Pregnancy guilt

[Jordy92]

So we found out we was pregnant in May and obviously was super excited, knowing that my sister-in-law was also trying at the same time and had similar testing dates, she was one of the 1st to know. She hadn’t told us that she was on her first round of IVF and was going through the loss :(
So now every time I feel she looks at me shes grieving what she could’ve had and she would’ve looked like/be feeling. As we would of had similar due dates.
Obviously she is super excited for us, and can’t wait to be an auntie and be involved. But I just don't know some times how much to share with her. As I do have some pregnancy guilt.

Please don't feel guilty!

I had a mc before my successful pregnancy and I'll be honest, it was hard when I had friends/family telling me they were pregnant - not because I wasn't happy for them, I was just grieving the baby I'd lost and feeling it was never going to happen so it was hard.
That never changed how happy I was for my family and friends though, if anything, having known the pain of losing a pregnancy, it made me happier for them as I was glad they weren't going through that loss if that made sense.

It may be hard for her to hear you talk about it a lot but everyone's different. I would just have a chat with her and let her know that if it's ever getting too much when you're talking about it that it's okay for her to let you know, you won't be offended and know that it's not personal.

You have nothing to feel guilty for, whether you were or weren't pregnant it wouldn't have changed the outcome of theirs. Enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations!

She won’t want you feeling guilty. This guilt is all about you, not about her. Try and knock it on the head.

Obviously she is super excited for us, and can’t wait to be an auntie and be involved.

How do you know this? If it’s something she’s explicitly told you and it seemed genuine, I would take that as a guide that she’s happy to talk about the pregnancy, or at least happy not to avoid talking about it.
Also, what really is there to share with her? Whether you’re feeling well or not? How you’re getting your house ready? I would just go with what comes up naturally in conversation being led by her. Scan photos are particularly sensitive for lots of women so I’d definitely avoid sending those.

Do not ever share your pregnancy guilt with her. You’re putting her in the position of having to make you feel better which is not a nice place to be.

One other thing to bear in mind is it’s often worse being around pregnant women than when they’ve had the baby. If things do become awkward while you’re pregnant, it may well get better later.