bed is a huge plus and I had an amazing night sleep last night!

tiredmama2020 · 26/07/2021 16:06

I do have family around, my nan in particular is super supportive so I am lucky in the aspect. I'm glad you got through it ❤️ does he still go away?? X

Glad that you have family around 😊 and lovely to have your Nan to help! Yes he does still work away - has done now for 10 years so I’m definitely used to it by now but it’s much different now that we have a baby too! He does 6 weeks away then 4 weeks at home. It’s lovely to have 4 weeks of family time when he’s home but 6 weeks alone with baby is hard work!
Can you keep yourself nice and busy for the 6 weeks? Will you be working? Congratulations on your pregnancy too 😊 x

sociallydistained · 26/07/2021 16:15

Focus on yourself for this time, OP. Remember it maybe your only alone time for a long time! Eat whatever you want in the evening without pleasing anyone else, watch what you want, have nice long baths and early nights! Eat chocolate on the sofa whilst binge watching something your dp wouldn’t watch 😂

I would love this to be honest lol.

shivawn · 26/07/2021 17:27

My husband had to go away for a few weeks for work on my second trimester. I just used it as a excuse for loads of girl time and scheduled in loads of meals and evening walks so I was meeting up with a friend most days. Time goes by fast when you're busy. I had plenty video calls with my husband too!

I had to go to my 12 week scan alone too, not because he was away but those were the covid restrictions at my maternity hospital. It sucks but send him photos of the ultrasound straight after and call him right away while you're still on a high! I was totally fine going on my own in the end, I just felt bad for him!

buckingmad · 27/07/2021 04:59

DH is army officer and was deployed on covid duty about 300 miles away literally days after we must have conceived (found out I was pregnant whilst he was gone!) until Christmas so about 3 months. It was supposed to be 5 but luckily for the last 2 he managed to work from home whilst we were in the very strict lock down.

Was tough managing morning sickness, work, dog, cat and horse but had no other choice so just got on with it. Just make sure you make time to chat/ft etc. Always make sure you have a good supply of snacks you fancy! Not being able to rely on him to go out and get what I fancied for me when I felt really rough was the biggest killer 😂

sas94 · 27/07/2021 10:10

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all your wonderful advice. And you're all so strong for going through what you went through. It's so reassuring to hear you were all okay in the end. I have terrible anxiety so everything seems heightened but I'm starting to feel a bit better. Little things like being able to have the bed to myself and watch what I want on TV is getting me through. Like a lot of you have said 6 weeks will fly by. Congratulations on all of your pregnancies and thank you for sharing all your stories ❤️

OP posts:
PerfectPrepPrincess · 27/07/2021 10:13

Make sure you have a video call most days, maybe eat tea together by video call xx

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