Single parenting a newborn

[TreeRoad]

Hi!

Was just looking for some insight about looking after a baby on your own when it’s very young, as well as older kids.

For background, I’m married and expecting my first baby in December. My wife has two older kids (pre-teens) who live with us full time.

She’s been given a fantastic opportunity to work away for 12 weeks in a different country. This would commence early next year so I’d be at home with the two older kids, a 2 month old and our dog. I’ll be on maternity leave, can drive and have a car etc.

I’m very supportive of this opportunity and feel she should do it, if it makes her happy. The timing, admittedly, is bad but this is a once in a lifetime thing for her.

So, the question is, has anyone been in a similar position of looking after 2 youngsters and a baby alone?

Am I kidding myself that I’ll cope?

We both have several reservations about the practical side of things - getting the kids to their schools, walking the dog, keeping up with the day to day running of a house alone.

Certain issues such as “what if they baby is sick at 2am and has to go to hospital?” are my biggest worries as we don’t have anyone to step in with the other two kids.
It’d literally be me, doing it solo, until she comes back.

I have several friends in the armed forces that have done this. It’s straightforward as long as you have the support in place for emergencies which you don’t. But surely you must have some friends or family somewhere? Nice neighbours? Parents of the older children’s friends? Whomis having them for the birth?

The other consideration is what if your birth is late and complicated eg NICU stay required. Would your wife be able to back out if it truly was urgent?
Ultimately if your baby or another child is sick at 2am you all go and social services would arrange emergency placements for something serious.

@Megan2018 Thanks for the reply - good insight. I didn’t think about armed forces, of course they’d experience this. My family live quite a distance so there’s certainly not that “on hand” support.

The kids will be with my wife’s Dad for the birth. He’s elderly and has various health issues so we’ll be looking to minimise the time they’re with him. As things stand, he doesn’t have them for overnights or anything, due to his age and health.

The possibility of NICU stays etc is also on my mind. She would absolutely back out if that was something we were faced with.

There are so many variables, unfortunately. It’s hard to plan with all of these. We’ll be discussing it this weekend and hopefully come up with some plans.

Routine and organisation are going to be your best friend.
Everything prepped for school night before.
Babies things prepped for morning time whilst the older two get ready.
Plan breakfasts, lunches and dinners. Certain meals you can cook whilst baby sleeps and case of heating up when older two home.

Is school walking distance? This can tie in with dogs morning walk.
Otherwise baby in pram and go for a wonder!

Housework, can you afford a cleaner? Doesn't always have to be weekly, bi weekly can work.

Are your wife's family around?

@Cheerio21 Thanks! Good list. I agree about the organisation and staying ahead of things.

I was thinking of getting a dog walker for the afternoon walk, and I’d do the morning one. Maybe a cleaner would be a good idea too. We could do this financially. Thanks for the suggestion.

She has a very small family, just her Dad who I’ve mentioned above has health issues and is elderly. I couldn’t rely on him or leave the baby with him for any period of time.

Dog Walker sounds brilliant.

Get your food delivered!

It would be good I think to get into the routine whilst your wife is there so you can just take over once she leaves for work.

The only thing I'm unsure on is if there's an emergency. Do you have close friends around?

My friends all work full-time and I don’t think I could reasonably call on them in the early hours, should something happen.

This is my biggest worry too, and will definitely be a big part of our talk over the weekend. It’s hard to think of a solution to this part. Even though the chances of an emergency are low, I need to know what to do if one does arise.

I know you feel hesitant about calling friends in an emergency, but I'd bet most people would be willing to step in and put themselves out to help for a genuine emergency, even if they had work the next day. I know that we would, if a friend rang up in the early hours with an emergency. It's a pretty unlikely scenario after all, it would be a shame for her to miss this opportunity because of it.

I did a newborn and toddler with dad away with Army.

My thoughts... have a good back up plan for the older children in case of emergencies for them (can you consent for medical treatment for them for example?)

The routine we fell into with baby was built around the toddlers daily life. One example...I had to get toddler to preschool at 9am. That was babies first nap (in the pram).

I presume the older two will be at school, which will help.

Slings are great for getting time sensitive things done with baby in tow.

As for taking a child to hospital in the middle of the night... you just all go. Its normal for a lone parent to turn up with several children.

Hi, I'm in a Military family With a 1yr old and a 2yr old and have often had to do long stints solo.
It seems scary when you plan the first time but I don't find it too bad. Online groceries, milk man and Amazon prime get me through.
In event of emergency I would have to go to my neighbour or a colleague, I've discussed it with them beforehand so I know they'd help but that worry doesn't go away.
Get your pre teens to help you out, could they walk the dog? If not invest in a decent sling. My baby lived in his when I was chasing the toddler around.

Thanks everyone. Some really good points/suggestions there.

It also helps to know that other people have survived this kind of thing. 😂

When I speak to my wife I’ll make sure she has a plan in place for any eventuality so that I can relax. I don’t want to be stressing as it’ll make the 12 weeks even longer, no doubt!

I’ll definitely be investing in a baby sling. They seem great for getting on with things while keeping the baby close.

@mumofmunchkin

I know you feel hesitant about calling friends in an emergency, but I'd bet most people would be willing to step in and put themselves out to help for a genuine emergency, even if they had work the next day. I know that we would, if a friend rang up in the early hours with an emergency. It's a pretty unlikely scenario after all, it would be a shame for her to miss this opportunity because of it.

Yes, was thinking the same thing.