Bad news about my friend's pregnancy today - don't know what to do??

[MilkyWay]

2 years ago, when dd was born, I became friends with a lady inthe hospital who'd also had a little girl the day before. We've kept in touch and she and her dd were due to come to my dd's party on Monday.

Having had a couple of cancellations from other invitees and being down to 5 now I was feeling pretty fed up. I called her to check they were still coming and her dh answered. He sounded odd, so I asked him what was wrong and he told me that my friend was in Guys as they had detected that the baby's heart wasn't functioning properly. He was understandably very emotional and couldn't speak. I don't know whether to call her next week (obviously don't expect her to come to party)or wait till she contacts me.

if i was your friend i would want you to phone me hth!

I think the bit I'm struggling with is that she's got loads of girlfriends and I don't want to butt in. Also scared her hubby will answer again and don't know what to say to him.

I also don't really know what this means - baby's heart not developing properly - sounds pretty terrible to me.

I would call her to let her know you are there if she needs you. If dh answers just ask him to let her know you are thinking of her - i'm sure they will both appreciate the support

Thanks - it's her dd's birthday on Sunday so I'll call then to say happy birthday to her and hopefully be able to speak to my friend.

it does sound scary, i agree. how sad for them. i dont think you will be butting in, maybe they need lots of people around them just now. also the longer you leave it it might get awkward.

or maybe write her a letter?

Why don't you send her a card? It'll let her know that you're thinking about her and that you know that she's not having a good time. You could also invite her to get in touch whenever she feels ready or if she thinks of anything that you could do to help. That way she'll know that it's okay for her to call when she feels ready and that you won't be offended if it takes a while for her to get in touch.

Sending a card is a nice idea, I'm sure some chocolates or flowers would be appreciated too.

Obviously it's difficult to know what they mean by saying the baby's heart isn't functioning properly but I have a friend who has a DS and when she was pg they told her something similar, they were obviously worried sick, a scan a few weeks later showed things to be improved and she gave birth to a healthy baby boy, I believe he was given a scan once he was born and his heart was found to be normal. I just hope that things turn out as well for your friend.

I was really ill after my babies birth and got very upset when some of my friends didn't make contact - just because they didn't know what to do or how to handle my situation. Other friends were there for me and stayed in contact offering their support and comfort and I'll always be thankfull to them for this.

I would send a card and chocs. If you send flowers it might be a bit dodgy - we tend to send flowers to people who have just been born or died - so it might not be very sensitive! But just an upbeat message saying you're thinking of her and offering any help. And remember, people can seem like they have loads of friends, but it doesn't mean that they don't need you!

Having sort of been in this position myself ( your friends) I would just make a quick call - if you get the husband just let him know that you are thinking of them and is there anything you can do to help... ask him to let your friend know that you are thinking of her. Send a card too - just a thinking of you sort of thing would be fine.

If she is anything like me - I did not want to be a bother to people or go on about what was happening to me - so I was reluctant to call anyone other than very very close friends.... if others called me - I really appreciated it.

Thanks for all your messages. I had an update today as when I got back from visiting my mum, she'd left a message saying she'd still like to bring her dd to my dd's party tomorrow.
Apparently, the baby has an enlarged heart and she is due to go for more tests over the next couple of weeks.

I'm so hapy she's coming tomorrow and we can have a proper chat. Funny, I've only known her two years and we only see each other about every 3 months, but I count her as one of my closest friends.

Thanks for your words of support and advice.