Scared to get excited

[JackJack84]

Having a bit of an emotional day today. I spoke to my MIL for the first time since I found out I was expecting (I'm 18 weeks now) She's super excited & was showing me all of the things she's bought for the baby. It just made me feel
so sick & anxious I wanted to cry.

This is a much longed for baby, I'm 37 & been TTC for 10 years. My first pg ended in a ruptured ectopic & my second was a miscarriage at 7 weeks. I just can't imagine that I'll actually have a baby by the end of the year. All of my scans have been fine & I felt my first movements this weekend but I just can't shake the feeling that something will go wrong.

I very much want to get excited & start planning but I just can't. I haven't bought a thing for the baby yet as I'm worried it'll just be a waste. I hate how pregnancy after loss takes the shine away & just wish I could relax & enjoy it. When people at work ask about my pregnancy I don't even feel comfortable talking about it.

I don't have much of a bump yet so I'm hoping when it starts growing it'll feel more real. I have my 20 week scan next Friday which I'm looking forward to but also anxious about. Has anyone else felt like this? x

I have felt exactly this. Also after losses inc ruptured ectopic.

Got married at 18 weeks and worried (in my head, never admitted this before) about wearing white for what I considered an almost inevitable wedding day mc. I was so used to The Worst happening that I couldn’t believe my luck.

I don’t have any advice because I worried throughout pregnancy and frankly, worry now he’s here and real and snoring next to me.

But I think it’s normal after such devastating fertility experiences.

I had 2 mcs before my DD was born, and I had therapy to help me with the worry and the anxiety.
I had a panic attack after my baby shower because I worried that having such a lovely day would mean I'd bring something awful upon myself and the baby.

I'm 5 weeks pg now and full of anxiety again but trying to keep in mind what the therapy taught me the first time around.

I wish I had more advice for you, but I definitely found (baby shower aside) that my worry eased as my pregnancy went on and hopefully it will for you too also, my 20 week scan signalled the first time I ever bought anything baby-related, it felt like such a milestone x

I’ve had no losses but never been pregnant before. Now 11 weeks after a successful round of IVF and half of me can’t feel excited and half doesn’t want to let myself. I think maybe when you feel the baby moving it might be more reassuring as before this you just have to wait for scans? That’s what I think might happen to me. It’s sad to feel like this when it should be a happy time. Maybe if it doesn’t improve speak to your midwife about help with anxiety? I think I might if I don’t feel better after the 12 week.

Thank you all for your responses. I'm actually meeting with the mental health team on Wednesday to discuss another issue so I will mention my anxiety, see if there's anything they could suggest. I've started using hypnobirthing techniques to try & help me relax too.