Struggling second pregnancy

[Basil2021]

Hi everyone, just posting for some advice really. Am midway through second trimester with dc2. DC2 is much wanted, but I am absolutely terrified of giving birth again. DC1 was induced at 40+13, arrived at 40+15 after every intervention going, including a not massively effective epidural and forceps. I did go through my notes with my midwife afterwards but I didn't find it massively helpful. I did NCT and hypnobirthing and all that jazz, but it had pretty much no impact.

So I'm really worried that DC2 is going to be very late as well. I just don't have any trust in my body at all, I don't think it knows how to go into labour, which I know sounds silly but I just don't believe it does.
After DC1 I also had a nightmare breastfeeding and ended up spending hours on the pump at all hours of the day and night, which did nothing for my mental health. I ended up with PTSD, PND and was on antidepressants for a year, and saw a therapist. The ADs and the therapy were helpful.

However now I can feel it all coming back again. I am beginning to feel very edgy, very distracted. I can feel that I am not looking after myself very well (far too much time mindlessly scrolling online and eating badly) which for me are symptoms that I'm not happy. I'm worried that the panic attacks are going to start coming back, and I am also so scared that when I inevitably go past my due date, I'll start feeling incredibly depressed.

I cried through my last midwife appointment and she has suggested I could go for an ELCS, which I will discuss with the consultant. However part of me feels, if I do go for an ELCS, then what was the point of going through that nightmare first time around? I may as well have had a c-section then as well.

I don't think I'll get as stressed about bfing this time - if it doesn't work, so be it. However I am so worried about everything else. Does anyone have any positive second birth stories? Second induction stories? Any advice generally on looking after mh in pregnancy? My first pregnancy I was just so happy and, looking back, very naive!

However part of me feels, if I do go for an ELCS, then what was the point of going through that nightmare first time around? I may as well have had a c-section then as well.

I'm so sorry you had such an awful first experience, but your line of thinking is not helping you. What happened then is done and you can't change it. What you do now has no bearing on the past, so do what you think is best for the present. The only thing that matters is your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your baby. If a c section will unburden you from excessive stress and anxiety, then that's exactly what you need to choose.

Hi, not my experience but my sister had a similarly epic and traumatic first birth ending in an emergency c-section. For her second she had an elective c-section and still talks about it really positively 12 years on. She slept the night before in her own bed, had a nice takeaway then woke up, went to the hospital for 7.30 and baby was in her arms for 8am. Obviously there are loads of different ways for babies to arrive in the world and whatever you choose is totally fine. I just wanted to share that an elective c-section, for her, was hugely calming after a really rough ride first time round with pre-eclampsia, breast feeding nightmare etc and she was much happier second time round feeling more in control. Incidentally she also bottlefed from the start second time and again, much much happier. Both children grown into lovely, clever teens now.
Good luck and I think you definitely need to ease up and be kind to yourself, x

So sorry your first experience wasn't the best
However, it's true that no two births are the same, so premature worrying about what could be is definitely causing you unnecessary stress.
There is no shame in an elective, it puts you in a relaxed controlled situation, you'll know the when the where and the how. It would also likely eliminate any ptsd this time round.
It's definitely something I'd discuss with the consultant at the earliest possibility, the last weeks of your pregnancy could then be time to relax, enjoy your last few weeks as a mum of one and rest without the worries