Advice to support

[Jmbrown415]

Hello all,

I thought this place would be a good start as I have read many comments and helpful posts here.

My wife to be is 11 weeks and 3 days today. We have a scan later today along with NIPT. We have had scans at 6 weeks and also 7+6, they have been normal and reassuring .

Last October we had a miscarriage, this was our first attempt at conceiving. Following a scan at 7+3 the diagnosis was rather bleak so it was expected as the gestational scan was around 5 weeks in size and had stopped developing. The miscarriage occurred around 3 days later.

My partner is a doctor, 38, and quite frankly an incredible individual. I want to support her during this time as much as I can. My question is, What helped anyone here with anxiety? anything specific that maybe your partners did that helped? or anyone else?

I proposed to my partner last August, prior to even knowing about fertility etc as we conceived 21/8 first time around. There is a slight age gap between us and I think this has always played on her mind.

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.

I dont have any advice to help with the anxiety unfortunately, hopefully after having the scans and then beginning to feel movements she will feel reassured. BUT the fact that you are here writing this lovely post tells me that you are already providing her with more support than you know, just being there for her. Best of luck to the both of you.

thanks! Scan all good at 12 weeks and NIPT has come back all low probability! We are having a girl in Jan 22 :)

As someone who went through 2 mc before my last healthy pregnancy -

I asked my partner not to look to far into the future. We didn't do any baby prep until I was closer to 25 weeks.

I could be very anxious but just wanted my partner to be positive and rational - so each week you get through is a good sign.

I am sure now you have got through 12 weeks she already feels much better but it's a long wait till 20 weeks - maybe have some nice things planned in to break up the long wait

I’m sorry for your previous loss, congratulations on your little girl! I suppose your partner might also be feeling more anxious being medical so she knows ‘all the things that can go wrong’, in some ways ignorance is bliss.

Now that you’ve got your low risk NIPT, how is she feeling in general? Still anxious?

I had really bad anxiety in first pregnancy, distraction can be a powerful tool in anxiety management. So if she has any hobbies, fave things to talk about, movies, books or frankly anything that would distract from worry, you could suggest that when you notice her start to spiral.

If the anxiety is becoming a discernable problem she could ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team in your area for a few anxiety management strategies and maybe someone to talk over the worries with xx

Ignorance I think is bliss. Although she is a neurologist so focuses more on the brain! :-)

Yes I think less anxious after the NIPT.

We had a 13 weeks scan which was our dating scan with the nhs which also is normal.

I think the NIPT helped as we have a friend who went through an edwards diagnosis at 20 weeks recently so it is just a little bit more reassuring to exclude.

I think planning after 20/25 weeks maybe a better way to go , it feels quite far away but time flies.

Also she has started pregnancy Pilates so she meets other mums to be locally, she likes yoga so that also helps with taking her mind off things.