Husband just doesn’t get it

[notactuallylolling]

Just that really. I hear him telling other people how hard I’m finding pregnancy (I’m 39 weeks now) but yet when it comes to me directly he doesn’t actually show that much support. He jokes that it’s not a disability and seems to expect that I can just carry on as ever. Of course I can but the result it I’m an emotional exhausted and aching all over. Then I’m accused of having a monopoly on tiredness or pain…..Is it just me??

Awww bless you thats sooo frustrating!! My partner is fairly supportive to be fair so I'm lucky in that way, he tells me to sit down and goes and does things for me. If I do too much he will tell me to take it easy and things he's really quite good like that. I think your husband needs to realise you are carrying another human being inside of you!!
Your doing a fantastic job and don't be made to feel like your moaning too much or whatever, at this stage (I'm 39+3 too) I think we have the right to complain x

Nah, men can be morons.
Mine always says dumb stuff but isn't even here to be supportive as he's been at sea for a while now. He had some lovely time off in Gibraltar and then moaned to me about being back working full days, I said to him at least you got a break... his response was "well, what do you do when the kids are at school?" Errm all the stuff that is required around here plus getting stuff ready for baby even when I was ill. Total dumbass!!

Men can be dickheads, sorry OP but I miscarried and DH didn't even hug me when the news got delivered instead the nurse did?

Currently TTC and he hasn't asked me a thing, just seems excited for the sex.

Not sure what will happen if we do have a baby as I'm sure as shit not doing everything

Sorry OP! It so tough at this point in pregnancy. I also feel like my husband feels I should carry on as normal but am almost 38 weeks and have irritable uterus (and irritable in general!). I personally think it’s not so real for them / possibly he’s in a bit of denial! Which is ridiculous as this is our second baby!! But they can’t imagine how painful and uncomfortable it is. Or understand the hormones and lack of sleep! Tonight my DH has come home and had TWO naps so far, leaving me to make dinner, deal with our 2 year old and a LENGTHY bath and bedtime routine. So my solution (now everyone including the dog is asleep!) is Ben and jerrrys and strawberries and my favourite show!! maybe we need to be more direct with our orders for them and expect less of ourselves too at this point? Good luck - Hope baby doesn’t keep you waiting much longer.

Make him carry around the weight that you've gained in a backpack... and that's just for starters!

I've seen some people physically tape a ball of similar weight to their partner's abdomen...

Wake him up every couple of hours at night and tell him to pee.

Those are easy things to do off the top of my head!!

@notactuallylolling I seen a video online the other day of a woman who had secured a watermelon to her DHs belly and 2 smaller melons for boobs using cling film then made him go about his day doing household jobs. He’ll soon realise 😬
I lost it at DH about 2 weeks after we’d had our first. He just wouldn’t settle and DH had rocked and bounced him for about 20 minutes trying to get him to sleep then declared that it was time for me to take a turn because DS was a heavy baby and he couldn’t be expected to hold him for that long 😬 nevermind the 9 months of just done eh? 🙄

Even now at 8m he’ll say “I need you to come and take DS so I can go for my shower/toilet/get changed/get a drink” 🤣 take him with you my dear - its what I have to do!

It’s definitely not a disability - but at 39 weeks it is EXHAUSTING!! Get to the couch and get your feet up and tell him you’re officially off duty until you’ve given birth and recovered! I’m sure it won’t kill him to take on a bit extra for a few weeks!

My dh is like this. When I was pregnant he was always competing to be more tired. He only really offered me help if someone else offered or we were with people (obvs for their benefit). The only thing he did when I was pregnant was carry bags for me (but we'd be out somewhere so again, I'm sure to look good).

He was useless when the baby arrived. When I was about to have my second he told everyone the first was like having to do another shift at work once he came home....he literally held the baby for half an hour while I had a wash. I'm not even exaggerating.

I'm really sorry he's not supportive. It's horrible feeling so vulnerable and basically being told to man up. I can't really offer any advice (I clearly didn't learn the first time round) except please be confident in knowing it's not you, you're not weak, your growing another human being from two cells. Please don't push yourself or have to justify yourself. Pregnant woman get priority on public transport for a reason (something I used to tell myself when I was made to feel I was being extra).

Thankyou so much for all your responses. It actually really helps me to know it’s not just me!! I have taken the Ben and Jerrys advice literally and looking forward to that tonight!

@doesparentingsuck I’m so sorry that sounds really hard…how can they be so useless sometimes?!?

@notactuallylolling it is, I also since leaving that message have had a positive test so now will be the reason test!! I'll probably be posting something similar to yours in the coming months lol

OMG congratulations!!!! Amazing news!!!

Currently 28 weeks and yesterday my OH demanded I put all the shopping away as he went out and got it... tbh I was close to starting a whole thread on it so I could show him the responses and that we all think he’s an absolutely unreasonable twat

YES! I have one of those. He’s been quite good all throughout but I’m now 36 weeks and the last week or so he’s been coming in from work knackered while I’ve been at home all day and if I’ve moaned or even just saying anything about being pregnant I feel like he’s either just ignored it or kind of played it down. I just want some sympathy 🙈 I have no one else to moan to all day!

@notactuallylolling thank you! X