Not looking forward to my second baby…

[HotPregnantLady]

I’m due in less than a week with my second. I’m dreading it and have wondered for a long time why on earth I was so keen to have another child.

I suffered loss and had surgery etc before this baby so it was very much wanted and planned. But I can’t help but think I’ve just made life 1000x harder for myself and won’t cope.

I can’t decide if my toddler (2.5) is hard work or if I’m just short on patience. He is just so demanding right now and constantly telling me off - I’m not sat in the right place, can’t wear my hair a certain way, he doesn’t want his nappy, doesn’t want to use the toilet for me. He’s always been a bit particular and really independent - but seems to have intensified after a relatively calm period where I felt he was turning a corner with improved communication and getting much easier. He is much better for my husband - he will stay dry for my husband and use the toilet but he works away/really long hours. I cannot leave the park without fireman lifting him kicking and screaming which I thought was something we’d overcome.

I sat up last night thinking how on earth will I manage and just feel it’s going to be a massive slog. Then I see women with 4+ kids keeping their sh*t together and I am embarrassed I am dreading a second. I feel so guilty for not looking forward to this.

Is this unusual? Is it likely to be cured by that flurry of newborn hormones??

I think that they often play up for you just before the baby arrives, they pick up on your lack of patience and anxiety.

What are your plans for when LO arrives? Has DH got any Paternity Leave planned?

Thanks - a few people have said the same so I’m hoping it’s just that. I felt like we had such a great routine and he was becoming such good company and now it feels like I wake up counting down to bedtime!!

My DH has a month off this time - thank goodness. I am having an ELCS.

I got my DH to take DS out every morning when he was off. Anywhere that would wear him out so lots of walking, playing outside and swimming.

That gave me chance to just focus on the baby for a couple of hours.

Does he still have a nap as well?

Dont feel bad, its very normal to feel this way. I have a 3.5 and 2.5 year old and they both go through these crazy toddler phases that test your patience to the limit.
I was bricking it and so scared before my 2nd too, wondering how on earth I would cope, but I did and I do! Some days can be hard, especially during winter and with the lockdowns but having two is great!
I just found out I am pregnant with my 3rd so I am going through the same motions again, how will I cope etc and my kids have been a bit more grumpy with the heat so its not easy!
All the best, you will be just fine once baby is here.

@BunnyRuddington

I got my DH to take DS out every morning when he was off. Anywhere that would wear him out so lots of walking, playing outside and swimming.

That gave me chance to just focus on the baby for a couple of hours.

Does he still have a nap as well?

Yes that’s what I usually do. My DH spends all day everyday in our garden when he’s with DS. We are lucky to have loads of outdoor space so that helps. I’ll get him to take him to the park etc too.

He’s not v reliable with naps and if he naps he doesn’t go down until quite late (9/10pm) so I never let him have longer than half an hour.

@blondeirishmummy84

Dont feel bad, its very normal to feel this way. I have a 3.5 and 2.5 year old and they both go through these crazy toddler phases that test your patience to the limit. I was bricking it and so scared before my 2nd too, wondering how on earth I would cope, but I did and I do! Some days can be hard, especially during winter and with the lockdowns but having two is great! I just found out I am pregnant with my 3rd so I am going through the same motions again, how will I cope etc and my kids have been a bit more grumpy with the heat so its not easy! All the best, you will be just fine once baby is here.

Oh bless you, thank you. I hope your third pregnancy goes ok. My DH said he will get the snip after this one!!

Im in the same boat. 30 weeks pregnant a 3.5 year old to entertain who is besotted with daddy.
Some days are hard and I think shit why am I having another, like yours, my lb is very independent, and everything has to be just so. He's a handful 😂
Patience wise I'm not so bad, but when you've asked 50 times then I get a tad cranky.
Pregnancy hormones, anxiety of what will be and the heat... The unbearable heat.... All make for a really fun (shit) time! Hang in there though I bet your doing a grand job really, but unfortunately we are out own worst critics

I feel exactly the same. Due in 10 days with a DD aged 20 months. Wondering what on earth I was thinking and feeling miserable and worried.

I think it'll all sort itself out when number 2 arrives and things settle down.

@Heepers

I feel exactly the same. Due in 10 days with a DD aged 20 months. Wondering what on earth I was thinking and feeling miserable and worried.

I think it'll all sort itself out when number 2 arrives and things settle down.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way too but glad to know I’m not the only one. I’m a bit worried I am depressed!

This is SO normal! I spent my entire pregnancy with DD thinking I’d made a huge mistake because DS was so hard to handle. I was actively excited about going to work, and took my mat leave as late as I possibly could because I felt like being at home was harder. It was 100 times easier than I’d built it up to be once she was here. After the first couple of weeks, I was more physically capable than I had been when pregnant and DD was still small enough that she mostly slept. We could just pop her in the sling and crack on.

DS is almost 3 now, and DD is 9 months. It’s still doable. DD is a nightmare for climbing/crawling/cruising and getting in to everything, and DS gets cross with her ruining his games, but we have some really sweet moments with the two of them playing together now.

@HotPregnantLady how are you doing? I'm being induced tomorrow and so nervous. My toddler has stopped sleeping through as well so I'm knackered. Hope you're enjoying a newborn and everything is OK x

Thanks both for checking in, I’ve had the baby and am really enjoying him being here. The negative feelings have all but past. I do have some concerns re when DH returns to work but I guess that’s natural.