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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Partner's Gender Disappointment

5 replies

MelancholyMother · 25/07/2021 08:39

Yesterday we had a gender scan as our hospital has a policy where they don't tell you the gender at 20 weeks. We found out that our second child is the same gender as our first.
I won't say whether that is male or female as it don't feel like it's relevant. We looked forward to the scan and my partner was engaged with the scan until the gender was revealed. I was so happy when we seen the heartbeat again and that everything was okay that it didn't matter to me either way which gender. However, I know my partner hoped for one of each. Well of course this wasn't the case and he become withdrawn when the gender was revealed. All I could see is the disappointment in his eyes. I just feel sadness for his baby at this point. I know my partner will love our baby no matter what when they are here but I can't cope with his disappointment. We are 90% sure that this is our last child and I know he just hoped for one of each. For me, maybe selfishly I feel he took all the happiness out of our last gender scan and I keep getting upset thinking about it.
I almost feel like I can't refer to the baby as he or she in front of him.
I guess I'm not asking a question here, just looking for some similar stories for comfort right now.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
boringcreation · 25/07/2021 08:44

Hey, I was the same except I was the one who was disappointed that our second was the same sex as our first. I really wanted a girl, but I didn't realise how much until they told us it was a boy. I was really upset for about a week, but I think I needed to feel that and to grieve (like you we are 99% sure we're not having anymore). I quickly got over it and am now madly in love with him but I definitely needed a whole to process the whole thing.

toolazytothinkofausername · 25/07/2021 08:46

My DH did the same. He got over it after a week.

almosttheend · 25/07/2021 08:54

I was the one with gender disappointment with our second. I cried and cried after our scan. I felt so guilty about being so upset the one thing I appreciated was how lovely and understanding my partner was! He could have been annoyed at me and said I ruined the excitement for him but instead he comforted me made me feel so much better about the whole thing. A week or so later with his help I was totally over the disappointment and was so excited!

You could go two ways with this situation, I hope you choose the way my partner did with me!

MelancholyMother · 25/07/2021 09:02

@almosttheend

I was the one with gender disappointment with our second. I cried and cried after our scan. I felt so guilty about being so upset the one thing I appreciated was how lovely and understanding my partner was! He could have been annoyed at me and said I ruined the excitement for him but instead he comforted me made me feel so much better about the whole thing. A week or so later with his help I was totally over the disappointment and was so excited!

You could go two ways with this situation, I hope you choose the way my partner did with me!

Thanks for this. I've just been avoiding talking to him about it for now as I'm unsure what to say. All I've really said is that I understand he hoped for one of each. I don't want to make him feel bad but also wanting him to share my excitement! Hopefully, it will just take time.
OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 25/07/2021 09:30

Very common, try not to let it upset you. He will soon come round.

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