MIL doesn’t care.

[TEH123]

Hi!

I’m 22 weeks pregnant, nearly 23 and had absolutely no support from my partners mother, she never calls or texts and when my partner asked her why she claimed that we never go to her yet we have always gone up to see her at least once a week since moving out but stopped due to no effort on her side.

She has text me saying that he is a disappointment to her for not keeping in touch since giving up yet he has proof of her ignoring him through text.

She has been down to our house once after saying something to her about not making an effort and asking about the baby, but even then decided to bring someone else’s child down with her and only really bothered with the toddler rather than try and speak to us. There has been no apology for her words either from the previous day so I felt uncomfortable in my own home as did my partner.

She has made comments about my own family saying that my parents buying the baby clothes as a gift at the gender reveal made her look bad and that it was basically done intentionally. She complained about my mother knowing the gender of the baby before her but this is only because she planned the gender reveal, no one else had an issue with this. She didn’t seem interested in the event anyways as she turned up late and left early.

She had hinted that she is upset and that she is deeply hurt by my partner moving out and in with me, making me feel as thou she blames me for taking him away in a sense.

All this is making me feel as thou I don’t want anything to do with her and don’t want her around my son, is that wrong of me?

Jeez sounds so childish! It's all about her isn't it. I don't think it's unreasonable to feel what you are about her. I'd distance myself I think and that includes seeing the baby until she can stop blaming everyone else for her own shitty feelings

Hi @TEH123

Your MIL sounds just as crazy as mine. Is she on her own by any chance? For years mine has constantly said I have driven a wedge between her and her son 🙈 he knows she’s a nutter and we keep our distance unless absolutely necessary. Just found out I’m pregnant so not looking forward to her finding out 🤣

I get how you feel completely. Sometimes the stress and drama isn’t worth it and at the end of the day it’s her loss not seeing her son, you and her grandson. If it makes you feel better I would keep her at arms length x

No she has a partner, I get so frustrated on behalf of my partner cos she bothers with every other persons children rather than her own and then blames him for it. I just don’t know if I’m doing wrong and damaging my partners relationship further with her by doing so but I’m so exhausted listening to rubbish and putting up with her x

MIL's are funny things.
When we had our 1st 3 children my mil was not very interested and spoke of them like they weren't her grandchildren. When pregnant with our eldest my husband was deployed away when I was 14wk and didn't return until I was 36wk, I didn't see his mother/step father side at all during that time. If they rang all they did was ask about dh and what was happening with his deployment instead of asking how me/baby were (really irritated me). When I was pregnant with our twins they decided it a good idea to take digs at me via social media and dh lost his shit with them. Result was they didn't meet the twins until they were 4 years old. We went to BIL's wedding and they point blank refused to talk to us, when bil had his 1st child we started spending more time with them so they had to change. They were still awkward about us being around for over a year but things did settle down, dh still holds a lot of resentment but I keep the peace.

Just do what works best for you as a family. She may change with time but you may have to cut ties, just give her chance after baby arrives and see how it goes then.

Are you sure we don't have the same mil? My mil was different when I first found out I was pregnant and after he was born, she wanted him overnight when he was 1 week old and threatened social services if we didn't let he, we were 18 and naive so believed her, she had our son and daughter every week until they were 4 and 5 when we stopped it because of mil's husband was an alcoholic. We said we'd visit them once a week to which she replied that she doesn't want us to visit her, she just wants the kids to stay or she won't see them again. Then after her and her husband split she wanted to see them, we let her then she bacame friends with dh's friend and his girlfriend, then she didn't want to see our kids anymore, she just wanted to see her friends kids, we'd keep inviting her round so the kids can see her but she argued with dh about it, then went to her friends and told them that I'm refusing to let her see the kids. After many persuasions she finally came round (for half an hour) didn't speak to our kids but the whole time bragging about her friends kids and how they are smarter than our son. She then had an affair with her friend (dh's friend) and now they are together and she's brainwashed him by saying how I've never let her see the kids, and saying how she was a single mum doing it on her own, when in reality, she gave her son up to live with his nan from 18 months up until he was 12 when she decided she wanted him back, all because her partner's and step kids came first, even took dh's birthday money when he was younger and spent it on her step kids. I've told dh that when her and her partner split up she's having nothing to do with our kids. Last time she saw them was the 31st of July this year only because we invited them to their joint birthday party, but before that it was may 15th. She hasn't been InTouch since July though. I'm sorry to jump on your post but letting you know that you're not alone, and how our mil's are alike. I just wish my partner had a backbone to the her straight, but he's always being bullied by her and degraded. Our kids are 8 and 9 now and stopped asking after her, her loss

Op as frustrating as it is you need to maintain a relationship for your dp. Suck it up! Unless she hurts the baby just keep to monthly visits and tell her if she wants to see yous and baby once here more than monthly she can come to you

What i meant by hurting the baby was emotionally in the future