22 first pregnancy and no idea what to do for the best!

[Emgd99]

This is my first post here!

My period was late and I started to feel changes specifically boobs hurting/growing and extreme fatigue. So last night I thought I’d better take a test.. two positive tests later. My OH was with me and I burst into tears not sure how to react, we spoke about it and initially both said no we aren’t ready we can’t do this. He’s gone to work today and now I’ve had time to think about it I don’t think I could go through terminating the pregnancy. How do I put this to him as I know he’s completely adamant we aren’t ready for a baby.

I’m 22 and live on my own in my own flat and he’s 23 living at home with his parents just for ref.

Your body your choice! You need express how you feel as a termination can be incredibly damaging if it’s not what you really want. I had one 7 years ago and not one day goes by that I don’t regret it. I know that’s not the case for everyone but if you feel even remotely like it’s the wrong decision then simply don’t do it.
Your partner has chosen to have sex with you so that means he has chosen to accept the possible consequences even if you use protection it isn’t 100% so he can’t just expect that you’ll put yourself through a huge emotional and physical turmoil just so he can carry on having sex without consequence. If there is care and respect there, he will get it and support you and come around in time.

It’s a tough decision and you’ll be ok xx

A woman’s right to choose means just that. It should be your active choice, not what he imposes because he doesn’t feel ready. (I never felt ready, but love having my child and find parenting fulfilling.) It’s okay to tell him that, now the shock has worn off, you’re rethinking your knee jerk reaction. That’s totally natural and what lots of women experience after an unexpected pregnancy.

Have you got someone else you can tell who will focus more on supporting you than imposing their own opinion?

You’ve both just found out so you’re both in shock. You need to sit down together and discuss it. If he remains adamant he doesn’t want the baby then you’ll be going it alone as a single parent so you need to consider if you’re able to do this practically. Take cute baby off the agenda, they grow up. They’re hard work and exhausting (as well as great). Have you got any support other than your bf? What about maternity pay? BPAS are a good source of information and somewhere to phone for advice. Lots of people don’t regret terminations.

I had a termination years ago when I was in my 20s, at the time I really didn’t want to go through with it but now I realise actually it was the right decision and meant I wasn’t tied to a loser bf (not saying you have a loser bf!). You’ve got time to think about what to do, don’t rush into any decisions. If you want to keep the baby then do so, but don’t do it thinking he might change his mind or hoping he’ll come round. He might, but be prepared to do it alone.

Your partner has chosen to have sex with you so that means he has chosen to accept the possible consequences even if you use protection it isn’t 100% so he can’t just expect that you’ll put yourself through a huge emotional and physical turmoil just so he can carry on having sex without consequence.

Very good way of putting it.

Thank you guys, I feel like I’ve had time to think it over a lot today. He said that he would never leave me in a bad position and I grew up seeing my mums marriage breakdown and become a single parent and it’s not something I really want for myself at all. But I also feel a great disliking to termination, I feel like I’ve begun to come to terms that my body is changing and catering for a wonderful little life.. I’m going to have another chat with him this evening and see how that goes..
thank you so much for all of your support it means a lot!!

Hope the chat went well. And congratulations!

Unfortunately he’s still adamant that he doesn’t want to go through with the pregnancy.
I’m still extremely confused. I want it to be the happiest moment for us both but just feel I can’t be happy because he’s not.. he feels like I’m ignoring the fact I’m pregnant because I never got round to making a doctors appointment after working till late and I told him I feel I can’t believe I am or be happy because I get put down about it…

I hope that good comes of all of this:(