Pregnant and lost all friends.

[Lonelyandpregnant]

Hello, I just wanted a bit of a rant/get things off my chest if that’s okay?
Since becoming pregnant I’ve lost all my friends, I’m not the first one of the group to get pregnant a few of my friends have babies but I struggled in the beginning and I reached out to my friends and they literally just fell off the face of the earth. Even my closest friend that was there for me in the beginning has not pulled away and I’m not 100% sure why, I’ve tried to reach out to see if I’ve done anything wrong or if I can fix whatever they feel I’ve done wrong but mg messages just get read and ignored and I don’t hear anything and it’s been like this for months now. I’m half way through my pregnancy and I’m struggling without any friends, my husband is amazing and so supportive but it’s different than having your own friends. I think it’s been too long now to reconcile with my other friends and I’ve tried countless of times too anyways and I get no where. Has this happened to anyone else? Does it get better? I’m feeling really lonely and confused and this crying all the time isn’t helping me or the baby. I’ve tried the peanut app too and messaging on there but seem to get no where, I think it must be me at this point. Anyone have any words of advice please? Thank you.

That's rubbish of your friends. I don't think it's you, OP. It's selfish and many of us have become even more selfish during this pandemic.

Can you get involved in a hobby?

@Happy36 thank you for replying! Yeah that’s really true, I’ve just been so blindsided by the way they’ve just shrugged me off as if I haven’t been friends with them the last 20-15 years. I didn’t really have any other friends too and the one I was the closest too out of the group stayed in contact with me and helped me a lot during the beginning of the pregnancy but then she’s just pulled away the last month or so too and I’ve honestly been left with no one. I’ve tried to join classes but because of covid at the moment everything seems to be on stop especially classes. 😩

I’m sorry to hear this. I feel you, I ended up making new mum friends who had babies at a similar time to me, which was really helpful. Some of my old friends came back on the scene after birth, but only through irregular WhatsApp’s etc. One couldn’t comprehend why I couldn’t book a holiday for the next two months for a mini reunion (abroad to Dubai of all places) whilst I’m 38 weeks pregnant and have a toddler at home. Ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Mncrmum thank you for replying ☺️ Ahh I’m really glad your made mum friends! I’m hoping that will happen for me just not feeling very hopeful after all this with my ‘friends’ haha!
Ahh that’s so silly! I don’t get how some people just don’t understand! Haha

@Lonelyandpregnant I'm sorry you've been treated like this, especially during what might be a vulnerable time for you.

I went through something similar when I moved to live in the UK from another country. One of my longest friends of 10+ years just stopped bothering being friends with me, is the only way I can describe it. I had conversations with her about it and she couldn't give me a reason for not wanting to try anymore. I think the long distance was too much and she couldn't be bothered tbh. It was really difficult for me to go through as moving countries was a bit of a lonely time friend wise and I would have appreciated the support. I don't have many friends so this hit me really hard.

You may never get a good enough reason as to why they're treating you this way. Know that you're worthy of being treated a lot better than that, you deserve good friends that are there for you and these "friends" are not really your friends if they're treating you like this and you're much better off without them in the long run.

It's a few years later for me now and I still have few friends and have struggled making new ones, although I have made a few. I'm really hoping to make more mum friends like another poster mentioned, either around my estates fb group or baby groups and classes. Hobbies are a good idea. I've tried different apps myself as well but they weren't for me and the conversations didn't progress that much. I'm trying to appreciate the few good friends that I have instead of focusing on what I don't have. You can and will get through this 💕

❤️ when classes start opening up and you are able to go to some interactive sessions, I would really recommend going to meet some new mums. I joined heartbeeeps (in 2019), and met 4 mums who had babies similar times to me and they felt exactly the same. I was really shy at first, but after going to the classes regularly we started just visually taking and suggested going for a coffee after the class. My DD was 10 weeks old and so we were on WhatsApp’s during night feeds, talked about all the ups and downs and we’re such good friends now. I wouldn’t have met these lovely women before pregnancy, but I promise there will be other mums that feel just as you do now. Xx

@Lonelyandpregnant I could have wrote this myself. I am so sorry to read that you are going through this, it truly gets you down and it's all rather confusing. My son is now one and I don't speak to any of my "original" friends before falling pregnant.

When I was pregnant I set up a group to connect other pregnant ladies and its the best thing I have ever done. They are whom I classify my best friends now . We speak almost every day and meet up when we are all available to let the babies play and have fun.

Get yourself on the app Peanut or Mush and make some connections in your area, there will always be one person that you click with and you won't look back. In my opinion, those that disappear during such an important and magical moment of your life are not worth having involved. You are better off without and they will soon realise they weren't there and reflect.

You are going to be ok and you are going to meet some amazing women during your journey. Keep strong and we are ALL here for you x

Thank you everyone ❤️ In a weird way it’s nice to know you’re not alone in these situations even if you feel like you are!
You’re messages have made me feel emotional thank you ❤️
I can’t wait to get to the point of not caring now but at the moment the feelings feel so real and it just hurts to know that people aren’t there for you when you though they were! Yesterday I asked a friend is she was free for a catch up and a chat because I was feeling lonely and just wanted a friend to talk too but instead of just lending a ear she give me the number to the Samaritans instead without even talking to me, I was pretty insulted as I was just asking for a chat from a friend not a crisis helpline! So it just goes to show who is there for you and who’s not!
I have tried the apps ladies but conversation never goes anywhere and it always seems to be me that starts them so it gets a bit overwhelming!
I just wish I knew what I did wrong, I honestly don’t think I did to be honest but I’m so confused and just feel so low with it all! Thank you ladies I really really appreciate the kind messages it means more than the world to me thank you! X

@Lonelyandpregnant I'm pretty sure it's quite likely that you did nothing wrong here so please don't think like that. I completely understand the headspace you must be in at the moment and I really empathise with you, I've been there too and it's really difficult.

Have you tried positive journaling or gratitude journaling? It might help you in this situation to focus on the good things you have and are thankful for to help emphasise those rather than focus on what is missing. It can be as simple as everyday think of 5 things that you are grateful for, and spend a few minutes thinking about those things. Eventually it might help you feel a bit more positive, a bit more appreciative for what you do have (not saying you're not appreciative, it might just help you feel a bit more positive, it helped me before!).

I think you might need some time to process this. I know it took me a really long time actually which was silly. But it felt like I was going through a breakup. But it does get better. Have you got one friend, maybe not so close but one that's maybe been there for you before? Could you try focusing on them and spending some time with them and seeing if that helps? It could be a chance to put your energy towards things and people that are actually there for you, that maybe you haven't noticed before. It will get better day after day xx

If happened to me OP, it was heartbreaking & has still affected my self-worth & confidence. I’ve been rejected throughout childhood & into adult life quite often!
I can make friends but haven’t built any lasting relationships, tbh I’m a bit of a rubbish friend now, I don’t want to give too much. I hope you’re ok & excited for your baby (it tainted my pregnancy badly, I didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ apart from become pregnant!)

I'm so sorry this has happened, hope you're ok 💜... while it doesn't make up for it there are a lot of ways such as here to reach out to like-minded people, hopefully you should also meet lots of lovely mum friends once baby arrives! Which is is my plan! I'm 28 and for a number of reasons over the years whilst I know a lot of people I've found myself with no long-term friends it does get very lonely at times.

Thank you everyone!
Yeah I’ve done all the journaling but I stopped so I think I’ll start that back up and see if it helps for this situation definitely!
Yeah if feels like a break up with about 5 people at once it’s horrible, I honestly I have no friends to turn to at all because when I do I get shut down and it hurts to know I wouldn’t ever do this to them if they asked for my help I couldn’t feel less important if I tried to the people I thought were supposed to be my friends.
I’m hoping it all changes when baby arrives and I get to meet new people through having my baby, I don’t have a negative mind set but this has really made me over think everything and I’m not enjoying my pregnancy at all and it’s made me feel so guilty now and I’m just nervous that when I do meet people will I form friendships with them, will they want a friendship with me, will I ever have a friend again that I can turn to for things and them turn to me for things? Just questioning everything and it’s the only thing that seems to be on my mind, making me exhausted!
Thank you again ladies x