Is your DH supportive and helpful during pregnancy?

[Ernestina]

Because mine has said he doesn't have time to help with food shopping, cleaning, home improvements etc because he's too busy earning money for when the baby's born.

He does work long hours and I know he's stressed but I'm wondering where the guy who cooked for me when I had morning sickness has gone?

I'm now 32 weeks, still working myself and feeling pretty awful physically, but feel like I have no support from anywhere. I'll be eating toast for dinner yet again tonight as I don't have the energy to shop or cook, and dh is out working.

I'm trying to come up with my own solutions - I now do one internet food shop each week - but that doesn't last all week and I can't afford the delivery twice a week.

What do others do to cope? I can't afford a cleaner and I don't have any friends or family locally who can help out, only the parents-in-law, but not sure I can admit I'm not coping to them. Help!

If you order from asda it only costs £4!! It's much better than tesco!

My DP has pretty much waited on me hand and foot, so I can't whinge. If I feel for one moment he's not I whige and whine and go on about being pregnant and then he makes an extra effort. Mean really, but I'm exhausted at the moment that I cannot be bothered with anything after work/night school.

If I were you I'd explain to him... or leave the washing up and shopping etc until he asks why and then say you're struggling and need a hand.. then he has no choice but to help.

Not that I'm excusing him, but do you think he's feeling the pressure of being 'the breadwinner'? DH went a bit like this, got a bit obsessed with work. Fab dad once DS arrived, work took a bit of a back seat for a while

Could you not order enough in your tesco delivery to last you 2 weeks?

Try and set yourself a goal of cooking something nice at least twice a week, then on the days you have toast it won't seem so bad.

Try easy things to that take no effort and minimal washing up - jacket potatoes with beans, pasta and pesto.

Don't worry about the cleaning - it can wait til the weekend when (hopefully) your DH will pitch in and help you.

MaeWest - you've hit the nail on the head there.

Hayleyandbaby - will try and take your advice, but if I want clean clothes to wear for work, and clean cups and plates then I end up having to do stuff myself. And it's not that healthy for the baby to live on toast.

Anyway, at least it's the weekend. Going to bed soon I think...

Ernestina - hope you have a restful night. If you think it's that, you know the only thing to do is to sit down and talk to him... Easier said than done I know, my DH is the 'bottle it up and grump around' type. DH felt very responsible for me and the baby, and I think it frightened him somewhat.

Hope you work things out soon

Ernest if you look on promotional codes on here or there is one on the legal money matters thread you can often get free delivery codes. I just used one as i am 34 weeks and am exhausted too just can't face the supermarket.
What about making up some meals and freezing them ?
Have you sat down with him and told him how you feel ?
Think it's pretty normal tbh esp if it's your first prob his way og coming to terms with having to support anther person soon.
As for cleaning leave it just do a bit at a time when you can be bothered.

Make life easy for yourself as much as you can - ready meals with veg or salad are not that unhealthy, cook up a big pot of something like bolgnese on the weekend when you might have a bit more energy, add in loads of veggies, e.g. add peppers, mushroom, grate some carrots, courgette etc. then freeze individual portions so you can have it later in the week when your fresh stuff has gone, so you're still getting goodness in you.

Maybe order in takeaway one night and sit down together and both talk about how you're feeling, he might need to get things off his chest too and need some emotional support to come to terms with being a dad soon - might be a scary thought for him? There is enough stress with coping with sleepless nights once the baby arrives (altho' I'm sure you'll have a wonder baby who sleeps very well for you, not an all night disco party boy like my DS 9m old!) so give him a hug and ask him how he feels about it all.

good luck and hope you've got your feet up .

lolyloo, actually I'm ernest! we are not the same. sulk.

Hi Ernestina,
So glad that someone elses DH is being as unhelpful as mine! I too get the excuse that he is working really hard to provide for me and the baby and sometimes I just want to scream. AAARRRGGGHHHH! Great that both our hubbies are working, but mine seems to think that I should still be capable of being the domestic goddess that I was 6 months ago!
Anyway, on a practical note, I cook spaghetti bolognese in bulk, chilli con carne in bulk and rice in bulk. Then I chuck em all in the freezer so that at least there's something nutritious to eat every now and then.
Otherwise, when you make ur toast, add some grated cheese, ham, tomatoe and onion on top and bung it in the microwave for 30 secs......instant toasted sandwich!
Re: the cleaning, well, I'm with you there too. Can't afford a cleaner and don't really feel comfortable asking anyone apart from DH to help with the housework. So, now I do what I can and if the house looks particularly bad (as is often the case) I just console myself with the thought that sooner or later the nesting instinct will kick in and I'll turn into a cleaning machine once that happens!
Best of luck with everything!
x

mines busy decorating but thats only because weve been here 4 years and its needed doing since then. he shows very little interest in the pregnancy and basically leaves anything to do with it to me. he even had a strop because i asked him to look at pushchairs however once babies born he does help a lot more though with the last one he seemed to assume that as soon as i got out of hospital i was back to normal and dragged me round sainsburys!

I am about to drag dh to ikea, he hates the place but i am off to look for nursery stuff, he works all hours but does not stick to a budget i am worried that we are over extending ourselves, Yestereday i cried the house was a tip i had to force myself to clean it my placenta felt like it was in my knees. I shall be taking advise on time saving thanks ladies.

My DH also does very little. He works long hours but then so do I! I have 2 DSs to look after (7.5 & 4.10), work from home plus 2 evenings a week at a supermarket. I do everything round the house (apart from the odd bout of hovering), all the cooking and most of the childcare.

Am 35 weeks and exhausted but when I mention this to DH he is much like yours Ernest and says "well I work".

I don't think they are meaning to be nasty but I just think the stress of becoming a parent (again in DH's case) coupled with the fact that they actually have no idea how exhausting the whole thing is, makes them quite insensitive! You are very lucky that he made you breakfast when you had morning sickness, my DH just moaned that I looked like c%*p!

I would not say I always cope but I just get on with it and do as much as I can. I get online shopping too and what doesn't get done around the house just gets left. If he moaned about it I would soon tell him to do it himself! When can you go on MAT leave? I start mine at the beginning of December and TBH counting down to that has been what keeps me going - I shall sleep for the first week!

Hmm women fought for years to prove that they are equal in every way to men...but when you are pregnant you howl like a baby for Mr Darcy to come and rescue you......(me too included in that)

1st time he was an arse we had a difficult time and it took me a while to forgive him, this time he is being brilliant

Hi everyone,
I've taken loads on board from this thread. I want to start looking after my DP a bit more as I have just stopped doing anything and everything now I'm pregnant.

What things can i cook and freeze? Eileen O mentioned Chilli and bolognese, is there anything else?I was thinking maybe shepherds pie? If I can think of like 5 meals or so I'll feel better

Ditto Ernestina! My DH was also a star when I had morning sickness, but not any more. My theory is that I have always looked after DH so well with cooking, cleaning etc (despite also working) that he now can't/won't see that I need help. We're having weekly rows about it: his response is always something infuriating like: 'We don't live in a hotel, it doesn't have to be spotless' (when floor hasn't been mopped for three weeks...) or 'well let's just have a sandwich for dinner' if I'm too knackered to go out and buy ingredients to make something more nutritious. Today I threw all his clean washing at him as I was so mad at him . I keep telling him he's going to HAVE to get used to doing more round the house once the baby is here as like you we don't have family nearby and can't afford a cleaner. His answer? 'A bit of dirt never hurt anyone'. Or: 'I know you're hormonal. But...' AGGGGGGHHH!!!!

Good luck with everything and here's to online supermarket shops, big casserole pots and freezers... oh and mumsnet for a whinge!

He may not do more once baby has arrived Neuroticlady! Mine certainly didn't. He only took 2 days off work after each DS was born and is intending the same this time! With 2 DSs to get to school in the morning I am not that impressed TBH, even if he was just there for the first week to do that it would help.

Foods to freeze: Shepherds pie is fine. Curry is also quite a good one.

Casseroles are quite good too (although don't know how well they freeze) - stick some meat and veg in some gravy and stick it in a low oven for a few hours - serve with crusty bread. 10 mins prep time at the most!

No! He woke me at midnight last nght after coming home from the pub and then woke me again at 2.30 when he came to bed. Then devleoped selective deafness when DD woke at 4 am. Then sat and watched whilst I struggled to carry 2 heavy packages today. I am not only 21 weeks preg but also have a nasty cold. He even had the cheek to say "I wonder why you cant get rid of that cold!" That will be the lack of rest. . He was as bad last time and has no concept of sympathy accept when he expects it.

I am very lucky. DP has been amazingly supportive and perhaps a little over protective at times.

He works full time and I am SAHM, when he comes home from work, if I am tired he will make tea and clean out the bunny. We are selling our house, on market from Monday but he has done lots of the DIY jobs to get it ready.

He arranged a surprise baby shower for me with my best friend. I hadnt a clue. (happened last night) He wanted it to happen while he was in Japan working so I had something special happen.

We do interent shooping which helps. DP has suggested a cleaner initially when baby arrives and just before to get the house together.

He is actually being more helpful the bigger i get. Am nearly 35 weeks now so not long to go here.

I do still do the general housework and cook most meals, but i know that if i couldnt he would help. Even though I am doin the housework he will carry up the washing and hoover upstairs for me.

Mine was only supportive when i moaned! he will do anything if i ask, ask being the operative word. Both my pregnancies i did everything as normal and ist preg workd till 39 wks, this time 35. I used to lug heavy upright vacuum up the stairs and he wouldnt even notice, even if i made a big noise to draw attention to it! he is not a bad bloke but just doesnt think. if i asked him anything he would always do. i got annoyed this time cos i got terrible braxton hicks and i was still scivvying.

When it's mattered my DH has been very good which is all I can ask for.

Although your pg is full-on for you, men can opt out as it isn't happening to them. Also once the bump becomes pronounced it can bring it home to them - something morning sickness has done quite convincingly for us months ago! Hopefully dh is just using this 'quiet' time for work/himself and then be more full-on nearer the birth.

Btw, never pay for Tesco delivery, there are nearly always money off codes.

Mine was supportive the first time arround but now, at 33 weeks and having a 3 year old, hes not that supportive. He says he needs to make money for the baby also, which i do apreciate but at the same time I need pratical help around the house like you do. He told me today, in a heated row.. that i use pregnancy as an excuse! Cue me totally flipping and going bonkers! Its like it was mentioned earlier.. men can tune out of the pregnancy much more than we can.

lets hope they get better once our babies are born.

Hayleybaby - How about Lasagne, Fish Pie, Pasta bake and Curry

Or nearly cook a potato in the micro, slice it up into wedges, bake it witha drizzle of oil and serve it with a fried egg/sausages.

Or get a large slow cooker and make extra when you're cooking curry/casserole/chilli etc, you and your dh can always throw all the ingredients in together the night before, then just get it out of the fridge in the morning and turn it on so it's ready when you get home from work

Housework will always keep for w/ends when it can be done together.

Fantastic, thanks. You can freeze pasta bake? Fantastic! i love it. All brilliant ideas, thanks. I'll definately be investing in a slow cooker