Husband taking 5 months parental leave - will be be lonely?

[CentralLondonPregnant]

Hi all, first time poster here. My husband and I are expecting our first baby at the beginning of October. We’re planning to use shared parental leave so that I can take the first six months off, then we’ll have a month off together, then my husband will have the final five months off. Our concern is that he’ll be a bit lonely as there won’t perhaps be as many dads taking leave, and the mums on maternity leave may not be as friendly to him. He’s worried he’ll feel unwelcome if he’s the only dad at “mother and baby” groups too. Can others who have taken leave this way share their experiences - are these fears founded? Are there things we can do to ensure he meets other dads on leave / are there actually plenty of mums who would be happy to hang out with him? (I know I’d be very happy to hang out with dads while I’m on leave but perhaps I’m not the norm!). Any advice or reassurance would be really welcome. We’re based in central London if that makes any difference. Thank you!

He’ll be fine! My DH took 3 months of my maternity leave very recently (1 shared plus a bit more with accrued annual leave) and he now has a regular day off a week with DS. He didn’t struggle at all at baby groups - when DS was under 1 he was a bit of a novelty and now DS more goes to ‘toddler’ age things there are quite a few dads.

He’ll also likely be really busy as well. Both are hard but he won’t have lots of open ended time like you do with a newborn. Age 8-12 months is kinda the business end of maternity leave. By the time you’ve fit in 3 meals, 2 naps, maybe a baby group and a trip to the park it’ll be the end of the day and he’ll be ready for a sleep himself 😂

My husband has been a stay at home dad for the last 2 years as I'm the main earner - he's loved it, has made some mum friends and has gone to Baby groups and felt welcome at most!

My DP did the last three months of the first year. Not lonely at all; no time to be lonely with a crawling, cruising, climbing daredevil multi-meal child. No one at baby groups batted an eye at a dad lurking wild in their midst. He also has a great bond with DD and a knackered back thanks to lots of sling naps.

With our first I went straight back to work and dad stayed at home. He was less keen on baby groups but never had any issues. We are also London and local to us he wasn't ever the only dad there.

Not at all. We shared in the same way & agree with a pp that it’s the ‘business end’ of maternity leave: even with restrictions on groups and activities, DP and DS were out and about loads.

We had dad's who came along to our baby group, along with grandparents, childminders, it's not all just mums. We made everyone feel welcome.

We are very rural here, but if you live in London, there must be loads more clubs that babies can go to, so I doubt he will be lonely and there is bound to be more dads.

Wow, thanks all for the responses! This is really reassuring to hear. We hadn’t thought of the latter months being the “business” end of parental leave, but that makes sense Really glad other dads have been welcome at baby groups. Looking forward to the baby arriving now!

Before my dd I was nanny. We had a number of dads that use to come to play group etc. I certainly always made them feel welcome and helped them feel included. There will be people around who would do the same, and they use to say they learnt a lot from the experience.
I think he will be fine, just set up some bits that you think he would like too.

There are always dads at stuff like baby swimming, tumbletots etc. Maybe less at mum and baby yoga and all the art/music baby sensory ones.

And he doesn’t need to go to groups! From 7-12 months, your baby will be active enough for walks, trips to the park, any sightseeing he has never had time for (I went to St Paul’s for the first time on mat leave), trips to record shops in the sling, etc etc. And they just like playing at home/in the garden at that age too, so just pottering about at home.

My husband had Mondays off with our baby and I sent him to classes

We also did nct and he sometimes just goes to lunch with the other women if I'm working!

There are more dads and grandmothers etc at classes than you'd think!

My DH had 6 month off with both DSs and he found the ‘activity’ groups much better than the sit and chat sort of things. So swimming, tiny talk kind of thing where it’s led by someone. He did tend to be the only bloke the majority of the time but he said he found the groups very welcoming

We had DS in north London and the NCT and similar stuff I did on maternity leave was probably one third fathers, back in 2012. Having said that, I found maternity leave miserably isolating but got through it. Would it be the worst thing in the world if your husband feels lonely?

I never did quite understand it but the men at my baby group were treated like royalty for some reason. Alot of the Mums fawned all around them like they were some kind of modern day hero's. I used to find it mildly amusing to watch.

I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine OP.

I had my first in central London and became really good friends with a dad who was a regular at the baby groups, and there were a few other blokes a round too. Sometimes it was occasional when they'd take a day off work, some were around more often. He will be fine. We'd chat about all sorts not just baby stuff etc.

@SilenceOfTheNaans

I never did quite understand it but the men at my baby group were treated like royalty for some reason. Alot of the Mums fawned all around them like they were some kind of modern day hero's. I used to find it mildly amusing to watch.

I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine OP.

My SAHF friend said similar about his early experiences at the school gates, but as he's both a fairly reserved individual and pretty well versed in the politics of 'why a woman pushing a pram is invisible and a man pushing the same pram is mildly heroic', he didn't sit about letting himelf be lionised.

Another SAHF friend in suburban Washington DC says he's treated like a leper by the local mothers.

DH had Dd1 on the days I worked. He was never the only dad at baby groups.

But I'll be honest, like a pp said, by the time he's done breakfast, lunch, (cleared that up) naps, a bit of cleaning up or making dinner for that evening, there wasn't a great deal of time left of the day! A walk and a trip to feed the ducks or to the park to go on the swings most days was about it.

Thanks everyone for all your responses! This is all very reassuring to read. Very interesting about men being treated like royalty… I’m sure he’d enjoy that. But he’s a good feminist so I don’t think he’ll let it go to his head (I’ll make sure it doesn’t in any case). Thank you!