My pregnancy has been the worst experience when it should be the best 😢

[Youngmummytobe]

Hi mums

This is going to be a long post so I hope someone takes their time to read please.

I fell pregnant 4 month after getting with my boyfriend which was really my fault in a way because I forgot to order new pill and I was too wrapped up on new partner and socialising but here I am almost 8 months pregnant.

Anyway my boyfriend had really changed since me getting pregnant he’s snappy moody he never wants to do anything with me anymore he would rather be out with he’s friends. Our baby doesn’t exist on he’s social media and I don’t for that matter! He’s never felt our baby kick and won’t even touch my belly. He’s bought everything for him but he’s just so mean if I ask him to do something with me it always turns into a argument or he will only go somewhere if it benefits him,we used to do everything together at the start!

I was in hospital a couple of weeks ago because I had pain and he wouldn’t even come with me because he had already made plans to go out I was so angry and upset. I know this baby wasn’t planned but I just wish he’d told me he didn’t want me to go through with it instead of keeping quite.

I know he’s always wanted a child when he was with he’s ex but I feel like he feels he’s having it with the wrong person ( me ) he’s turned to alcohol a lot in these last few months and what should have been the happiest time for us had been the worst and especially for me because I feel so down and he’s turned into a person I don’t even like anymore although I do love him ( if that makes sense) I’m 22 years old and he’s 32 but now I think I’ve made the worst mistake keeping the baby because of the newness from a relationship and feeling so happy, I just took he’s silence over the news as he was happy 🙈

I think he will love our son once he’s here but us a a couple I think it’s really over and he was really only with me because I was pregnant.. we had a argument 2 weeks ago and he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore and he will co parent as best as he can due to he’s work but he hasn’t spoke to me since. My head is all over I just keep waiting for a call or text to do him because we’ve had arguments before and hadn’t spoke for a few days but not 2 weeks. I’m sorry for the long message but I just need to vent as I feel like I’ve forced him into a situation he didn’t want to be in when I know he wasn’t even over he’s last relationship and now this within a the first year

Hi youngmummytobe
i am not pregnant but i could have written this 10 years ago as i was pregnant with my first baby at age 19 with DH who i had only known a few months, DH was 27. I remember feeling like this. He wanted me to have an abortion in the beginning, and i was going to be a single mum, but he came back and vowed to support us when i was 5 months pregnant. Both of us were living with our parents. He wasnt remotely interested in 'baby chat' until he felt our boy kick for the first time...he loved that, but other than that, he didnt feel very 'involved' if you see what i mean? Also my parents were not very keen on him for maybe the first year of our son's life....! Once our boy was born he was a lovely dad and still is. Its 9 years later and we are now married and had another little boy 4 years after our first was born. He adores our boys. He ditched the bad influence friends the day our son came home from hospital. ironically they are all mums and dads now so they arent interested in going out either! Good luck with everything. It goes so quick that blissful pregnancy and baby stage

Forget the "should" part altogether, focus on what is and go from there to somewhere where you want to be, while being realistic. Remember you can't control other people but you can control what you do.

He won’t even touch my belly he’s never felt him kick! He just seems more interested in everything else but me. When I mention the baby he says what baby angrily and when I say our baby he says he’s not even here yet 😢he just seems so angry towards me when I’ve done nothing wrong but I do hope things will get better once he’s here but I think it will just get better for the baby not for us as a couple. He talks like he hates me

Thank you for you’re reply and I know it’s just hard what should be the best time has turned out to be the worst

This sounds very difficult for you
At the moment you're waiting on him and his actions control your feelings. What position are you in to take control, tell him it's over (and mean it) and go it alone? That has to be better than the situation you're in.

It must be so hard going it alone.

He sounds very like my immature brother who had a baby and takes little to do with them.

I was expecting to read that he was younger ,but at 32 if he can't get his act together then it's doubtful if he'll change. I think you need to start thinking about how you'll do this on your own unfortunately.

He’s already told me 2 weeks ago he doesn’t want to be with me anymore after argument Over me wanting to do something together which led to a big argument

Sorry this is a tough time for you.
Focus on the future; think about who you’d like to have as your birth partner really carefully, as from what you’ve said he isn’t going to be supportive at that time.

It sounds like he’s wanting out of the picture, it’s really sad, but better to make a clean break and let go of what might have been.
Try and enjoy this last month for yourself. It is a lovely feeling having a little life inside you, and a new baby is just a source of joy.

Don’t be someone who can only feel happiness when it is reflected of someone else. Life’s too short and you need to show your child how to be happy for yourself.

Good luck with the birth!

Xxxxx

He sounds like a mean pig. He absolutely is not worthy of you. You can do a better job of this than you ever could if you were with him. Domestic abuse red flags all over him. You don't need that and nor does your baby. There's a national helpline on 0808 2000 247. Talk things through with them. Abuse is not just about violence. He has treated you like a piece of shit. Shame on him. Arsehole.

You can absolutely do this alone. I am sorry you have to but you will and you will be proud of yourself.

I understand that Youngmummytobe but your first post sounded as if you are still hopeful he might step up and at least be a co-parent.

I did hope things will change, I think he will be a good father but he just doesn’t want me. He’s bought everything I need for the baby I haven’t really spent a penny but he’s very distant

Honestly I wouldn't stay for the sake of the baby in the hope that things will change because they may not. What is your position if you were to go it alone, do you live alone & do you have a job? Support of friends and family?

Perhaps he may just be daunted by the prospect of having a baby so quickly into the relationship but that doesn't mean the way he is treating you is fair.

At least he's done that :) Start planning for just you and the baby. Get onto CMS when baby arrives for support, don't put his name on the birth certificate and make sure baby has your surname. If he does show commitment to the baby then he can be added to the birth certificate.

Did he know that you'd forgotten to re-order the pill?

He didn’t no. In all honesty I think he was actually going to end things before I fell pregnant, he hadn’t been single long before I met him

I live with my mum and yes I work full time and so does he, he lives with he’s mum also has he lived with he’s ex for years so he’s back at home

It's not too late to turn the pregnancy into a better time; you just have to shut him out and focus on you and your new arrival.
I have been in the almost same boat and when I texted DS father from hospital to say he had been born (I took my mum as birthing partner) he smashed his phone and didn't get it repaired for two weeks so he wouldn't have to 'deal with it'.
Whether your baby's dad wants to be with you or not at this stage needs to be put on the back burner. Your baby needs you to be fully concentrating on them . Don't miss out on the nice times by worrying about the dad.

I think you're updates say it all. The relationship is over, he probably feels trapped by this pregnancy. You are young, set him free (cut him out of your life) and make your own plans for your future with your newborn and your own family. If he wants to be part of the baby's life then make him work for it - that includes treating you with some respect and kindness. If he doesn't, then it's no skin off your nose. Let go of this horrible situation, it'll bring nothing but heartache. Look forward, plan for a future without such a malign presence spoiling the joy of a new baby.