Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Feeling judged and baby isn't even here yet

12 replies

Zizi91 · 22/07/2021 17:00

Did anyone find as soon as you started telling people you were pregnant the judgement from others started rolling in?

I'm just over 30 weeks.

My family have been particularly bad for this and it's started to really get me down. My mother has made me feel like I'm just going to sit the baby on front of the TV all day (not sure where she's got this from as as a couple we only watch a maximum of an hour of TV a day, and don't have 'live' TV as such, just a subscription service. But my mother pretty much always has the TV on.)

My sister has kindly been sending out links to me of baby items, but it is always super expensive stuff and if I opt for something slightly different or a cheaper alternative it is picked apart about why it's not as good as the item sent as a link to me. The majority of items I've brought so far have been second-hand, but as soon as a mention buying something new myself my family make me feel as though it's either the wrong choice or that I'm being excessive and materialistic. It's not like I'm even just dropping these things into conversation, they ask about something and I respond. I was made to feel bad for buying a few bits of clothing for myself (4 items of clothes, 2 of which were second-hand, so not even that much!) that will last me through the rest of the pregnancy and are suitable for breast feeding and beyond (I was wearing a new piece of clothing when they saw me so they commented), but my sister shops like it is an Olympic sport and nothing is ever said about this.

My grandma made a comment the other day on how I cried a lot as a baby and that I was a "bad" baby, whatever this means, and asked if was I going to have a baby that cried a lot too. I was just like all babies cry, some more than others, I have no idea what they are going to be like 🤷

My family have also been very critical of me mulling over the option of having a homebirth/birthing centre/midwife led unit and dismissive that I'll be able to manage a unmedicated/low medicated, hypnobirthing birth saying they think I'll end up getting an epidural anyway. I know this one is definitely out of love that they are trying to dissuade me on where to have the baby, but I'm low risk and have a lot of anxieties about a hospital birth and need to do what is right for me and my baby. I will of course go to hospital if it is needed.

Just feeling very unsupported and that it's a lot of negativity that I don't need around me right now. I also feel like it's only going to get worse when baby is here with other things that come up like baby's name, breast feeding, getting baby to sleep, what clothes to put them in etc. I'm not sure if I'm just being completely oversensitive with hormones and probably a bit grumpy with how hot it has been recently 🥵 or whether these things would bother you others too or if others have experienced similar to this too? I'm not really sure how to deal with it as don't feel like I can say anything to them so am just sort of biting my tongue on it.

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 22/07/2021 17:03

You need to perfect the art of not giving a shite what anyone else thinks of you. Makes life so much more pleasant. Everyone has opinions. (You do too btw) you’ll always have people giving you theirs. It doesn’t matter. Ignore anything you don’t like. Their opinions are entirely irrelevant to your life.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/07/2021 17:05

Welcome to parenting.

Or should I say, welcome to Motherhood. Dads to be dont face this sort of crap.

ChocFondant · 22/07/2021 17:08

That sounds so wearing and annoying. I hope you feel better for writing it down on here. Sometimes a vent is just what you need!

Maybe just back off in some conversations when they ask about baby items to save yourself the stress. Can you just say you haven't decided yet even they ask about items and change the subject? Might be easier said than done, you know the characters involved!

What is your relationship like with your family usually? It's hard to predict how people will respond when baby arrives. If you feel a firm word now would nip things in the bud that could be an option. I was getting a bit stressed with some comments from my mum and was firmer than usually would be but it did work!

samwitwicky · 22/07/2021 17:15

You need to find a way of letting it go in through one and out through the other.

Welcome to Parenthood. Where every fucker feels it is acceptable to judge your parenting, regardless of what might be happening in their own house.

Believe in you. You are mum. You know what's best for your child. No one else's unwanted unrequested opinion matters.

You got this!

birdglasspen · 22/07/2021 17:16

They sound awful, ask them if they have nothing nice or supportive to say not to bother saying anything! It's your baby and your birth and they are way to involved in what you buy and how you plan to labour! Join a fb hypnobirthing group and find people (woman!) with similar ideas to you to help support your choices. No one knows how their birth will go but there is no harm in going in with preferences ...and an open mind!

BobbleWobble1 · 22/07/2021 17:34

Yep I'm with the others. The most important thing you will learn as a parent is how not to give a shit.

You do you. Ignore unwanted opinions.

I agree with a PP that for some reason dads don't get this crap, just mums.

CPDubs · 22/07/2021 17:35

This sounds unbearable. There’s enough to be worrying and dealing with without this extra crap. I’m not sure how they’d take it but I’d be sitting them down telling them you only want positive comments, negative ones they can keep to themselves. Everyone has the odd moment but this sounds non stop and very wearing!

Mansplainee · 22/07/2021 17:42

I think it’s normal for people to interfere a bit and give their unsolicited opinions, but this sounds next level. I’d probably stop telling them things to be honest, or make sure they know that they have no say in how you raise your child.

Zizi91 · 22/07/2021 21:07

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I know I definitely need to get a thicker skin in terms of letting it all just wash over me and think I've been having a particularly tough few days with a few various things so have let things get on top of me maybe more than I usually would. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully being off work over the weekend will help me chill a bit more 😊

I am absolutely going to stop telling them as some have suggested and just say I haven't thought or decided on something yet if they ask.

OP posts:
CanofCant · 22/07/2021 21:50

I am absolutely going to stop telling them as some have suggested and just say I haven't thought or decided on something yet if they ask

This is the best thing to do I think. I haven't told many people about the name I've chosen for this DC as I know most people won't like it, it's quite old fashioned but I love it. Much harder for them to wrinkle their noses in disgust when faced with a cute, real live baby.

Do you live with them?

Zizi91 · 22/07/2021 22:46

@CanofCant oh right with you won't be telling anyone our baby name ideas until baby is here and my partner and I have decided on their name for certain. But I can just imagine now unless their name is something my mum knows already she will say she can't pronounce their name even with baby right in front of her. I'm sure whatever we name baby she'll have to get used to though.

No I just live with my partner so a lot of things like what I wear and buy they don't have to know.

OP posts:
Chanel05 · 23/07/2021 11:27

Unfortunately, it happens in pregnancy and throughout parenthood!! At 39 weeks pregnant my Nan said, "I don't see why you're overdue, none of us (her, mum, sister) ever went overdue". Tried to point out that I wasn't! I literally went into labour at 40+1 Grinand you just can't please some people, they will always voice their comments and unsolicited advice!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page