Terrified of child birth

[Cece2021]

Hi, I’m a young female (18) and pregnant with my first, I have terrible anxiety issues and they stemmed from being an ill child and having a negative past, I keep having terrifying dreams of things going wrong or being forced to have the baby a way I don’t want, I did childcare for 3 years I knew where a baby would have to come from and what it would look like…

I just feel as though my opinion is being selfish as I chose this but at the same time I’ve learnt so much I wasn’t told and I’ve had such a terrible ill pregnancy, I would love to know if anyone else felt the same or is feeling the same

Read “positive birth book” by milli hill - it’ll help you feel more in control x

@FluffMagnet I’m sorry you’re dealing with these emotions too, I didn’t realise how many others do deal with them, I hope it gets easier for you as I hope it does for me, I wish you the best x

@BirdsandBeesmakinghay My grandmothers have both on multiple occasions told me stories about people “too proud to push” and I don’t want to be put into that catergory by them, it upset me hearing that so much knowing I’ve always been deathly afraid of birth x

@chaosrabbitland I’ve been trying not to ask people about their labours as I don’t want to get a fixed way it should happen into my head or upset myself if I can’t that way, I also have quite a small frame and that has made me worry more in a way, thank you for listing different options if I’m not exactly referred or recommended the birth I want I will definitely look into those alternatives x

@bowerino thank you, I will look into hypnobirthing, I just feel as though I’ll never be able to look back on the birth in a positive light, is there any chance hypnobirthing goes over the topic of how to love the natural thing your body is doing and not hate every second because I can’t even think about it without being ill and depressed

@MM1993 I’m really happy to hear your feeling better and more excited now the time is getting closer, I hope that will happen to me too 😅 x

@Wink182 I was going to ask for some book or website recommendations, thank you x

I put off having children for this reason OP. I suffered from vaginismus and was terrified of having a vaginal birth and put it off until my late 30s. I felt very alone and embarrassed and never admitted my reason for remaining childless.
I spoke to my GP and she said I could request a c section. I became pregnant and they referred me to a psychiatrist to talk through my feelings.
She talked me into giving birth vaginally. I did go into labour and had an epidural early on. The baby was in the wrong position, so I did end up having a c section.
I coped brilliantly and recovered very quickly and I'd have liked more children, but it wasn't to be.

I'm 32 and 21 weeks and I'm honestly bricking it about giving birth 😅😅 I live in a country where you can't just ask for a c section. But I keep telling myself it will be fine and I'm well able to speak up for myself.

@Didiusfalco I hate how glossed over everything is, I think if a lot of people knew everything that happened some people actually would opt to never have children, all flags look white behind rose coloured glasses and that’s definitely how pregnancy has been for me, I thought I had the knowledge and that would be enough but this has been terrible, sickness to the point of losing a stone not gaining, I had kidney issues, I’ve had to have water and iron transfusions so often, I’m more scared I’m going to be too weak for my birth

I really recommend you see someone who offers hypnobirthing . It will make a huge difference.

@Cece2021 I have felt a bit silly every time I’ve had to say it, mainly to the midwives. When I actually got to speak to the consultant she was much more understanding and didn’t really question my reasons. The midwives just kind of sighed and tried to talk me into hypnobirthing every time I mentioned it but by my 22 week appointment I was just really firm and said I wouldn’t even consider going on the hypnobirthing course. Due to covid the course is online and isn’t run as often so I felt by the time they’d made me wait on that I would be past 30 weeks and it would be too late to start getting referred to a consultant. I’m really glad I was firm with them. When the midwife I had that day realised how serious I was she actually encouraged me and told me to stick to my guns if they told me no (which they didn’t). Use anxiety/mental health as your reason. I argued I would most definitely suffer from post natal depression if I was somehow forced to give birth vaginally and felt not bonding with my baby would be a much more significant risk than a lot of the risks listed for a section. Good luck whatever you decide to do

Hi again OP
In your position I would absolutely press for an elective section and not take no for an answer.

Also, I am glad it worked out for some of you but a hypnobirthing course is not always effective - I speak from personal experience but am trying to keep the thread light for the OP.

@ButYouJustPointedToAIIOfMe

Also, I am glad it worked out for some of you but a hypnobirthing course is not always effective - I speak from personal experience but am trying to keep the thread light for the OP.

Have to agree with this.

I haven’t ever seen a birth video, OBEM etc - I physically couldn’t watch them. I had to push really hard to get an ELCS booked despite the fact I was consultant led, having twins, counselling etc. I ended up needing an EMCS at 35 weeks though.

People tend to think that being understandably fearful of birth and having tokophobia are the same thing - they aren’t. People also seem to think it’s about the pain - for me it was nothing to do with that, but related to previous abuse and some traumatic prior treatment. I knew it would hurt whatever I did. I’m very glad I had the caesarean.

You may be able to overcome your fear with hypnobirthing and counselling but you may not. Either way of giving birth is valid, both come with risks and issues.

Due to some issues with my caesarean I won’t be having any more babies which is sad but it’s amazing I had any at all!

@Notafootballfan I understand feeling embarrassed when you feel as though your body can’t perform to a certain “normal” standard, for years I didn’t tell my doctor about the issues with my sex life because I believed it was normal to be in pain and thought it just wasn’t nice for women which scared me 10 x more for birth, I’m so happy you were able to have your baby in the best way for you 💐

@SinkGirl I feel the same I don’t mind having to go through pain because either way it’s going to be painful, but the actual process and the fact I can’t see my mental state recovering after, I’m already depressed about giving birth and I haven’t given birth and I’ve always had issues in the hospital where they just kind of let you suffer, I had terrible ovary issues due to my pcos and they just let me sit there in hospital for 4 days and kept telling me each day they were going to do surgery, they didn’t till the 4th day and that’s only one mistreatment 😅 so I understand completely x

@romdowa sorry your in a country where you can’t just opt, a lot of women in this thread have talked about hypnobirthing, it’s something I’m still going to look into, perhaps having more control over the birth will ease your mind into it

Ask for a c section OP. They can’t refuse. I hope you get lots of support and good luck.

@ButYouJustPointedToAIIOfMe
Hi again, thank you by the way after reading this thread and trying to get back to everyone I’ve booked an appointment to speak to a specialist about opting for c section, and about how my health is to go through that and baby 💐x

@sarah13xx I hope the consultant I’ve contacted is on my side and doesn’t make me feel silly, I had midwives do the same just kinda sigh and say about perineal massage, that was my main issue that you can’t actually meet the person in person it’s more online support or classes, I know what I want I just want to be allowed what I want really