Is it normal to not feel overjoyed during pregnancy?:(

[blubie]

Hello.

I feel guilty even writing this thread knowing that there's so many women who can't conceive but I feel so lonely and anxious during my pregnancy. I am 12 weeks and although I have days where I'm happy, most of the time I feel scared and sad about how my body is changing and how different my life is.

This isn't a case of do I want to keep the baby, as I definitely do, but I feel like pregnancy is made to look 100% happy in media etc so I feel bad that I am not feeling that way.

My situation is that I'm early 20s (hence why I'm feeling so alone as no one else I know is in my situation!), I do have the most amazing and supportive long term partner and he's happy to be having the baby, but I think my main stress is I have no job at the moment as I had to leave due to unfair hours etc. Getting a job at the moment is hard but I think it'll be okay as I am really trying to find one and I have a work coach to help along the way. I also have a very supportive family so no issues there, although they don't know about the pregnancy yet! Dp is in a well paying job and we were looking at moving out late this year.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I feel overwhelmed and scared, and just want someone to tell me it's okay!

Of course it is normal,understandable and ok to feel scared and trepidatious
The media portrayal of the content Pg earth goddess who calmly embraces body changes It’s not true for most folk
My hair didn’t swish, I wasn’t radiant, I was often scared and ruminating all the what ifs

I wish you well
My advice. Don’t over-plan, just go with what’s necessary & safe. Don’t fret about mode of delivery (it’s ok to have a c section )
Don’t fret about bottle or breast. Just feed your baby. Breast or bottle it doesn’t matter. Both are ok

It’s not a competition. It’s personal
What works for one mum isn’t necessarily right for you

It is A ok to feel that way. FWIW I detested being pregnant, it was utterly miserable for me, but I’d live the rest of my days as a heavily pregnant woman if I had to to keep my babies safe.

I felt like there was something wrong with me as I hated it so much, and that every other woman was an earth mother who raves about how much they loved pregnancy! What I now know is it’s not the case, some do and some don’t, and it doesn’t make you (or me) a bad mother.

It’s 100% worth it when you’ve got you baby in your arms in my experience...!

I think you’re absolutely normal, and I’d think it was a bit strange if you were 100% happy.

I’m 11 weeks, second baby, planned. In my thirties and have a house and a job, reasonable maternity pay plus savings. A nice partner and a nice toddler. Friends all have kids. Essentially a nearly ideal situation.

I’m not thrilled, not even pleased really. I think I’m too worried about coping with two and the general stressful stuff in the news to enjoy it. And I feel ill which doesn’t help, and my sleep is crap.

I expect I’ll be happier later on, it’s nicer once you feel movements etc. And you can start going to pregnancy yoga etc which is quite nice, and a chance to meet other people that are also just muddling through.

Be kind to yourself. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Try not to feel bad about it - it's completely normal. I'm 30 and currently pregnant with my first baby - and feeling all of the same things that you are! It's such a huge life change and it's normal to have negative feelings about that as well as the positive ones. It will all work out though and I'm sure that as your pregnancy progresses you will start to have more happy days than sad ones. Hope you're okay!

Hey ☺️ I am coming from a totally different place to you; mid 30's, married, good job... And I still have all the same anxieties and worries as you! I think it's totally normal. Everyone constantly asks "are you excited?" And I feel like replying "nope" 🤣 but to most people I just put on a smile and tell them what they want to hear! I'm not regretting the decision to have a baby at all, it's just so much worry, change, planning, stress! Seems overwhelming.
I will say, for me it is getting easier. Especially seeing / feeling baby moving so much, it's really nice and it's helping me bond so much. I hit 20 weeks, my bump was obvious and became quite nice to dress, and it just didn't feel like it was quite so surreal you know.
Hang in there. I'm pretty sure these little nuggets will arrive and we will be besotted. And if we're not, that's ok too, we'll figure it out! Chin up, chances are everything will be just fine xxx

Thank you everyone, all your replies made me feel so much better! I think I'm just really tired and that's a big factor in why I'm not more excited. I also keep feeling bad because I haven't been eating healthy at all! I have a 12 week scan tomorrow and I'm hoping everything is fine and maybe after that it'll feel more real to me. X

@blubie Try not to worry too much about eating healthy in the first trimester. I know that a healthy diet is important but most people I r spoken to have really struggled with that at first. I definitely have, I've had takeaway pizza more times than I care to admit over the last three weeks or so but as long as you are taking your prenatal vitamins etc then a few weeks of not so healthy eating won't harm you or baby 🤗 I felt really guilty about it at first too but now I'm just making the most of eating what I want!

it's okay

and you don't need to apologise for how you feel, your feelings are valid.

with most of my pregnancies I wasn't even thinking about the fact that I was pg because I was busy with my other kids, general hustle & bustle, everyday life stuff.

I'd often get asked "are you excited about baby?" and I'd say "ummm, not currently, I'm just trying to get the shopping done!".🤷‍♀️

I don't know what people expect of pg woman. a perpetual state of heavenly bliss & radiating with a golden shimmering glow while being surrounded by sweet cartoon birds & woodland animals?

of course it's not a joyful picnic!
it's boring, it's scary, it's frustrating. there is vomiting and pain and not sleeping and a whole bunch of stuff.
and it's all very very normal.
if anyone says otherwise they are lying through their teeth!

Despite all of that I loved being pregnant (else I wouldn't have done it over & over again).
But it's a great reflection of parenthood: occasionally lovely, mainly a hassle🤣🤣

Hi and congratulations on your pregnancy.
Just to say you are not alone currently 17weeks with my 5th and hated it. I wish i could skip it to 38-40 weeks and finish with my baby in my arms (the bit i love)

I had a very easy pregnancy but what is there to be overjoyed about? Everyone is different but you need to be a bit more realistic