Help - I thought I was ready but now I’m terrified!

[Tand123]

Hi, I am new to mumsnet so sorry if this is posted in the wrong space...

We stopped using contraception in December and whilst not actively trying I tested positive yesterday! I was soo broody and ready but now I’m just terrified and anxious and feel as though I’m not ready!

We recently bought a house that is soon to be extensively decorated before we can live there and I’m worried I won’t have time to get everything sorted or money for everything all at once with a baby too!

I think I’m 6wks and I’m getting nausea but trying to hide it which is making things more stressful and difficult! Me and my husband have moved in with my parents while the house is being done but I don’t feel ready to share the news! I also feel like if I share with them I have to ask them not to say to other members of the family which might be difficult for them! I am also scared that they will get too involved when I need space.

I am so torn and overwhelmed by everything and I don’t know what to do - has anyone got any advise?
Also what do I do now- am I mean to make a doctors appointment?

Hi @Tand123

First off, congratulations to you.

Secondly on the more practical steps if your in the UK most it depends on how your local trust works but where I am I was able to refer myself straight away to the midwife. I phoned my doctors receptionist for advice as I wasn't sure if I needed to see him first to confirm and she gave me the number and explained that they don't confirm it. So I phoned midwife and they explained that they'd have me in for my booking appointment somewhen between 8 and 10 weeks. Mine gave me a date there and then for it but some people get a letter in the post I've heard. There's useful information on the NHS website about what hapoens etc.

On the more emotional side.. its quite normal to feel overwhelmed and not ready rigjt after you first find out, even if it was planned. Its a massive change to get your head around ours was planned and despite that it took me ages to feel anything other than scared and not ready. I was concerned I had the wrong decision and everything and then started feeling bad because when he did get around to telling people... everyone felt like they were more excited then I was. I'm almost 18 weeks now and the feelings are starting to balance out a bit more now but I'm still getting moments of feeling completely unprepared and overwhelmed that its even happening. My DH has been the best support to me in those moments, giving me reassurance and such and a few close friends. Mumsnet was also a valuable source of support.. it was a relief to me to see that the feelings I was having were completely normal :) I just took each day one step at a time in the beginning when I was feeling like that and looking into the practical things I could do to prepare myself. Reading and researching what I was going to need and such.

Baby things are not cheap but as it's just for such a small amount of time there's so much second hand stuff you can get out there to help save you from spending loads - if your okay with second hand things. I know some people don't like it :) and I just started putting money aside very early on to cover the cost of these things so it didn't feel like a massive chunk in one step in the future. Since announcing my pregancy I'm amazed by how many people have offered me things though and that's massively helpful.

Give yourself some time to adjust with the pregnancy. It will feel less over whelming :) I cried for days thinking I'd made a huge mistake - it was me that was crying originally about wanting a baby and time running out on me if we did act soon and how desperate I felt to be a mother.. DH was quite happy to not have kids.. and when it came to it, he was much more level headed about it then I was or had expected him to be.

It'll be okay OP xx

How you are feeling is really not unusual. I wanted my baby for 6 years and when I finally fell pregnant I though immediately about having an abortion because the reality of actually having a baby was so overwhelming. I’m now 34 weeks and really excited but it took a while to figure out my emotions. Don’t feel bad at all for however you react to your news - just make sure you don’t do anything impulsively as I’ve done that too and personally, it was awful.

If you want the baby then no matter what you’ll make it work - money will always come and as shit as our government is they won’t let a baby go unfed. Having a baby is really hard work but it’s also really really rewarding. You wanted this baby so badly so just give yourself some time and some care to process how you’re feeling and maybe something will shift.

Again, this is your pregnancy and your body so ultimately your choice.

Aww congratulations! You will be fine! You have ages to sort all the minor things out. Don’t tell them just now if you don’t want to. I didn’t get really sick until 8-12 weeks and even then it was once a day so I could probably have hidden it. I’m due really soon and I feel your pain about not wanting people to get too involved. I’m very independent and like my own space anyway but it does feel like people start to take some sort of ownership over your body because a baby is in there. Luckily because of covid I haven’t had many people touch it. I’ve had two people ask (one at work and one was FIL bizarrely) and I feel like it’s good they asked but you can’t exactly say no so I just had to uncomfortably stand there and let them 🙈 The more I think about everyone’s interest in this baby the more I just want to run away with him 😂 I’m sure it will be fine when he arrives though and il just take it in small doses.

Take the pregnancy part in small steps. Where I stay we have to phone the hospital to arrange a booking appointment when you first find out, I phoned at 6 weeks. Focus on how to get to the 12 week scan then whether you’ll tell people then the next scan, then whether you want to know the gender etc. I found up to 20 weeks went in quite slow and after that it’s flown by. I’ve had the easiest time ever and always expected being pregnant to just be awful but I literally don’t feel pregnant even at 36 weeks 😂 Don’t worry about how you’ll afford things, it’s only money and you’ll get more later!

Circumstances aside...I remember that feeling of overwhelm. My mother said to me at the time "nature gives you 9 months to get ready, by the time the baby comes you'll be ready". She was SO right!

@Taenia @sarah13xx @Sheisfee thanks all for your help and support, its so reassuring to know that I’m not the only one that has these sort of feelings at the start... I just imagined it would be all sunshine and rainbows when I found out!

Also thanks for the practical advice, I’m an in the uk so will start by giving the doctor a call tomorrow.

Also @sarah13xx, you sound like me! I’m quite independent too and I’ve been struggling to move back in with my parents cause I like my own space but I think I will hold off on sharing the news for a while and not let myself feel bad about that!

Thanks such great advice @IknowThisIsRidiculous! I will remind myself of this throughout

Totally normal. I'm going in for induction and I'm still not entirely convinced about the whole thing tbh it'll be fine. You love them when they get here and you'll make it work.

Induction on Thursday that should have said!