Is it possible to have large family later?

[Star844]

Hi. I’m 37 in two days. I’ve always dreamed of big family but have been single most of life. Anyone out there that started big family later in life?

Wow that’s an inspiration.

In theory you can. However I have 4 and am 43... Im so knackered.

My friend has 4 boys. She started at 38 and finished at 42.

I left it fairly late. I had no.1 at 38. No. 2 at 42 but she was too poorly to be born alive. I could have gone again but we were too terrified of going through the same. I'm 45 now and still pretty fertile (well, regular periods and ovulation).

I wanted 3 in all (I'm one of 3) and I have 1. She's amazing and I embrace every day with her. Good luck with your journey x

@mellongoose - so sorry to hear about your loss. It must have been heart breaking. You're right in that we all have to be grateful for the children we have..

I had 3 birth children when 25 27 and 35. I then went into fostering and have a long term foster child and an adopted child I adopted aged 49. And there are many adopters in their fifties out there.
Actually we haven't ruled out adopting again ourselves although we are late 50s so perfectly possible if you want it badly enough.
And I don't feel any different parenting in my fifties to when I was in my 20s and 30s personally. Though I am lucky in that I dont need much sleep.

@Star844 - I'm not exactly in your situation, but.. I have 2 DS, with big age gap (7 years). We've left it for quite a long time due to lack of foresight and also, DS1 having some SEN/ learning difficulties. I am now 34 and I would love to have 4 in total. I may not be able to do it but reading so many inspirational stories, who knows..

As PPs mentioned, every woman is different and on her own journey with fertility. And it's got to be remembered as well, that many pregnancies and many attempts often come with losses.

Best of luck, OP and thank you for starting such an interesting thread.

Wow cool. Is she going to have more?

Family member had an affair, had unplanned triplets at 45/46...

@mellongoose

I left it fairly late. I had no.1 at 38. No. 2 at 42 but she was too poorly to be born alive. I could have gone again but we were too terrified of going through the same. I'm 45 now and still pretty fertile (well, regular periods and ovulation).

I wanted 3 in all (I'm one of 3) and I have 1. She's amazing and I embrace every day with her. Good luck with your journey x

This is true, lovely, sad and joyfilled alltogether, but is exactly the attitude needed for families whether of one or 10... that life is a blessing and to cherish the good no matter how short. Thats prob your top take away OP! Courtesy of mellongoose.

If you start now and you use IVF then you’ve got a just under 50% chance of having 3 children.

There’s a paper about the age you start and the likelihood of having a particular family size here: academic.oup.com/humrep/article/30/9/2215/621769

Of course Mumsnet is huge so there will be loads of people here who have bigger families starting later than that.

I just had my third and I’m 39. I do not want to be doing sleepless nights in my 40s, it’s so hard.

Would I like another? Possibly. Will I have another? No. I’m so grateful to have my amazing healthy children and don’t want to push my luck. Pregnancy is hard on the body.

@Star844

I’d love to be pregnant for a decade.

Sorry, but had to laugh at that. Large families yes, but pregnancy is the biggest downside :) You'll be missing your periods I promise! I've not eaten properly for 5 days, can't stop vomiting, and have a stonking migraine.

Generally, I used a sperm donor and I'm single. Had my DD last year aged 38 and currently in early stages with DC2 due around the time of my 40th birthday. Ideally I would like 4, but think I will probably leave it at 3 - being a single mum is hard and expensive too! If I was 5 years younger I'd have a bigger gap and more, but don't want to be having babies in my mid-40s. (I had masses of eggs frozen in my early 30s so my chances of pregnancy in late 40s are high - but it doesn't appeal!)

I would really recommend you have an AMH test done. They cost about a hundred pounds; it's just a blood test you do on the first day of your period but it will give you an idea of your fertility levels and how much time you are likely to have. You can then assess your options better in terms of whether egg freezing (which is expensive and time consuming) is right for you, and more generally just know what your likely chances are.

Also, when are you thinking of starting? If you want 3 or more then I do think you should start fairly soon. Even if you can get pregnant at 45 and cope with a baby then (and the media is way too full of the celebs who've managed this, and not the majority who don't), for me what puts me off is having a 10 year old at 55 and a 20 year old at 65. Children take longer to grow up these days, and I've got a gap year planned for when I'm 65 so they can't be too young then!
I love my DD beyond anything else, and want more, but I'm already looking forward to sending my youngest off to uni and having my life back for at least a few years before I'm totally gaga.

Think it depends on you, your partner, the gap you want in between, if you’d consider ivf (and if you’d be able to self fund ivf) or even adoption to have a big family.

What do you consider a big family? My mother had me at 35 and my brother at 39, there was just the two of us. So it’s perfectly possible to conceive several children later in life. A lot of the info and studies about women’s fertility falling off a cliff at 35 is quite outdated (I listened to a podcast on it, was fascinating but If I recall correctly that info is actually based off a 300 year old study) but of course it’s individual, and people can struggle at any age.

You could get your AMH tested to check your ovarian reserve, that will give you an indication of how you sit. It’s about £150 to get tested privately.

I had my first ICSI baby at 37, nearly 38 and naturally conceived twins at 41. All babies healthy. Some minor issues in pregnancies but nothing serious. I’m done now though, not planning any more.

It is tiring- but I don’t know any different having had my children older.

So yes, it is possible, but probably best to get started now if you’re in your late 30s.

@Star844

I was just dreaming of having three sets of triplets. That’s defo speed things up. But no they don’t run in my family.

That would be carnage.

I hope you get what you want, but bear in mind that what you want might actually change as you go along. Babies and toddlers are serious work. You might find your idea of a perfect family evolves as you go.

I’m not in quite the same position as I started when I was 27. I had 3 children with my husband at the time. The third being when I was 32.

However I then met my current partner who has no children and we started ttc when I was 37. Over the course of 16 months we had 4 miscarriages and I’m now currently 29 weeks pregnant with my fourth baby.

So for me, being 37 didn’t seem to affect my fertility as I fell pregnant extremely easily, but having never experienced a miscarriage in my younger years of trying, I do think the quality of my eggs affected trying later on.

Good luck!

It's possible but generally not by "natural" means ie without some form of IVF?

The director of Create fertility said if you wanted to have one child then best to start trying by age 28 and if you wanted 2 or more it would need to be more like age 23?

That being said I know lots of people who had several babies in quick succession in their late 30s but you can't rely on that being you?

I had my first at 32 then lost 7 and needed 5 rounds of IVF to have twins at age 38

Pregnant with #3 at 43 but I am finding it pretty gruelling this time around. Definitely feeling my age, this will be the last.