Hi,
Just joined today as I really need some advice from anybody who maybe has 4 children or who has been in similar situation.
Have three young kids (under 6) and just found out I’m pregnant with number 4. After baby 3 husband was adamant he didn’t want any more. It took a year or two and I thought I had come to terms with it (I always wanted 4) but the past few months I just had this overwhelming regret. I was literally thinking about this 4th child all the time, being ultra cautious though given his wishes. I discussed things with him and he very grudgingly agreed we could try for a few months (I’m 35) and if it happened and it made me that happy he would be ok with it.
I know now I should have seen this as a warning and quit while I was ahead. We have an amazing family and things are going so well (we are both professionals) at work etc. I only work part time but have childcare nailed (hard to do!), our house size is stretched as it is.
Our first month of ‘trying’ I was 6 days late and he was freaking out. Told me he was relieved when my period came. That was pretty much my decision made, in my head I realised then that I couldn’t make him to something just for me. The next month we were a bit ‘lax’, and he seemed happier with things. And of course, really wonderfully, I am now pregnant.
He is not, however, coping well with this. He assured me when I told him that if I was happy he was happy but he has been waking at night worrying about all the sleepless nights, how we will need a bigger house and our childcare will be messed up, he just doesn’t seem happy at all. Every little thing is stressing him out.
I feel awful. If I could go back in time I would have said no, and tried to move on. It’s easier for me to live with regret than him to have to live in regret. I am so down about this, I should have foreseen it but he was so adamant we should try and if it happened he would be ok with it, he would grow to accept things and whatever happened he would love the baby with all his heart. I just don’t see that happening now reality is here and I don’t know what to do.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for, just to vent. I am really down and have nobody to talk to about this, my family and his will know I’ve ‘pushed’ him into this (although in my defence, it takes two to make a baby, it’s not like I forced myself on him)
For what it’s worth if he was on board I would be over the moon, I know what a special blessing we have here, how amazing this wee one will be to complete our family and I know we can manage. But right now I can’t see any of this because I’m so worried I have ruined his life for the next few years.