Horrible experience of medical management of missed miscarriage

[roses21]

I have just had the worst week of my life. I was about 10 weeks pregnancy, passed a clot and had cramping last week and called my local midwives who told me I couldn't have a scan unless I was in severe pain. I decided this was bad advice so I called early pregnancy unit directly who agreed to see me and midwives grudgingly agreed to do referral. I'd had a missed miscarriage about 2 weeks before. I then had to go into hospital for medical management which was delayed by a day, very poor communication and had to keep on calling the hospital because they didn't return my calls. When I was there it took 11hrs for the misoprostal to work. I had no idea I would pass a obvious tiny fetus along with a placenta and everything else, naive I know but the nurse just talked about blood clots. It was really upsetting. I was sent on my way with no information about support and I'm still waiting to talk it through with my midwife. I had a good moan at the hospital yesterday through PALS and I got the impression they simply didn't care. I know I'm projecting my sadness and anger about my miscarriage but I'm so angry about the lack of compassion from the hospital. Anyone else had an experience like this?

I had a medical management a year ago and given the circumstances and the fact it was smack bang in the middle of the pandemic I was very well cared for and I had two bereavement midwives assigned to me who used to cal/text to check in. Maybe it differs from trust to trust or because I was well in to the second trimester I don’t know. The whole
Process is a lot to take in and mine was for the most part straightforward - drugs kicked in within about 40 minutes and it was over within the hour there’s still a lot of trauma there around it all. Go easy on yourself and make sure that all of your complaints are addressed - they owe you a duty of care and there should definitely be follow up especially if it happened at the hospital itself. For me they did the equivalent of a post mortem or something I don’t know exactly and I had follow up appointments and blood tests xxx

@roses21 I'm so sorry for your loss. 💐

I had a medically managed loss of pregnancy in the early second trimester, and the "care" I received was appalling. I ended up writing a 7 page complaint letter!

It was a horrible experience, made worse by a lack of compassion and mistakes/cut corners. Like you, I got the feeling the hospital weren't really that interested and it was so hard to fight against them. But I thought "what about the next woman or the one after her?" - I didn't want anyone else to go through what I went through. Eventually I got a response and an apology, including an acknowledgement that they will need to change certain things. So, if you feel that raising a formal complaint could help - fight the system.

Thank you Ameteurmum. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you, it is many magnitudes worse than my miscarriage. I'm glad you were well cared for and I hope you are doing ok. Yes I think I have just been unlucky. I get the impression the hospital thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and I think perhaps I am when I compare it to what other women have been through. I hadn't thought about contacting the bereavement midwife, thanks for telling me about that x

@Scirocco Thank you, I'm sorry for your loss too. I feel the same that I want the next woman to have a better experience than me. I wanted the hospital to understand that having a medically managed miscarriage is extremely stressful and them messing me around, making me wait for days for telephone calls and not fully explaining what would happen was nothing short of torture. I was quite surprised at how adeptly the gynae nurse brushed off all of my concerns, clearly she's done it before.

@roses21 don’t downplay your experience! We are all guilty of thinking the next person has had it worse but the experience is harrowing at any gestation. At the time I just felt grateful to be in hospital and not at home having to deal with it by myself. It’s the worst thing that can happen and these professionals see it everyday so should be doing better xxx

I’m so sorry for your experience, it sounds awfully traumatic. I’ve had three miscarriages two with medical management and whilst the care in the actual early pregnancy unit was good, and the staff lovely and caring, I have zero follow up. Felt very alone and only managed to get counselling by arranging it myself (via a charity called Petals). I watched a programme the other day (Hospital) that quoted a stat which is very telling - for every £1 spent on care for pregnancy, 1p is spent on miscarriage. It’s a chronically unfunded area and there simply isn’t the resource. Really wish you well on your recovery, it’s one of the most brutal experiences life can throw at you.

Precisely why I stayed at home and passed an intact feotus alone.

@30degreesandmeltinghere I was alone too when I passed my fetus. Simply the worst thing ever :-(

@FrangipanFlower Thank you, I am so sorry for your losses and I hope you are ok. I will have a look at the Petals charity. That is interesting (and heartbreaking) to hear that miscarriage care is so underfunded.

Unfortunately @roses21 yes - I have to agree. I found the service terrible. No compassion, no information provided, no time taken to explain anything. I was so shocked at the distant approach and genuinely thought everyone working in the early pregnancy unit were in the wrong job. It’s as if they’re so used to seeing miscarriage and vulnerable ladies that they have lost all empathy and you’re just another statistic.

Awful experiences here too.
Would make your toes curl if I told you half the stuff I experienced.
Sounds like things haven’t improved since my last experience.
Shocking to be honest.

When I was miscarrying I was advised by my GP to call the early pregnancy unit and ask for advice. I did so and explained what was happening to the person who answered the phone. I then heard her relaying this to her colleague and heard her colleague saying “Well, what does she want us to do about it?” I felt really ashamed.

Sorry for your losses op and other posters

I had a miscarriage at nearly 11 weeks a few weeks ago. I passed the baby at home a few days after I found out it had no heartbeat. I was really lucky that the Dr in EPU was amazing, so supportive and told me what it would be like and that I could come in to the ward if I needed. The nurses and sonographers were really cold and clinical with me - no condolences or anything. They told me it would be like a period but it was 5 hours of contractions and a clearly visible sac and baby attached to the placenta. Probably won't get that imagine out my head.
When I went to my ultrasound to check everything had passed I was left sitting in the waiting room, with a lady waiting to be admitted for a D&C, with loads of happy couples - really horrible.
It's very sad that the care for women who are going through great trauma and grief is so bad. I'v had no follow up either.

Thank you all that have posted. It seems like a lot of women have had a similar experience. I wouldn't say I'm a staunch feminist but I'm definitely beginning to think that men were going through miscarriages the care would be a lot better. I was reading Caitlin Moran's tweet about IUDs (mobile.twitter.com/caitlinmoran/status/1406197309893918720) and it really got me thinking. The final kicker in my story is I've now got Covid, I must have got it from the hospital as I haven't been out since my admission, was tested when I went in and partner is negative. I had my second vaccine a fair few months ago too.