Funeral at 33 weeks pregnant.

Tinydancer321 · 2021-07-14T17:08:14+00:00

It’s my mother in laws funeral sadly in a few weeks. I’m extremely anxious about Covid and the plan was to hide in the holidays while I wait a second jab. (I also have quite bad asthma). I’m wondering whether to ask hubby if we can wear masks? But don’t want to look disrespectful too. I’m not asking others too but would can I ask him? Would people see it as rude? I don’t know . Sure I’m over thinking this. Think if there is a wake I will prob go home and leave him there as I’m pretty anxious. Please I know 70% on here will think I’m being silly and I shouldn’t feel worried about catching it. However I will feel safe once double vac.

choccrumpet · 14/07/2021 18:16

I don't think you're being silly at all, I'd probably want to do the same. I'm going to continue wearing a mask when out after the 19th July and hope my partner will do the same. Family events might be a bit awkward in that way but you're only protecting yourself and your baby, if they react a certain way it's on them, not on you.

mamakoukla · 14/07/2021 18:16

I’m sorry for your loss 💐

Personally, wearing a mask is a person’s choice. I wouldn’t see it as rude but as prudent. Make sure the mask is suited to the job if it’s to protect you

Original poster

Tinydancer321 · 14/07/2021 18:22

Thank you it’s very difficult as the relationship was a bit up and down. (She didn’t like me taking her boy away). I suppose I’m feeling because of that too, and now feel awquared but I won’t be going any where without a facemask xx

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Zarene · 14/07/2021 18:23

I'm sorry for the loss.

I actually don't think anyone will think you're silly, just sensible.

I don't think a mask will look rude at all.

Viviennemary · 14/07/2021 18:27

Just wear one if you feel safer. Nobody will judge in your circumstances.

Chelyanne · 14/07/2021 18:31

Wear what you want. Doesn't really matter if people think you look daft, they'll be more focused on their own grief to care much.
I would show your face at the wake if only for a short time though, she was your mil.

Condolences to all the family

Sheisfee · 14/07/2021 18:41

Wear a mask and don’t feel bad about asking your partner to wear one. Who cares what other people think? People seem to find it impossible to understand the difficulties pregnant women face at the moment.

I would be wearing a mask and social distancing so I don’t think you’re silly at all x

Original poster

Tinydancer321 · 14/07/2021 18:49

Thank you everyone. I will talk to hubby about it. X

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Wibblewobble99 · 14/07/2021 19:03

Can you bring your second dose forward? Mine was due at the end of August but I’ve just managed to bring it forward to the beginning? Not really a solution but may help your anxiety if you’re fully vaccinated. I also don’t think there’s anything disrespectful about wearing a mask x

DeRigueurMortis · 14/07/2021 19:06

It's not disrespectful for you to wear a mask.

Its perfectly reasonable (pregnant or not) and I'll be continuing to wear mine in crowded spaces even when it's no longer mandatory.

As for the wake, ideally you should attend (even briefly) as a sign of respect but if you feel you can't then don't.

Your well being and that of the baby is paramount here.

I think most people would understand why a heavily pregnant woman would be uncomfortable in such circumstances.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2021 19:10

You are not being silly at all. Heavily pregnant women are very vulnerable to covid. My SIL got covid at 34 weeks and very nearly died. She had an emergency cs and was on a ventilator for over a month, with countless extremely serious complications she is still dealing with. With covid numbers rising, I would at very minimum wear a mask, and my first choice would be to not attend at all. After what my SIL and family went through, I implore every pregnant woman to take this very, very seriously.

DeRigueurMortis · 14/07/2021 19:11

@Aquamarine1029

You are not being silly at all. Heavily pregnant women are very vulnerable to covid. My SIL got covid at 34 weeks and very nearly died. She had an emergency cs and was on a ventilator for over a month, with countless extremely serious complications she is still dealing with. With covid numbers rising, I would at very minimum wear a mask, and my first choice would be to not attend at all. After what my SIL and family went through, I implore every pregnant woman to take this very, very seriously.

So sorry to hear that

Comedycook · 14/07/2021 19:12

Wearing a mask would be fine...I wouldn't think anything of it if I saw someone wearing one at a funeral

saraclara · 14/07/2021 19:20

No problem at all wearing a mask. I'd definitely make an appearance at the wake. She was your MIL, and your DH would probably rather not have to explain to everyone why you didn't arrive. But I think it's fine for you to leave once all the attendees have been greeted. There are plenty of pregnancy-related reasons you/he could use to explain why you have to leave.

Original poster

Tinydancer321 · 14/07/2021 20:50

@Aquamarine1029 oh no I’m so sorry what happened to your sil is she ok now? That’s terrible xx

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Original poster

Tinydancer321 · 14/07/2021 20:52

Thanks. Will try abs go to the wake then, we don’t know all the details yet. It’s hard as my aunty has said she will have the kids, but I actually have three with asd, they are not use to her or to ever being left. I’m sure she will be fine, she had 4 kids and works with kids, but my eldest has a lot of meltdowns 🤦🏼‍♀️. I never leave them so another added anxiety.

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AvantGardening · 14/07/2021 23:36

Wear a mask to the funeral. If anyone asks say the midwife is advising it to keep the maternity wing as safe as possible.

Attend the wake for long enough to greet people as they arrive and then leave. If asked your husband can explain the kids needed you.

DeRigueurMortis · 15/07/2021 01:53

@Tinydancer321

Thanks. Will try abs go to the wake then, we don’t know all the details yet. It’s hard as my aunty has said she will have the kids, but I actually have three with asd, they are not use to her or to ever being left. I’m sure she will be fine, she had 4 kids and works with kids, but my eldest has a lot of meltdowns 🤦🏼‍♀️. I never leave them so another added anxiety.

Just attend the wake as briefly as possible.

20 mins max. Ideally 5/10 mins.

Just enough to show you've been there and to greet the most important people.

You don't have to acknowledge everyone - just close family to MIL (her siblings essentially and your DH's siblings - that's it).

Don't stand in line speaking to all and sundry. In and out as quickly as possible.

Make sure you have your own transport if DH needs/wants to stay.

If people try to shake your hand or get too close say sorry but you can't as you've been advised to limit physical contact because of your pregnancy by your midwife and you know your MIL (true or not) would have prioritised the wellness of her soon to be born grandchild over "protocol" (again true or not).

No one will contradict you because it would force them to "speak ill of the departed".

At all times stand slightly behind your DH so he can "shield" you (tell him the plan) from anyone trying to physically contact you and he can say the same as above re: midwife advice.

sarah13xx · 15/07/2021 05:36

I know a lot of people are just brushing covid off right now but I would feel the same as you. Especially with something like a funeral when people might be trying to hug your partner 😕 I would go to the outside part and stand back but if the inside part isn’t wearing masks to walk to individual tables and sit down socially distanced I’d be tempted to miss that bit too. Where I stay the positivity rate for those being tested is like 12% so I keep thinking even in a room of 10 people, at least one person is most likely positive!

breadbinbaby · 15/07/2021 06:30

Sorry for your loss.

No one should mind you wearing a mask in the circumstances. I’m usually more on the ‘getting on with normal life’ side but actually I do think pregnant women who are unvaccinated or between first and second doses are caught in a very difficult position at the moment. The case rate is very high and climbing, one dose seems to be much less effective than two - even if Covid wouldn’t make you hospital-ill it would still be horrible to get poorly with it at 33 weeks, plus raises issues if you needed to go to hospital for any other reason. My trust prioritised pregnant women so I’m fully vaccinated ahead of my age group - it would have been a very good idea for that to be a national policy in my opinion. Wishing you a healthy rest of your pregnancy.

Original poster

Tinydancer321 · 15/07/2021 07:01

Thank you everyone means a lot xxx

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ineedaholidaynow · 15/07/2021 07:10

If you are wearing a mask and most others aren’t you need to have a mask that protects you as well. Your average fabric one is more to protect others.

There is a report on the BBC website this morning about the additional risk to pregnant women, so you are perfectly in your right to do what you feel most comfortable with. With your update in respect of your children, I would skip the wake altogether and cite childcare reasons, which in your case is not a made up excuse.

I am sorry for your loss