Smoking in pregnancy - how bad is it really???

[Wolverina]

I am 16 wks pg with #2 and have a sister who is 9 wks pg with #1. She is 37, has been ttc for over 5 years and is overjoyed about being pg. The only thing is she has not stopped smoking. She has been a heavy (>20 a day) smoker for over 20 years and has given up before but always started again. This time she says she has cut down but I don't know to how many.

My immediate reaction was a cross between anger and sadness. I just don't understand how you could get something you'd longed for so much and then carry on doing something that has been proved to harm it. I feel sad because i was so happy to have this thing to share with her, and now it feels different.

However, now I keep doubting my reaction and wondering if I am being overly precious. After all, women of my mum's generation seemed to smoke during pg as a matter of course without any problems (according to her anyway), and so many people still do it. I really don't want to be angry with my sister, she is a really lovely person and we are very close.

I was wondering about other peoples thoughts on this subject, as now I am v confused and not sure what to think.

Tis bad for baby.

As an ex-smoker, who smoked while pg, I can honestly say that it is not good.

But, if she is not ready to give up, then she won't be able to.

If she wants to give up but is finding it difficult, there is mountains of help out there, but nobody can help her give up unless she wants to.

I wanted someone to tell me that if I smoked when pg then my baby would probably be born with three heads or something equally shocking, but what I was told was to give up if I could, cut down if I could and not to stress about it because the stress and guilt of not giving up was worse than the smoking itself.

(incidentally, if anyone wants to refute this, I'm just saying what I was told by docs and midwives)

i was a light smoker bt knowing i was pg was enff to put me off smoking

I think Squonk is probably alrgely right except, the problem with PG is that its unpredictable. if you ook at the stats and think smaller baby risk- you dontnecessarilya d din what else can happen, so a baby like my ds1 who was born tiny (5lb 5oz at term) for toehr reasons (placental failure through eclmapsia) would be at an additional risk, and not one you can easily quantify at 9 weeks.

there is support out there- quite a lot of it these days 9comparing the amount of bumph I have been given with this pg to the one with ds1 8 years ago), but you do need to want to get help- otherwise as Squonk says, its pointless.

be supportive over the cutting down, praise that loads- the rest may come. If not there's sadly nothing else you can do.

peachy's completely right about praise.

When I was giving up, it was tough, but I responded so much better to "how long since you've had one? well done, that's fantastic!" than "I thought you were giving up"

Thanks for your responses so far. I can see what you mean about praise and not nagging - would that mean also that I shouldn't start coming out with scare stories about what harm it could do? That's what I was thinking of, as she is not very clued up on pg as a whole and likes getting advice, but I don't know if that would make her stop listening to me if she felt I was having a go.

Hi

I gave up with both of my pregnancies, (pregnant now determined now never to go back or fall into the trap of thinking I could just have one again). The thought that keeps me going, esp with normal cigarettes is the carbon monoxide in them....can't bear to think of little person gasping for oxygen inside me!! It's a bit extreme I realise but it works for me if ever I am tempted to give in.

And...as Allen Carr says, if you're having a shit day, having a fag won't change that, the day will still be crap!! (his book is great I think, though not everyone does - you could suggest it to her?)

I think with these things generally, there's so many examples of various things, you have to try and strike a balance. But really, with smoking and drinking - it's only 9 months of your whole life to give a little person the best start, if you really want to after that you can go back to 60 a day with a bottle of vodka!!

Good luck!!

ecent research showed 9 out of 10 babies who died of cot death had parents who smoked. Sorry to be blunt, but yes, smoking for the baby is very bad.

also huge amount of radiation going to fetus - polonium 210 for example.

imo - you should ask her if she has considered giving up, and mention tactfully that it may be better for the baby if she does. If she says "oh no, I'll never give up" then you should leave it.

There were lots of reasons why I gave up, but tbh the horror stories about what cigarettes can do to you just made me want another one.

Even now, if I see an anti-smoking advert on telly, I want one (but that's just me ) Just give her as much support as you can if she wants it.

If she doesn't want it, there's nothing you can do so you may as well not try. And, if she doesn't want giving up smoking support give her support for her pg (and try not to say "if you gave up....)

Also (I'll shut up after I promise), my mother smoked with all three of us, just like her whole generation, so although I've always been told it can make the babies small and early I was really shocked this year when my sister in law who struggled to give up, but managed to by 5 months, had her baby 5 weeks early and he was really really small!! Obviously no-one has said it was directly down to smoking, but I was quite shocked to see it before my eyes. I think I'd probably always convinced myself it wasn't that common, or real...or something!
x

It's not true that the stress of not smoking is worse than the effects of smoking - you would need VERY high and prolonged levels of stress to affect a baby, yet even a few cigarettes a day can have a detrimental effect.

You could show her this or this

Smoking is an addiction yet we (being society) tend not to be very sympathetic towards smokers trying to quit. They deserve a lot of support and help if they are genuinely trying to stop, but they need to stop, not cut down, when pregnant.

i used to smoke btw.

Before pregnancy and children though. Dh's uncle has lung cancer, and though he has been a 40 a day smoker for decades, the family think it is not the smoking but the stress of a recent bereavement that caused it.

Just a thought, but if she's eager for PG advice you could perhaps buy her a generic pregnancy book- deliberately selecting one that has loads of ctop smoking info in it- and then pass that to her as a random PG gift?

Yes I used to smoke too (only socially) and stopped as soon as i knew I was pg.

When she first told me she hadn't stopped I sent her a quite emotional email saying how sad I was because she was so happy about the baby and I just couldn't understand how she could carry on smoking, but if she didn't stop I wouldn't nag her about it again. She replied she was so embarrassed for her weakness, she was sorry to let me and the baby down and she would carry on trying. So on one hand i don't want to go back on that and carry on going on about it, I just foolishly thought my wise words would do the trick.

Anyhoo, thanks for your advice ladies, any more would be most welcome of course. How about showing her this thread, would that be a really bad idea?

you could try, if you think she wouldn't be cross!

I knew two women that smoked in pregnancy and both had still borns. It was awful.

They used to stand in a room at work with their bumps at break time fagging away.

If there's something that you can control (ie not smoke whilst pregnant) then there's no point in doing it.

If anything bad happens she'll only regret it and beat herself up about it.

Buy her the baby magazines , other and baby, etc, they always have articles about smoking in them. It is very bad for the baby, and to be honest, there is nothing that makes my blood boil more than people smokng around children, and smoking in pregnancy. The smoke stops the placenta doind its job properly. My partners ex smoked when she was pregnant with all three of her children, and still continues to do so, even though they are still toddlers. The oldest has croup constantly, the second baby died, and the third baby was born at 5lb and with cateracts. She is nearly two and has weak muscles which mean she wont walk for a long time, but i doubt that was the smoking. Cot death has dropped MASSIVELY since people stoped smoking so much when pregnant.
Maybe you could wait until this post has dissapeared down a few pages, and suggest this website to her?

I think a lot of the time it's the pick of the draw. Some babies are healthy, some aren't. There are perfectly healthy women all over the world who have problems during pregnancy despite them following all the right guidelines. Then there are those that do every wrong thing in the book and end up with a perfectly healthy baby. Of course there are always things you can do to try and ensure a healthy pregnancy and baby, but a lot of the time I feel it's just what your dealt, as awful as it is for some.

I don't condone smoking whilst pregnant, but I'm an ex smoker and smoked whilst pregnant so I really can't judge. I smoked on and off whilst pg with my dd till about 25 weeks, then gave up. Some weeks I didn't smoke at all, others I had a couple a day. I made sure to cut right down. I did a lot of things whilst pregnant that the books tell you not to, smoking, I had the occassional drink, ate some foods that were on the 'not to eat' list etc. I now have a very happy, content, smiling, 6 month old baby girl at my feet. She was born a day before her due date weighing 7lb 6.5oz. She has no problems, no allergies, and is excellent health. I'm very lucky.

Smoking whilst pregnant is, without a doubt, not good for the baby. Everybody knows this. But 'needing' to smoke is a state of mind that can be extremely hard for some people to snap out of. I personally didn't like it when people moaned at me because of it, it was my issue to deal with on my own. I would sort it without being 'told of.' And I did, eventually. It sounds to me like your sister is already beating herself up about it in her own way, so I personally wouldn't rub salt into the wound. Like somebody else suggested, she needs support and praise. These are the two things that will reassure her and make her feel good, and give her the drive to stop. If that's what she wants.

Offer to help support her through this, without judging her or being hard on her. Buy her some magazines, there are some fantastic stop smoking books around. Get her one and offer suggestions, but in a helpfull and positive manner. Also, not everybody is into this but I have a hypnosis cd for people who want to quit. You are more than welcome to it for her, I'd be more than happy to mail it to you if you'd like it. It's very calming and relaxing, and you feel good after it. Even if she found it didn't work, at least she's chilling out a bit.

Hope this helps

yes I agree with MtCM - think it is the luck of the draw to a great degree. My mum smoked 30 a day when pg with me and my brother, also drank a lot, also smoked through our childhoods. She is now 68 and really healthy and we are both healthy too (7lb6 and 6lb7 when born). However, her sister who has always been really healthy, never smoked, does loads of exercise, meditation etc lost all but one of her pregnancies and her son has a lot of problems developmentally.

it's not fair and I don't for a second condone smoking when pg but I think a lot of the time it is not so much what we do when we're pg but the hand we're dealt that determines the outcome

bad. really really bad.

Smoking during pregnancy doesn't necessarily mean that anything will be wrong with the baby, just like if you smoke, it doesn't always follow that you'll get a smoking related illness.

Over half of ALL smokers who continue to smoke for most of their life will die from a smoking related illness.

It's not just the smoking in pregnancy that's the problem. Someone I know died last year from lung cancer. He was only 42 and had two children (9 and 11).

I'm really sorry if this comes across as really harsh, I'm an ex-smoker myself, so I know how hard it is to give up...

btw - if you want articles on smoking-related illnesses, google "Doll, Peto. Smoking in pregnancy". They did a lot of research into the effects of smoking generally, and during pregnancy.

also - www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/antenatalhealth/quittingsmoking/safetosmokeexpert/

p.s. hope I'm not coming across as too judgemental, if I am then I'm sorry. It's just something I feel strongly about...