Just found out I'm pregnant but DH does not want to keep the baby

[bubblegumunicorn]

We've had a really weird month where a day before we moved house the purchase fell through this left us moving everything in to storage and in the haste my DH accidentally let all of our condom go off on the back of the moving van. Fast forward 3 weeks and I'm now pregnant we're in our new home so that's one thing but this was definitely not planned! The house is a fixer upper so we wanted a few months to get everything sorted and didn't really want to have to take time off work with such big financial commitments! Anyway I just feel numb I know I can't terminate as it just doesn't feel right to me but all me and DH have done since yesterday is cry! It definitely feels different than when we found out about our DD 2.5 years ago! I'm really struggling as I know DH doesn't want to continue but I also know if I terminate then I will never forgive him and it will probably end our relationship I just feel like we're in a loose loose situation and need some real advice from people who've been there! (I'll add that DH has been nothing but nice about the situation but he's made it clear what he wants but Will stick by me whatever I decide) if you've made it this far thank you!

If you don’t want to terminate and do want a baby then you’ll find a way to make it work.

You didn’t magically get pregnant or do it by yourself. The two of you had unprotected sex when I’m sure you could have managed to buy more condoms or abstain till you could get to a shop.

He might not be happy bit he can’t be that surprised.

Maybe some counselling would help you discuss things properly.

The timing may not be great for the house move, but in terms of the age of your DD it seems perfect. Is he a good dad normally? My bet is he will come round.

@Frenchfancy

The timing may not be great for the house move, but in terms of the age of your DD it seems perfect. Is he a good dad normally? My bet is he will come round.

He is a great dad I'm hoping he will come round I'm not so sure I'm definitely thinking counselling would help too as I just know that keeping this baby is the only option for me!

We’ve been there. We couldn’t see how we could make it work and DH in particular was very sad about it, though supportive of whatever I wanted to do. We kept the baby. So, so glad we did. He’s gorgeous, ha absolutely completed the family. We didn’t get our heads round it till about 20 weeks though!

He'll come round but you won't if you don't want to terminate and feel pushed into it.

I had the opposite, felt pushed in to continuing pregnancy and still haven't forgiven him if I'm honest.

It really is up to the mother in this circumstance.

It's hard, but all you can do is talk it through and agree how you'll tackle this together.

But... was it really not possible to buy more condoms? They're not exactly gold dust. You're both adults. You're both familiar with the potential consequences of unprotected sex.

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

It's hard, but all you can do is talk it through and agree how you'll tackle this together.

But... was it really not possible to buy more condoms? They're not exactly gold dust. You're both adults. You're both familiar with the potential consequences of unprotected sex.

It totally was! It was literally the first morning at my mums and he just decided to risk it I have been asking him to try again for a while so he knew then that I wanted another baby he clearly wasn't okay to accept the consequences I think that's what's making this worse really!

He needs to grow up and accept the consequences of "deciding to just risk it" then. Even teenagers have this stuff drummed into them.

It's your body, your choice, as to whether a termination would be on the cards or not, and he knew that when he took the risk.

Is this something he's likely to resent and try to hold over you in future? Because that would be pretty shit if so.

What are his reasons for wanting to terminate? If it's financial then offer to go back to work early - put a case together to how you will pay for this baby together

Obviously your body your choice etc etc but at the end of the day he is likely going to have to carry the financial burden alone so if he is having to make sacrifices then so should you to ease the impact the baby will have....

And by sacrifice I mean a financial one

I don’t understand why he doesn’t want the baby, you’ve got a perfect age gap and so what if the house is a doer upper? I couldn't terminate unless the relationship was on the rocks.. is it?
If it’s just a case of timing then I’d just go ahead with the baby, things aren’t always perfect timing

@ivfgottwins

What are his reasons for wanting to terminate? If it's financial then offer to go back to work early - put a case together to how you will pay for this baby together

Obviously your body your choice etc etc but at the end of the day he is likely going to have to carry the financial burden alone so if he is having to make sacrifices then so should you to ease the impact the baby will have....

Honestly it's not even financial we're in the best financial position we've ever been in and his job means that by the time this baby was born he would have had a pay rise. So definitely not down to money I can't figure out his reasons for it I've really been trying over the last 48 hours!

@DGFB

I don’t understand why he doesn’t want the baby, you’ve got a perfect age gap and so what if the house is a doer upper? I couldn't terminate unless the relationship was on the rocks.. is it? If it’s just a case of timing then I’d just go ahead with the baby, things aren’t always perfect timing

I don't understand either it's some thing along the lines of wanting to be happy when I told him and it actually being planned what's really messing me up is he keeps saying he will be ready in a few months I just don't get why June is bad but September will be fine I'm struggling to see where he is coming from at all!

Did he want your help doing up the house and now you won't be able to do as much? But then you have a child so someone would of needed to be supervising her anyway. And congratulations !!