OK so now I'm pregnant...hello anxiety...help

[Vixlou89]

Hello ladies!!

So I have 2 children already (13 and 11) from an abusive relationship.
We've been a little tripod for 10 yrs.
I didnt get the mushy pregnancies of cute scan appointments.
For god sake my ex wouldn't even visit us in hospital because football was on and flirted with the midwife lol

Anyway I thought I was shut up.
Then I met my current OH 2 years ago.
Hes perfect taken on my 2 and is just so lovely.
I feel no fear in this relationship and its amazing
We decided to ttc as he has no kids and he's almost 35 and I'm almost 33.
Plus I have endometriosis.
I had the coil in for 10 years and it's been out 2 months.

I did a test last night because I was 2 days late and was feeling sick.
To my absolute surprise I'm pregnant!
I was so happy!!
We're going away as a family on holiday (uk) next week so I've decided to surprise my partner then and the kids after my scan.

But all of a sudden its like it feels very real if that makes sense.
My symptoms are stronger and I'm starting to panic about being a new mum again and worrying about silly things like getting bigger (my ex used to make a point of telling me how fat I was) I know my OH wouldn't ever do that.
I just feel so anxious its been so long since my last pregnant it all seems so brand new.

Please tell me this anxiety I normal?
Maybe it's because I'm the only one that knows.

So sorry its long!

I would wonder at someone not being anxious. I was worried about not loving my baby and being a rubbish mum. It's such a big life changer, add hormones, add a previous abusive relationship and of course it's totally normal to feel anxious.

If it feels too much, then you need to see your GP. I would say tell your partner now. You should not have to feel alone in this and he sounds like the sort of man who will reassure you.

and congratulations!

Aww this is so nice that you’re going to tell him next week 😊 I’m just a very anxious person anyway but my biggest fear on earth is being pregnant yet here I am at 34 weeks. I actually really like it and haven’t found it at all bad! I don’t seem to care about the fact I’ve nearly put on 3 stone 🤣 A lot of that is down to the nice moments where my partner speaks to the baby and kisses my belly, especially the bigger it gets. It sounds like your other half will be over the moon (and your kids too). It’s easy to say but take it in small steps. Focus on telling him, then the scan, then telling the kids, then deciding if you’re finding out the gender, then the next scan, then the name. I found by the time I got to 20 weeks it’s just flown in, before that I was constantly worrying and couldn’t let myself be excited when other people were. You will be absolutely fine ☺️ How are you going to tell him?

@SummerHouse

I would wonder at someone not being anxious. I was worried about not loving my baby and being a rubbish mum. It's such a big life changer, add hormones, add a previous abusive relationship and of course it's totally normal to feel anxious.

If it feels too much, then you need to see your GP. I would say tell your partner now. You should not have to feel alone in this and he sounds like the sort of man who will reassure you.

and congratulations!

@SummerHouse awwww thank you for your reply!! I think maybe nervous is more accurate than anxious tbh once I tell him he will support me no end he's good at that. Its just so daunting I didn't think we would get to this point as crazy as that sounds! Thank you again x

@sarah13xx

Aww this is so nice that you’re going to tell him next week 😊 I’m just a very anxious person anyway but my biggest fear on earth is being pregnant yet here I am at 34 weeks. I actually really like it and haven’t found it at all bad! I don’t seem to care about the fact I’ve nearly put on 3 stone 🤣 A lot of that is down to the nice moments where my partner speaks to the baby and kisses my belly, especially the bigger it gets. It sounds like your other half will be over the moon (and your kids too). It’s easy to say but take it in small steps. Focus on telling him, then the scan, then telling the kids, then deciding if you’re finding out the gender, then the next scan, then the name. I found by the time I got to 20 weeks it’s just flown in, before that I was constantly worrying and couldn’t let myself be excited when other people were. You will be absolutely fine ☺️ How are you going to tell him?

@sarah13xx yeah im a worrier too! I guess we're really strong us women in just cracking on!! I like the idea of like thinking of it as stepping stones that makes things feel a bit easier! It's so reassuring someone understanding thank you so much. We're going to Cornwall and we stay in this place with a beautiful cliff the sea is crystal clear. I'm a photographer so I plan on pretending to take a photo of him and ask him if he's happy (it's our fave place) and when he says yes... say "do you want to be happier you're going to be a daddy" and show the test all the while recording it haha I'm excited to tell him but kind of feel guilty that I know and he doesn't lol I dont know how much more I can hide the sickness and tiredness haha x

Congratulations, I think once you’ve shared the news with your partner you’ll feel a lot more at ease. As you’re the only one who knows it makes the news much more magnified I think. Then after that just take a day at a time as thinking too far ahead can make the anxiety worse. Don’t fret about things like weight etc as your body will be doing an incredible thing growing a life inside of it and you need to be kind to yourself and love yourself throughout this journey. I wish you and your family all the best x

@Vixlou89 aw bless you, hopefully that will end soon! That will be so lovely 😭

@FurryMcFlurry awwww thank you, I know its really silly to be worrying about daft things like weight and honestly I feel so blessed that through having endo and being on the coil so long I've been lucky to be pregnant so quickly. It's just old scars I guess.
I cant wait to tell him and be able to share it :) x

@sarah13xx I honestly can't wait to tell him it's all so new for him ❤

Congrats.

Very exciting times for you. My friend has an 11 year gap between her 2. One thing that surprised her was them treating her as a first time mum. They said that because it was over 10 years since her last pregnancy she would have all the checks / appointments first timers get.

Don't get worried if they do similar with you.

I think it’s pretty normal to be an anxious wreck!

Look at this way, you’ve raised two wonderful children despite having an unsupportive, abusive, absent partner. Imagine how much easier it’s going to be with someone who deserves you and this baby. You’re going to feel so much supported emotionally. He’ll share more of the responsibilities. I worry about getting big too but hey… that’s part of it! You’ll get back to shape/fitness level you like. It could be really lovey to take your older two kiddos for walks with you and the baby- a bit of bonding time.

@ChaiTRex

I think it’s pretty normal to be an anxious wreck!

Look at this way, you’ve raised two wonderful children despite having an unsupportive, abusive, absent partner. Imagine how much easier it’s going to be with someone who deserves you and this baby. You’re going to feel so much supported emotionally. He’ll share more of the responsibilities. I worry about getting big too but hey… that’s part of it! You’ll get back to shape/fitness level you like. It could be really lovey to take your older two kiddos for walks with you and the baby- a bit of bonding time.

@chaiTRex awwwww you've made my eyes go all watery!! 🥲 what a lovely message thank you! Your comment has really helped. I really can't wait to tell him only 3 more days lol x

It's not unusual to feel anxious and generally uncertain in early pregnancy but it won't be long before you are feeling 'mumsy'.

Congratulations!