Getting pregnant with severe emetophobia

[Sasha222]

Hi everyone,

I posted on here last year regarding how to cope with getting pregnant whilst being a long sufferer (25 years) of emetophobia.

I'm yet to even attempt to conceive still and the emotional turmoil of the emetophobia surrounding pregnancy is becoming more distressing by the day. I am so desperate for a baby but I am so terrified of vomiting that I just can't see a way past this. I'm beginning to think I have to re assess my situation and just give up the thought that I can ever get pregnant.

I am currently in therapy (cbt and exposure) and whilst I understand the mechanisms and how this therapy should work - I am still worrying that I'm not making much progress. I'm terrified to completely push myself and succumb to the exposure tasks which I know is hindering my recovery but I am just finding it extremely tough.

Can anybody please help or offer me any advice? I really am getting to a stage where I feel like I can't do this but I am clinging on to any remainder of hope!

Thank you

I wasn't sick in either pregnancy and barely had nausea. However @Vallmo47 makes some good points. The risk is more throughout your children's life with sickness bugs etc so definitely doesn't end at pregnancy. Not sure if I am fully emetophobic but my fear of vomiting has definitely gotten worse since having a child. Overhearing that someone at nursery has been sick, or DC saying they have a tummy ache. It feels like a ticking timebomb.

I was almost hoping to get morning sickness in my second pregnancy as I thought the exposure would help. Big part of my problem is that I have only rarely vomited in my life so I'm really scared of it. So it could be that in the end pregnancy helps by forcing you to confront your fears but I'd definitely try to explore all treatments before you embark on the journey so you are well equipped either way .

I also have this phobia, not severe I may add but it’s always been a worry for me when becoming pregnant.
I’m now 15+2 and every week in my first trimester I was waiting for the sickness / nausea, brought loads of sickness remedies because I was so afraid of being sick. And I didn’t have an ounce of nausea and was never sick. I was so lucky.
But I do think lots of people aren’t sick, you just always hear the bad stories of how bad some people are, no one ever shares the positive stories.
Good luck!

Another emetophobe here. I have had 4 pregnancies and births. I only felt slightly nauseous for a few days with my 4th pregnancy, which was, for a time anyway, a twin pregnancy. No suggestion of nausea at all during labour and birthing. I don't know how common that is, but I do know that emetophobes are often this way because we are not sick often, so maybe that includes in pregnancy and labour too.

Whilst I am as much a sufferer of this phobia as you, I can see the sense in what @Aquamarine1029 writes. You have to ask yourself, what is the ultimate fear here? Is it something you can try to rationalise? I couldn't face exposure therapy, but even I can see that exposure, by which I mean, an experience of vomiting, might be the way out of this fear. Which is more important to you? The fear of vomiting or the chance of being forever childless? You can face this!

Another emetaphobe here 🙋🏻‍♀️ Currently 36 weeks pregnant. I felt very nauseous during first trimester, then had one vomiting day per week from 12 - 17 weeks. It’s really hard to explain, I dealt with it much better than I do when I’m sick through illness, so I think having an expectation of being sick in pregnancy helped if that makes sense? I usually panic so much I can’t breathe after I’ve been sick but I just got a bit upset afterwards during pregnancy.

Could you speak with your GPs to get some preemptive antiemetics? I’m sure they would understand considering you are going through therapy.

I really hope you can get through this, and believe that you will. You are better than this phobia

Thank you all so much for replying - it's amazing but heartbreaking how many of us 'emetophobes' there are out there!

In terms of what do I think will happen when I vomit - @Aquamarine1029 - I am aware that I would 'just' vomit but in my head that is bad enough. I do imagine a never ending cycle of vomiting uncontrollably and just heaving forever. Rationally I know it's not going to happen but I just cannot get rid of the irrational 'what if' voice. As a child I only vomited a very small amount of times so I wouldn't even know how to be sick as odd as it sounds.

My anxiety on a day to day level is extremely high as it is due to the constant 'what if' thoughts that loop around in my head. However this anxiety is 90% due to the emetophobia, 10% down to low self confidence and self esteem. I am understandably also worried about the stress and anxiety of the pregnancy making the anxiety unbearable as obviously once I'm pregnant - I'm 'trapped' and can't run away from it. I work part time in retail and I am very concerned about going in to work with nausea. At home I can cope with nausea but at work, with anxiety as it is and the potential of added nausea and vomiting I am terrified. I would definitely be prepared with anti emetics but I already know my therapist is not supportive of providing me with these as it is 'feeding' the phobia which I agree with but I can't see how I can do it without that comfort blanket.

I am also very aware of the inevitable stomach bugs and sickness that children get - I discussed this in my previous post a year ago when I was hoping to conceive. I hope that if I can actually get pregnant and go through that, it will have given me the confidence and skills to get through the rest of parenting with a sick child. I am hoping with every ounce of me that I can get past this phobia and live a normal life that is no longer controlled by something so irrational but I'm under no illusion that this will be easy.

My maternal instincts are definitely stronger than ever, in the past I completely ruled out pregnancy due to the emetophobia but I am very quickly realising that this instinct will not be silenced and I have got to work out a way of facing this. I hurt every day that passes at the knowledge that I am my own obstacle and that every day I give in to the emetophobia.

I'm so grateful to everyone for responding to me, it means so much to me you wouldn't believe. It is obviously a huge relief hearing of so many people who haven't suffered from sickness during pregnancy whilst I'm still being realistic that it could or could not happen to me. I'm also aware how strange this phobia sounds to people who don't suffer from it!

Four pregnancies and I wasn’t sick once.
I think you need to push though your therapy.
If you get to the stage where you are too old to have children because of your condition how will you feel?
This is so very hard OP but you’ll be ok and it will be so worth it.

Some people aren’t sick.

Last time I went through the whole pregnancy and was only sick once when actually in labour and that was DPs fault - he put toast and jam right in front of my face mid contraction and it tipped me over the edge.

2nd time round - also no sick so far but a little nausea between 7 and 8 weeks

I’ve suffered with hyperemesis throughout my pregnancy (but don’t worry! This isn’t a scare story!). Most of the women I’ve spoken to have said that, whilst they suffered with nausea during the first trimester/first half of their pregnancy, relatively few of them were actually sick. I wasn’t quite emetophobic but I was very, very concerned about vomiting in pregnancy for years before. As a pp said, the hyperemesis has actually helped me get over it.

I really don’t mean this as a scare story and I hope it helps. You’re probably more likely not to vomit very much than vomit a lot.

And I’ve also heard about emetophobics vomiting less! Well done for the cbt - you’re doing everything you can :)

Pregnancy and parenting is probably the best exposure therapy you will get.

My emetophobia is based on a traumatic event so is actually ptsd. I have had many therapies and it's still very bad.

I wasn't sick in pregnancy but I was incapacitated by the nausea and it went on until 6 months.

I requested a c section to avoid vomiting in labour - it was granted as when I feel sick my blood pressure drops and I throw up while unconscious. So that bit was ok.

Babyhood was ok because baby sick is usually just milk/not contagious

But when it comes to sick bugs - even if someone looks pale or says they feel sick I have to leave the house and go and stay in a hotel.

The phobia is no joke and affects all our lives. I got pregnant accidentally otherwise I would not have had children with this phobia

@niceupthedanceagain

Completely get where you are coming from staying in a hotel as that is the exact thing I've said I would do should that happen which I know unfortunately would feed the emetophobia.

I do feel I can cope with others being sick eg baby sick, drinking and food poisoning. But if it comes down to being sick through a bug that is where the problems are.

@Goawaymuppet

Exactly my fear - I know I would regret not having a child and letting my phobia win. I have been quite harsh on myself and put a time limit to be pregnant by the end of the year - I then end up extending the limit to suit my phobia.

I only intend on having one child, I just hope I can rationalise this phobia to allow me to at least try. I am very concerned that I would pass my phobia on to my child too - obviously this is the last thing I would ever want to put on anyone but my partner is worried that I'm not going to cope and it's going to cause more problems.

I have bad emetophobia and am currently ttc my second child.
I had cyclizine during my pregnancy and was never actually sick, although the nausea was horrible.
The closest I came to throwing up was in labour, I was gagging and retching but they gave me another anti sickness drug (stemetil possibly) and it totally stopped it.

It is awful, I really didn’t deal with it very well at all. I ended up signed off work for two months in the first trimester as I pretty much had a breakdown because I couldn’t handle the nausea. Given the therapy you’re having you are probably in a much better place to deal with it than I was!

As a child I only vomited a very small amount of times so I wouldn't even know how to be sick as odd as it sounds.

I feel like this! I have no actual memory of ever throwing up (I know I did a bit as a small child, from car sickness or bugs but I don’t remember it). I think that’s what makes my fear so bad, I have no idea what to do. I mean, I assume it’s fairly automatic but still.

Like others have said sickness + pregnancy don't always go hand in hand. Three babies, wasn't sick during pregnancy or labour, not once. I felt it, or maybe it was more I just felt off and couldn't face food, but was never sick.

@Wanttocry

This is exactly what I feel would happen with me. I'm extremely worried about going in to work throughout the first trimester but I'm worried if I were to get signed off that I would lose my job. I think if I was unemployed I would be much more likely to ttc as I feel so much more in control at home of nausea. I have extremely high anxiety at work a lot of the time without the added fear of morning sickness. Is it possible to get the doctor to sign me off or is this really difficult?

Therapy so far hasn't actually given me any coping mechanisms or skills to deal with the anxiety. I'm being recommended medication to cope with the anxiety which I am avoiding due to not wanting to take them whilst pregnant. The therapy is so far focusing entirely on exposure tasks but isn't giving me any day to day skills.

Very happy for you that you are ttc your second child, I hope that all goes well for you! X

@Wanttocry

Sorry missed the second part off!
I know as a child I think I got two sick bugs and both times I handled them so well which is what frustrates me so much as I wasn't scared at the time at all! I know a lot of emetophobics have had bad sickness experiences which contributes to the fear but in my case when I have personally been sick I have had no real problem.

@Sasha222 I found the nausea was worse when I was tired/busy, and for me worse between 6-9 weeks. So I just saved some holiday up and took odd days off here and there so I wasn't tired.

For sickness bugs, I am neurotic about those. When not pregnant I take high dose probiotic courses like Elixa twice a year, drink homemade water kefir (prevents stomach bugs and food poisoning and tastes quite nice) and break out the apple cider vinegar the moment someone mentions a stomach bug or feeling sick. Don't want to jinx it, but so far people in my house get the bugs or people I work with closely, or children and I avoid it

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7

Yep, another thing I've considered doing is using all of my holiday within those weeks if possible! I work afternoon-early evening so I'm hoping that takes pressure off 'morning' sickness although I know it can happen whenever.

That's very interesting with the remedies you take... I will look into those more. I've heard about charcoal tablets and grape juice to prevent sicknesses but then heard contradictory advice.

Do children really get sickness bugs as often as I imagine they do? I know this is a bit of a silly question as every case is different. As I said, I have had a bug around twice in my life, but in my head I imagine children go down with sick bugs every few months!

@Sasha222 for me it was very easy (surprisingly easy actually) to be signed off, but obviously it really wasn’t an idea situation. I also (and again, I don’t recommend it) was so terrified they wouldn’t prescribe cyclizine or sign me off if I wasn’t actually being sick, so I told them I was. I was genuinely too ill to go into work, but just not in the way they thought - it was mental illness rather than physical.
I now almost exclusively wfh for a much more flexible company so I’m hoping I’ll be able to keep working when/if I get pregnant again. Wfh wasn’t an option when I was pregnant before, although I did offer.

@Wanttocry

We seriously sound so similar!
I have thought the exact same as to pretend to be being sick to be prescribed the medication incase. I just can't risk being trapped with no medication! Ideally I would go to work and deal with it like everyone else without this phobia but I honestly don't see how it's possible. I work in retail so working from home is also not possible. My workplace do seem very lenient but I could never ever confess that it is more mental than physical illness as I know they aren't very understanding about that from previous experiences with other colleagues.

I purposely only work part time with the intention of getting pregnant so that I don't have to go through the phobia as well as working all the time.

I struggled with emetophobia for years and years. Really severely. It’s mostly under control now but still rears its ugly head when I’m feeling stressed or a bit low.

I didn’t really start to make any progress with getting rid of my emetophobia until I started working with a trauma-informed therapist. My phobia was deeply rooted in some childhood stuff which needed to be addressed first. Therapies like CBT only treat the symptoms, not the cause.

Also, if it’s any help, I’ve been pregnant twice and didn’t have any sickness either time. Morning sickness isn’t a guarantee with pregnancy. A lot of women don’t have it. Loads of my friends weren’t sick either.

@SeeYouInFive

This is very interesting to read... I have suffered from trauma throughout childhood and I am still dealing with the effects of that at the moment as I only just got out of the traumatic situation a year ago. My therapist is really good and I genuinely feel like he will help but he isn't interested in tackling previous experiences which has always been a red flag for me. The previous trauma I experienced, in my opinion, is the key to my phobia in which he has agreed. My therapists thoughts are that if I tackle the symptoms then the previous experiences won't have any effect any longer.

How do I find a trauma informed therapist?

Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

@Sasha222 I also have a pact with my partner that I'll happily do messy gross poos and colds, if he takes ALL the vomiting or stomach bug stuff. I don't know how sick children get typically, seems to depend on the child, but with stuff to boost good bacteria and immunity hopefully it'll be less

[quote Sasha222]@SeeYouInFive

This is very interesting to read... I have suffered from trauma throughout childhood and I am still dealing with the effects of that at the moment as I only just got out of the traumatic situation a year ago. My therapist is really good and I genuinely feel like he will help but he isn't interested in tackling previous experiences which has always been a red flag for me. The previous trauma I experienced, in my opinion, is the key to my phobia in which he has agreed. My therapists thoughts are that if I tackle the symptoms then the previous experiences won't have any effect any longer.

How do I find a trauma informed therapist?

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. [/quote]
You’re very welcome. I know how awful this phobia is.

The best thing to do is go to the BACP website and find accredited therapists in your area. You’ll be able to see in their profiles what sort of areas they specialise in. Worth having an initial phone consultation with them as well, to make sure you’re on the same page.

I think CBT is far too readily used as the go to therapy for everything, when really it’s only useful for very surface level behavioural change. It’s more like coaching really. If any of the behaviours are rooted in past trauma, CBT is never going to be effective. It’s just rearranging deckchairs on the titanic.

Good luck! It can be beaten.

I never felt sick when pregnant: not once. You may be lucky

You have to decide which is the greater fear. Living your life with no kids or potentially being sick