I broke down during IVF.

[HeidiGerman]

DH and I found out that it would be difficult for us to conceive a child naturally and we are just about to embark on our IVF journey. I'm so looking forward to being a mother but today I broke down during an internal examination. One thing that isn't discussed a lot is how victims of sexual abuse, like myself, deal with invasive examinations during IVF and pregnancy. Now I appreciate that this sort of examination is uncomfortable for anyone, but I really struggle since I was assaulted years ago. I felt hugely embarrassed when I started crying during the examination and felt I had to explain myself to the nurses so they knew my reaction wasn't because of anything they did. Now I'm someone who believes wholeheartedly that crying is not something to be ashamed of, but I couldn't control feeling deeply ashamed and embarrassed of myself. I'm even doubting whether I can face the staff again!

I was wondering if anyone out there has been through IVF and felt similarly and could share some words of advice? Right now I feel pretty stressed and alone (although DH is really supportive, it's not the same as talking to people who have experienced it).

Have a look at the mybodyback website, I have found it really helpful and have an appointment with them for when I am 24 weeks.

It's terribly difficult, I too have cried my way through many an examination, no other advice just wanted to say you're not alone

You can tell the medical professionals that you've had past trauma that makes it difficult for you, without going into more detail if you don't want to.

Is there anything that could help you feel more in control, could they maybe let you insert the probe and then take over.

With egg collection the majority of clinics give sedation but worth checking the process. You could also be prescribed something to help you relax for embryo transfer if you think it would help, my clinic were happy to use something like valium but there may be more options open to you.
Have you had any counselling, or would you consider it? IVF can be difficult and emotional and with your added trauma it might help to talk it through with someone who understands (make sure they do though, not just any counsellor).

You might also find advice from others with similar traumatic experiences who are going through IVF on the Infertility boards.

@ElmtreeMama sorry for your experience too, I hope you are getting support from your midwife etc.

As a survivor myself I totally understand. I’m having a c section for that reason. Internals are a no no for me. You are a superhero to me as I couldn’t have done IVF.

I am in therapy and had been preparing to become pregnant for a year. I’d definitely recommend speaking to someone who specialises in trauma.