Giving birth with vaginismus

[iverunoutofinspiration]

Interested to hear other vaginismus-sufferers experiences with giving birth? I'm very close now and getting worried about internal examinations etc. So would love to hear if anyone else's experiences, and any hints and tips!

Following as in the same position. This is my 2nd pregnancy but my first was a planned section so I've never had to deal with a vaginal delivery or examinations.

Following too as in same boat! Haven’t really thought about it too much so far but 30 weeks today so getting close!

Heya @iverunoutofinspiration
I am currently pregnant with my second (only 6 weeks so far) but have suffered with this for a long time and whilst I had my first child and am very anxious again this time around.
For my first labour I actually ended up having a epidural and I am so so glad I did as I don't think I'd of coped with the internal examinations they had to do throughout my labour otherwise. I didn't plan the epidural at all, I only opted for it when I was already so far dilated and to be honest I think I will say in advance with this second pregnancy that I want an epidural again.
Good luck - happy to answer any questions you have x

@Icklemissgem did you have an early epidural or did they give it to you and then check how dilated you were? My consultant has advised an early epidural but I am
Terrified of a sweep or anything like that! How did you find recovery? And also congratulations!

@iverunoutofinspiration

When I first arrived in triage they tried to check how far dilated I was but even with me using gas and air they weren't successful. I was having very strong contractions and then opted for the epidural (but no idea how far dilated I was as they couldn't check beforehand 🙈), it wasn’t super early but this is definitely what I would ask for this time around.
You don’t have to have a sweep, I refused all mine and it wasn’t an issue at all 😊
Recovery was ok for me and luckily I didn’t need any internal checks afterwards which helped.

You absolutely do not have to accept any internal exams what so ever. They are not needed and even if they do give you an internal there is no exact science about how far dilated you are and if that actually means how long it’ll take for you to give birth. I’m a sexual abuse survivor and I plan on have zero internal examinations. There are other ways midwives can tell how far progressed you are. Never feel pressured into anything, it’s your birth.

You don’t have to consent to anything you’re uncomfortable about and your midwives must respect that. They work for you.

I found internal examinations impossible even when I was dilated; so opted for continuous monitoring instead.

I have self-diagnosed vaginismus/vulvodynia and discussed internal examinations with my community midwife and a midwife at the hospital when I was in for reduced movements and they both stressed how I can refuse them. I've put on my birth plan that I would like to be offered G&A for any necessary examinations and otherwise going to see how I get on.

Gas and air is your friend op. A good couple of lungfuls and you’ll find internals a breeze. Definitely worked for me

@TellySavalashairbrush

Gas and air is your friend op. A good couple of lungfuls and you’ll find internals a breeze. Definitely worked for me

Gas and Air didn’t work with mine. I had to have a ‘walking’ epidural

Hi OP. I have vaginismus. First pregnancy I sought advice and the consultant said 'don't worry just go for a natural labour and come in when fully dilated and then we won't need to check your cervix.'
HA!!!
I ended up 2 weeks overdue getting induced and having 2-hourly cervical exams for 4 days. A lot of the time the midwives couldn't actually perform them. Gas and air were useless. It was honestly my idea of hell. I never went into labour and I'm convinced it's because I was so unbelievably panicky the whole time.

Ended up having a c section because I couldn't go on with the induction.

Second pregnancy I said very firmly and loudly to anyone that asked that I was having a section and absolutely no internal exams even if I went into labour early. I did indeed go into labour early and because I had been so clear about my requirements no one even suggested doing an examination, they just did an emergency section.

I would recommend making clear that you refuse a section. You might say you will have spontaneous labour or a section, or you might ask to go straight to elective section. Vaginismus counts as a reason to do so.

Good luck x

Sorry I meant refuse an induction, not a section!!

By the way I didn't find the gas and Air useful at all for the internals, because its a psychological thing and the pain comes from your fear. In fact it made it worse as i felt even less in control. I DID find gas and air useful for labour pains with my second child whilst waiting for my emergency section. But not for internal exams.

@Chocolatebuttercream thank you for sharing your experience! Yeah they've recommended gas and air for any internals and then an early epidural and anything 'natural' that can try and help me
Not go to term and have to face induction! I am worried, because lots of midwives and docs just don't get it and I end up being traumatised after every encounter (I had light bleeding and had to go to MAU where a midwife asked me what I expected them to do if they couldn't use a speculum...)

@EdithGrantham oh good luck. I have that on my plan too but just so apprehensive about it!

@Ozanj I think I might opt for this as any internal leaves me utterly traumatised to the point where I just cannot stop crying and shaking!

@iverunoutofinspiration yes I found hardly anyone gets it unless you really spell it out. I've had unhelpful things said too, one midwife during my induction said 'I see other midwives have struggled to find your cervix but I won't, I have really long strong fingers'

Also had the whole 'how did you expect to have a baby without internals', 'how did you get pregnant in the first place ', 'everyone finds it unpleasant, just relax' things. But if you really spell it out you will find they they listen.

Speak up about your issues and decline as many examinations as you want. My mistake was not being honest about it all. It's your body and your birth.

[quote iverunoutofinspiration]@Ozanj I think I might opt for this as any internal leaves me utterly traumatised to the point where I just cannot stop crying and shaking! [/quote]
This happened to me. Just keep speaking up and remember you won't see them again and they won't matter after you take your baby home.

You do not have to consent to internal examinations. They can care for you without them.

If they try to pressure you or force you then that's assault. Consent is only legally valid if it is freely given without pressure being applied.

If they aren't listening when you say no, then you keep repeating "I do not consent" firmly again and again and again until they back off. If they try to go ahead then you repeat it louder.

Usually those are the words that trigger the coercive/abusive staff to remember that what they're doing is unlawful and they stop. When you just say "no" or try explaining those individuals zone you out. "I do not consent" repeated if necessary is what gets through.

It will also attract the attention of non-coercive staff if you get to the point where you are having to repeat it with your voice raised. They can then make sure you are being cared for in a non-abusive way.

Do not be afraid to do this. It is not rude - trying to force and coerce and pressure you into an examination is abusive and criminal. Protecting yourself is completely fine.

If they pressure you into examinations you don't consent to they are committing a criminal offence and all healthcare professionals know this. They know this.

"I do not consent."

You don't deserve to be traumatised and it is not necessary for you to try and endure being traumatised.

[quote Chocolatebuttercream]@iverunoutofinspiration yes I found hardly anyone gets it unless you really spell it out. I've had unhelpful things said too, one midwife during my induction said 'I see other midwives have struggled to find your cervix but I won't, I have really long strong fingers'

Also had the whole 'how did you expect to have a baby without internals', 'how did you get pregnant in the first place ', 'everyone finds it unpleasant, just relax' things. But if you really spell it out you will find they they listen.[/quote]
This just made me do an involuntary kegel, how would that make anyone feel relaxed!? I've had pain during sex for so many years which has just been brushed off so I've learnt techniques myself to overcome it. But I thought I should speak to my GP about it seeing as I'll soon facing a lot more with labour, he was worse than useless and just kept talking about how his wife didn't care in labour who shoved their hand in there it was after this I spoke to the hospital midwife who I guessed wouldn't know my GP so told her what he'd said and she looked horrified so I'm hoping she's a good example of all the midwives at the hospital so I won't have to argue too much if I decide against internal exams

I have not had it bad like you OP but also have issues with internals and will be declining internal vaginal exams when baby is on the way. The only exception for me if there was a clinical/medical reason why an exam was required. They cannot force exams upon you, especially given your situation and the level of trauma you feel. Internal exams are not necessary in normal labour, midwives have other ways of determining how you are progressing so you can decline and they should respect your wishes. Echoing what others have said it is your body and your birth. Don’t be bullied into having something that will cause you such distress OP, it’s much more important you feel calm and safe in labour as stress will only work against your body.

Listen to the episode here called "Pushing and Cervixes"

There is no medical reason to need an internal examination if you haven't had an epidural. They might want to know whether you're over 4cm for some kind of "policy" but this is BS - pain relief can be given and you can be admitted even without them knowing exactly how many centimetres dilated you are.

You can also definitely refuse a stretch and sweep. There's no evidence this actually does anything anyway.

rachel-reed.website/podcast/

FWIW - weirdly - I found internal exams excruciatingly painful before, throughout pregnancy and during labour with my first child, but since having him they have been completely fine and totally painless! No different to opening my mouth. I remember bracing myself and really worrying about it for the post birth check up and it was absolutely fine and has never been an issue ever again I now live in Germany where I have one every checkup and I wouldn't have previously believed that to be something I could cope with.

@user27424799642256

You do not have to consent to internal examinations. They can care for you without them.

If they try to pressure you or force you then that's assault. Consent is only legally valid if it is freely given without pressure being applied.

If they aren't listening when you say no, then you keep repeating "I do not consent" firmly again and again and again until they back off. If they try to go ahead then you repeat it louder.

Usually those are the words that trigger the coercive/abusive staff to remember that what they're doing is unlawful and they stop. When you just say "no" or try explaining those individuals zone you out. "I do not consent" repeated if necessary is what gets through.

It will also attract the attention of non-coercive staff if you get to the point where you are having to repeat it with your voice raised. They can then make sure you are being cared for in a non-abusive way.

Do not be afraid to do this. It is not rude - trying to force and coerce and pressure you into an examination is abusive and criminal. Protecting yourself is completely fine.

If they pressure you into examinations you don't consent to they are committing a criminal offence and all healthcare professionals know this. They know this.

"I do not consent."

You don't deserve to be traumatised and it is not necessary for you to try and endure being traumatised.

That’s really good advice.