Giving birth alone

[Islandblues]

I’m due in 12 days and have a 2 year old. The plan was for my Mum to take her as soon as I went into labour. However, my brother (who lives with parents) has just tested positive for Covid and so they will all have to isolate for 10 days. This means my 2yr old will have to stay with DH. His family live 5 hours away and I don’t have any close friends I could ask. My first birth wasn’t the easiest and I ended up with some interventions. Has anyone has a second birth alone and it was a positive. 38 weeks pregnant and stressed and scared now.

Well I gave birth alone , my Husband was overseas and Family quite a distance away , it was a couple of decades ago now . You will just get on with the job , because that is what you have to do . It was positive in that Baby and I were both well and healthy . You will be fine .😘

Thanks @plinkplinkfizzer I like to think I’m usually quite pragmatic but having had complications with my first I’m more nervous this time round. Maybe I have time to psych myself up for it it’s just been a shock today

I had an horrific first Labour. DH hated it and was very nervous second time around. I didn’t phone him when I went into Labour. Baby was born so quickly and easily it was a shame he wasn’t there.

I might be in a similar situation (minus the covid, hopefully). Would you consider hiring a doula? It’s something I’m thinking about rather than being alone

Yes, me! Very similar scenario to you. Husband got a cough 2 days before I went into labour. No one else close by to act as birth partner. My first birth had been difficult, induced, back to back, with intervention.

I was nervous beforehand but I knew my nan had given birth alone, so thought about her. Once contractions were really going, I just had my music on, focused on my breathing got a midwife to hook up my TENS and rocked like mad on that birth ball! I knew more what to expect, was able to trust and listen to my body better. Delivery was natural, calm and the midwifes took extra good care of me as I was alone.

@plinkplinkfizzer

Well I gave birth alone , my Husband was overseas and Family quite a distance away , it was a couple of decades ago now . You will just get on with the job , because that is what you have to do . It was positive in that Baby and I were both well and healthy . You will be fine .😘

Me too and yes you will be fine

You can absolutely do this. I have found staff to be very supportive and kind and even more so if you are on your own. I had a difficult first birth. Second was easy. There's also still a chance they will be out of isolation. Just get mentally prepared and think positive. You are not alone. Not really. Everyone who loves you will be on your team and rooting for you. If you have to go alone, they, and you, will be incredibly proud. Good luck mama! You will be amazing. It will go smoothly. You will deserve to be worshipped and waited upon for months to follow.

Does she go to nursery? If so, it might be worth asking if any of the staff do babysitting outside of hours and would be happy to be on call. The worst they can say is no, but that just might be a solution if you don’t have anyone else.

Fingers crossed you go to your due date and parents are out of isolation by then!

Not exactly the same, so apologies, but I did the entire labour alone due to Covid (I was admitted due to waters going and couldn’t be examined as it was an infection risk).

Husband made it with a few minutes to spare, but I was prepared to just have the midwife. I held her hand and thought, ok, it’s you and me and that’s ok… and I know it would’ve been!

Best of luck. You can do this!
(By the way, with baby #2, we had no family at all nearby, and our neighbour, who we didn’t know all that well tbh looked after our eldest while I was having the baby, so it’s worthwhile asking someone you know even vaguely!)

OP much as it would be preferable to have your DH there for support, in the grand scheme of births he can’t really contribute much. This is all about you. You’ve got this OP, whatever happens.

(Said by someone who barely registered OHs presence through a very difficult birth, he was perfectly fine, not annoying or anything but didn’t really do much!).

Similar to a PP my DH only made it for last ten mins of second birth, I would have been absolutely fine without him.

Did induction and all of labour alone in my little bay almost a year ago. It was actually better than having someone there getting in the way! I just retreated into myself, got in the zone, had my music on and paced my little cubicle. Napped between contractions if you can believe it!

First birth was traumatic too but second was a walk in the park in comparison. Good luck op

My preference would be to do it alone. My husband was not helpful, I love him but he's well out of his comfort zone. You can do it

When you go in op it might be nice to create a new thread for morale support.

by close friends do you mean strength of relationship or physical distance?

I'd ask friends you feel are not close to you emotionally, because you never know who might just be able to help you out.

I have an acquaintance, I'd describe our relationship as friendly, could call her a friend but certainly not a close one.
she asked me if I could possibly be plan B for transport to hospital when she went into labour. she said obv if I wasn't free then she'd get a taxi but she felt safer with someone she knew.
I said yes of course, I told her she could call me day or night, I'll do my best.

on the day not only did I drive her, her husband and toddler to hospital, I went in with them and then was invited to be 2nd birthing partner.
we look similar and are both Hungarians so midwife assumed I was the sister and so she didn't correct it and said yes of course🤣
so I went with the flow, sat on the floor entertaining her tot while she was in labour and saw her baby being born!
I also translated for her when she was getting confused (I was pg with 4th so was familiar with the lingo)

so yeah, just ask around, you never know who might come through for you

Not a personal experience but I read an interesting article by a consultant stating that many many years ago when it was traditional for fathers to not be at the birth there were far less complications compared to births since the father has attended.
I know it’s not out of choice however it may help to focus on the positives of the situation?

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/18/men-birth-labour-baby

I'm having a section but I don't think I could stand to have DH there if I had to labour. Ever seen the men on one born every minute - useless at best! Having said that you might not even go before your due date so your original plan might still go ahead OP?

I gave birth alone to both of mine.It was 51 and 49 years ago now when fathers were just becoming to be accepted at births but very few did.Among the ones who refused was my DH.
Both were very difficult births and needed EMCS.As husbands or partners were not allowed in the theatres then it would have made no difference even if he had been willing
I am still here and I think sane.
A lot can happen in two weeks so you may get your DH husband there.

Not me but my sister gave birth alone last year. The midwives didn't believe she was in established labour and wouldn't ring her OH (he couldn't be with her until then due to covid) she said it was tough because she didn't expect to be alone but her body knew what to do and she focused on getting baby out because that's all she could do. You can definitely do this, and I wish you the best of luck xx

I've done it! same as you, we had to take our DS to grandmother, it took long time, I ended up going to hospital alone.

Once there, things progressed incredibly quickly and my DP didn't make it in time even though he intended to be there..!

The midwives were amazing though, I didn't even notice not having my DP with me tbh. You'll be fine. You've done it before. Fingers crossed it should be easier and quicker.

All the best, OP xx

But you won't be alone! You'll have trained people with you who will be able to support you as needed. You'll be absolutely fine!

So glad I read this as I'm 33 weeks with my second and in a similar situation, though no Covid involved. I was apprehensive at the thought of being without my DP but this week something clicked in me and I just thought, "You can absolutely do this." I've started to view it with a more optimistic attitude and have been listening to a hypnobirthing audiobook in preparation. My first labour was long and ended in a forceps intervention so hoping this one goes a bit more smoothly! As a PP said, in days gone by labour took place in a purely female environment and I'm actually starting to think of it as a potentially very empowering experience. Good luck!

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba That is such a lovely story

Missed your question at the end of your post OP sorry! I've had 4 births with midwives only - partner in another room or outside somewhere - making himself more useful than he would be if he were with me!

All were at home but we'd decided early on he wouldn't be with me wherever I ended up. All he would have done was sit/stand there really, he would have tried to be helpful but I think it would have annoyed me. First times
he stayed in the living room watching TV and trying to work, next times took kids out to play. Last time he went outside for a chat while kids played xbox - midwife had to wander around to find him! It honestly wouldn't have mattered if he were elsewhere altogether. I had at least 2 hours alone with each baby while midwives cleaned up, did checks and paperwork etc. As an aside, I also didn't want someone I want to remain sexually appealing too watching me poo myself and possibly in need of a hose down or repairwork afterwards! (It was of little importance as a deciding factor, but I am vain...)

Midwives and maternity support staff do a brilliant job of rubbing your back/tie your hair up/bring drinks/hold your hand. If you did end up without him you will be fine, he will still have the magic moment iv meeting baby. Good luck.